Being treated as less
 

Hello all you still smart important people,

I've learned that I have a new superpower since my injury. I have the ability to detect a rottenness in people. It's unfortunate that a handful of people I've come in contact with have displayed behavior that they didn't prior to my brain injury.

It's as if they think I can't understand or don't see it. My intelligence is still there, everything just works differently, and slowly now. I know when someone is being cruel or bad.

I've been a child advocate for years. You can't just be kind when others witness you with kids. It has to be all the time and come from respect of others.

I'm seeing a side of people I didn't before maybe because it was obvious I had all my faculties working correctly. I've met amazingly kind people and wolves in sheeps clothing.

I've always had the attitude of be kind to others, they'll be kind to you. That doesn't always work but mostly in my life. Now I feel even though I'm kind, some people talk down to me or are outright cruel. I lost my voice, my thoughts don't come fast anymore and my lack of confidence is obvious. I'm afraid if I do speak up and it all comes out wrong they'll think I've lost my mind and admit me.

I'm rarely alone. 100 % of the time someone has driven me. 98% of the time someone is with me. It's the other 2% of the time that this happens.

Any thoughts on this? Am I lacking perspective?

If no one told you lately, you are smart, and you are important.. I couldn't get through this without all of you here.

Hi living and dazed
 

Consider that ability as a good thing to happen. It will keep the rotten people further away from your life. Maybe those people were there all along, and you now see people for what they are. I sure want to believe in the good in people too. However, these days, we need to be careful. I stay away from the news as much as I can too. Take care, ginnie

"I'm rarely alone. 100% of the time someone has driven me. 98% of the time someone is with me. It's the other 2% of the time that this happens."

Hello Living Dazed:

I was just wondering that if the only time you are recognizing the cruelness of others is when you're alone with them is because you feel anxious and awkward ( I do) having to answer for yourself when your speech is halting or when nothing comes out.
I know that there are people who are inappropriate ( whether intentionally or unintentionally) and try to make you feel bad.

I think maybe you could ask yourself this: "Is this person's opinion of me really that important right now?" When we have people who are close to us, and care about us, they tend to be more understanding. Maybe the one's who make you feel bad are just not really concerned about your well-being, and you don't need their opinions to define you.

I still believe in goodness in people, and have come to learn it firsthand in some people I didn't know well before this injury, and seen less compassion from those I did know well and thought would be more concerned. Go figure. I guess I would say to take the good from the people who are genuine, and disregard those who would make you feel bad with a grain of salt.

And by the way, you are smart and you are important, too. Take care, music-in-me

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I have lost all patience with stupid people who think they are smart... They see it in your (my) eyes and they back off, or so I suspect. I pity the fool tries to pull a fast one now, and yes, they are out there. I get no compassion, and compassion escapes me.

Not to criticize since we all find different paths, but my injury has led me to a very different way of seeing things. I received so much love and support during my hospital stay and recovery, I now find it easier to be tolerant of others.

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you yourself want to be happy, practice compassion.”

- Dalai Lama

I also know EXACTLY what you all are talking about :(
been there, done that

However, I don't think people try to hurt us emotionally on purpose. They just don't know what we are going through and they think that we are imagining at least half of our symptoms.

I get lots of "oh come on, get there faster" or "i know, it's all in your head, just don't think about it" or "you are just weak, if I were you..." or even "stop imagining your symptoms" and stuff like that, the list goes on.

All this stuff used to get me really mad :mad:, but then I realized that I cannot expect people to understand - they don't. If you've never been there, you have no idea how it feels to be there. And lots of people tend to think extremely high of themselves. That's where "if I were you..." comes from.

So, what all of my concussions have taught me is not to judge anybody. I can't wish this on people. So, why judge them for not understanding? I hope, that all makes sense... and, please, don't judge me - it's just my opinion...

This accident reminds me of all the lessons my mother tried to teach me.

Her favorite: "Don't complain if you don't explain." So I try to explain to those who don't get it. Some try to understand. Some dismiss. Most are sympathetic.

I really now get living in the moment/present. Not angry about the past. Not fearful of the future. Just in this moment.

I'm slowly becoming the Buddhist my mom wanted me to be. :)
I wish you all peace.

The Dalai Lama is a wise man, but I have no interest in religion. The fact is, after the first two years, since I was 15, I got ZERO support. And compassion? None. No-one understands the internal pain of 40 years of living in a fog. Failing at school, failing at jobs, failing at life in general and being treated like a moron by all the 'normal' people has left me jaded and very angry. From my original post, most of what I said was tongue in cheek... But when I said compassion escapes me, I really meant that I don't get it, its beyond me...

My outlook:

I am treating me, as me....and I don't want their sympathy.

I don't want their sadness, I don't want their well wishes.

They don't understand, for the majority of what is occurring... within me... no matter how they seem to be interested in my difficulty.

I appreciate it that they may feel sorrow for my difficulties... or the problems that I may have...... but I don't want their sympathy.

I want them to treat me as they did, before I was injured, and let me adjust as best I can, and just understand that this is me NOW.

I am not being mean, if I seem inattentive, if I seem distracted or uninterested; I am doing My best to either attend to the activity around me or adjust to it..... or finding a way to best remove myself from it as it is causing me enough trouble that I am better off away from it.

If they can understand that, then we can all be happy. And no one needs be sad or upset about it.

Thats what I try to make clear to my wife, her father (the 2 central people in my close environment) and the remainder of our family.

I can accept that people want to be well wishing, but try to let them know they don't need to try, because it only makes me uncomfortable and them too. I am adjusting......... its ok, I'm ok, with this 'thing' thats happened.. TO Me.

Past co-workers get that 'grin', when they see me at the work site, when I pick up my medications ( I used to work at the hospital where the pharmacy is), and they start off with "How are you?" ........ my reply is " I am alive"... its a fact. Then I tell them, to relax, its me, just a different me and I am alive, and adjusting........., then that 'grin' relaxes.

We live on, and thats always good news, how we live on is different for everyone of us, I know, and I have nothing but good wishes for each and everyone of you............

Best Wishes ................ :grouphug:

body language
 

Early on in my injury I found I could really read people's body language really well. It amazed me.

Now that I am much better I don't notice body language like I did at first

Some people will not be nice, and you have a new gift to see that now. Those people, sadly, are not worth your time.

I found that my real friends stayed in touch with me, never doubted my sickness, and my husband was a real rock.

I hope you can keep good, positive people around you all the time. I need that now. I can not handle negativity and crulety at all now.

God bless you!

poetrymom