Is it a pebble?... sure feels like a boulder...
 

I'm taking this quote from a friend who posted it today on Facebook:

How true! When we suffer from depression and those intrusive beat-you-up thoughts, its like an annoying pebble gets in our shoe!

And looking ahead at that mountain we have to climb, we start letting that pebble wear us out... instead of stopping... and taking the time... to remove the pebble.

I wish it were easier...

shame if i do, shame if i don't...
 

Dear Addy

that is a good analogy.

the thing is, i've seen so many people, others, walk on, pebbles, with pebbles and even sharp rocks in their shoes...

i am ashamed that my pebble stops me from climbing the mountain... even from just moving towards the mountain. :o

and that is why sometimes sometimes i try to muddle forward all the same, fall flat on my face, and feel ashamed for falling.

but when i stop, i feel ashamed of stopping, for a pebble in my shoe.

~ waves ~

Oh I love this....but, what if it's a pebble that we have no choice but to walk with...that takes a special kind of strength and courage. :grouphug:

And if you have 4 or 5 pebbles you have to walk as carefully and as directly as you can.

and maybe try to be goal oriented, with a reason to live......:grouphug:

You know, Waves, I hear ya when you mention shame...

I guess we feel shame because we have bought into that stigma we're fed... that mental illness is something to be ashamed of... ya, we exhibit some pretty erratic behaviours... and whenthat darn pebble stops us in our tracks.... its a mental battle with our "selves" to do what we gotta do...

I'm getting pretty good at forgiving myself... I hope you can learn to do that too Waves... it comes with age (some of us have to get real old to say, oh, what the hell... ... it is what it is....)

Yep, Wren and Alffee... sometimes we just don't have a choice... its impossible to remove the pebble......

maybe we could shift it around.... between our toes... or into the arch of our shoe...

:sing: Addy

I'm there...it is what it is. I call it acceptance, change the things we can but am no longer going to die trying. :grouphug:

i thought about this thread today, while i was walking to the store, and while walking back.

i wore different shoes than usual because of the hot weather. ended up being just as hot, but these shoes also get sand in them, which made me think of pebbles in my shoes.

so i thought about how, many times on this same walk, i've run the scenario of throwing myself under a car. oh, i wouldn't do it... too afraid of pain/being maimed or ending up a vegetative financial burden to my family. and then i started thinking about hell. and how that's some place you can't get out of. no stopping to remove a pebble there.

my feet hurt - no pebbles but got friction burns on my heels. stopping would have removed the pain, but i could not just stay there in the middle of nowhere. i was hot and thirsty too. i needed to get home. i had no choice but to keep going.

so in hell you don't have a choice either. and some people, in life, don't have a choice but are truly victims of circumstance. in much more serious situations than just friction burns on the heels.

but one choice we make, is the one not to try to die. and we make that choice constantly, repeatedly, second after living second.

suicide is a choice you make once. life is a choice you making over and over and over and over. every step that you don't take, in front of that mac truck, is a choice to just put up with it... keep going....

... even if you don't enjoy it.

Addy ... i feel more ashamed now, than i did when i was younger. in recent years it has got worse and worse. :o

~ waves ~

I like this thread, inspirational and hearfelt with a dose of true honesty!!

I like that some of us do have pebbles we can't discard and have to learn to accept and how to best walk on our journey with. It sure helps to have friends.....:grouphug:

Wow - what a remarkable thread. :grouphug:
"I'm there...it is what it is. I call it acceptance, change the things we can but am no longer going to die trying."

We're taking big steps.