can't find a balance
 

Does anyone want to talk about depression? I find that if I am "sensible," and careful not to wear myself out by running non-vital errands or going places for fun, I get into an awful funk. I feel shut in the house, and I don't feel like doing even the things I could do, like hobbies.

On the other hand, if I go out and run around, it sure lifts my mood--but it's stupid, because I make my symptoms much worse.

I'm sure that all of you know exactly what I mean. How do I find a balance? How do I take care of myself mentally/emotionally without neglecting myself physically? How do I take care of myself physically without neglecting myself emotionally? Let's share some tips. Would conseling help? It would take a great deal of effort to get myself to a regular appointment like that--I'd need to be convinced it was worth it.

Thanks.

Abby

Post Diagnostic Depression, eh? ;)

I know this is a serious topic. Having a chronic illness is not fun and everyone has a different level of ability to cope with it. Yeah, I completely think that seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist - one who specializes in chronic illness - is a great idea. Why? Because they can give you coping skills, unique to you or not, that help tremendously with getting through hard times. They can talk about what triggers your sadness, what makes it better. You can say things to them that you can't sometimes say to others, thereby making it a very honest and useful discussion. Though I find any appointments to be exhausting, so be wary of that. And you don't have to see someone on a weekly basis or anything. Even every few months might work.

I know what makes me ok on a daily basis and work at keeping things that way. Music is a big deal for me, it usually pulls me out of a funk. Or learning something new - love the History Channel. Fish truly is a great mood food, as are others.

But it's about what makes YOU feel better that counts. I know you've been trying to get diagnosed for way too long and you might think that getting that diagnosis means that you can suddenly "adjust" to MG. Yeah, right. It's been almost ten years since diagnosis for me and I still catch myself in complete denial. It's so hard to adjust to the "finality" of it all.

Set yourself up for success. Rethink how you WANT to live your best life. And let it stew for awhile. It's really an art form to be able to carve out a little happy place for yourself, in spite of MG.

:hug:
Annie

I have said it many times, that one of the major problems I see with this illness, is the fact that it gives you (and many times those around you) the illussion that you can do much more then you really can.

this "tight rope" walking of finding the way to do exactly what you can, not less and not more, is a nearly impossible task.

so, if you do more then you can, you crash. if you do less, you feel lazy and ask yourself if you couldn't have done more.

another problem is that many times one day is not the same as the other, one week is not the same as the previous week and even one year is not the same as the year before.

what seemed to work perfectly well for a few months, ends up being a very bad choice a few months later. some times the "price" for overdoing is not apperant right away. you look great, you seem to be able to handle your work load very well and then just a few more minor tasks that look no big-deal to you and any one else are enough to tip you over, and put you back in square 1.

I don't think there is a way to fully learn to live with this, and unless your illness is under excellent control (which I believe is so for some) this is a constant struggle that is an integral part of this illness.

there are times when you physically crash because you did too much, other times when you are emotionally run down because you look so good that every one forgets that you are ill and you find yourself again in the position of having to explain your dissabilities, when you were trying so hard to do the exact opposite.

and I think the only people that truly understand this are other MG patients.

that's why, even though I am busy, don't have much I can learn about this illness any more, don't need any practical advice, have already written everything I have to add, I come here every now and then, to a place where I know what I am experiencing is not so unique and everyone else is having similar experiences.

Thanks, Annie and Alice. I knew you would totally understand, and have very practical suggestions. Alice, that's exactly it: whatever I learn about how to live has to be constantly adjusted.

Annie, that helps a lot, what you say about the benefit of even infrequent counseling. I can face making one appointment. It's the idea of "every Monday" or something like that that overwhelms me. I will also see if I can find a chronic illness counselor--I didn't realize there were those sorts of specialists.

Depression is a funny thing. I don't really notice feeling sad. What I notice is that I don't feel like doing anything. And, of course, not doing anything creative puts me deeper in to a funk. It's a vicious circle.

Alice, the thought that there is no way to fully learn to live with this disease is an extremely useful thought for me. If I cannot walk to church, or go grocery shopping, I accept that as part of my disease. It doesn't feel like a personal failure. But if I misjudge my capability and overdo it, or (on the other extreme) if I underestimate myself and end up being lazy, those things feel like personal failures. But they're not! They're part of the disease, too. I need to put them in the same category in my mind with other things I can't do, or have trouble doing, because of the disease.

Thanks. This is really helpful to me to talk about these things. I am going to look for a counselor/therapist now.

Abby

Abby,

Both Annie and Alice offer sound advise. This disease is a constant struggle both physically and mentally. Every day is about choices, what can I/should I do today, what can I put off until tomorrow. Somewhere along the way we find a balance and learn to change the way we do things.

Remember you're not alone, we might not always have advice but we always here!

Rachel

Thanks, Rachel. I find wonderful support here.

Does anyone know how I can find the right kind of therapist/counselor? They have lists of specialties. Some of those lists include "chronic illness management," but the lists are so long. They seem to specialize in everything! Not sure how to go about this...

Abby

Stallatum, I am glad you asked this question. I know exactly how you feel. I have many blessings in my life that would not result in depression but it is a feeling you can't hardly describe. It is like crying on the inside but no tears and smiles on the outside. I too dread having to go to appointments. I am tired and I get overwhelmed when I know I have to do things after work. I have thought about counseling, but I honestly don't know what to say. I do get somewhat depressed when people hand over responsibilities to me when I don't want to be involved in the first place. I began to feel overwhelmed. I have been hoarse since last October and when I get tired my voice almost leaves me. It is better since starting Mestinon but my voice doesn't last too long if used. Annie and Alice are very smart people and their advice/suggestions are wonderful. Thank you for asking your question. busybusy

How do you find a balance? How do I take care of myself mentally/emotionally without neglecting myself physically yuo asked.

I don't know if this will help you. We are all different I guess.

I could never learn to meditate but before coming down with MG but I exercized and stretched regularly and cleared my head by deep breathing and counting my breaths. And still do.

I no longer use weights but bands. And not necessarily the same strength banbs every day. Muscle strength not the same every day.

I know I we are not able to develope mucsle strength but we still can remain flexible with good range of motion because we are still able to maintain flexibity in our muscles if we work at it and I think that this is important.

The deep breathing and counting breaths eliminates all other thougths and whe finished I feel much more peaceful and eliminates a lot of the brain fog you hear about in a lot of posts.

I have no idea if this would work for anybody else mentaly but I know it is very important to for us to stay as flexible as possible.

Tony

Busybusy, I kid my family that this has been my year of being stupid, so I don't feel very smart these days. But, thanks for the thought.

Abby, I have found that that psychologists tend to be less "clinical" and that those in private practice seem to be less "rigid." I went to an HMO psychologist once and she was actually a bit of a bully! She put me down for saying the word "should" and thought it meant I beat up on myself. Well, as a daughter of an English teacher, I like to use a lot of words. Should is an appropriate word sometimes, as in "I should not have seen that neurologist." :cool:

Try to get a referral from someone. Maybe someone knows someone. Do you have any local disease resource nonprofit? Sometimes they know good people.

Annie

You are so not alone in struggling with this. Although I was talking a good talk about "learning limits" and "finding balance" I about burst into tears last night when my husband told me he was going to buy a snow blower. I LOVE shoveling snow ( kill me, I know) and it has always been my thing. We have a lot of area of shovel. and he came to the realization that no matter what the diagnosis is, this is probably something that is not going away. With his back and knees, there is no way he can do it alone. It was honestly, one of the first practical things he said that showed he was accepting this and working with limitations... and it about makde me fall to pieces... silly, eh?