Just Diagnosed witih BP
 

Hello ~ I am a newbie here and just diagnosed with BPII at age 68. Although I always think I was BiPolar, just no one would diagnose me.

Mostly I am Hypomanic and deal with Major Depressive Disorder.

Currently facing bankruptcy due to all my spending habits, more especially while on Zyprexa. I kept telling my psych doc that I was over spending but he did nothing about this and told me to stay on Zyprexa. Now I am paying the consequences.

Now with a new psych doc and he is the one who levied me the dx of BPII.

New psych doc is trying to put me on the newer class of medications, unfortunately they are all Tier IV or Tier V with my insurance and that would also throw me into the Medicare Donut Hole in two months. So, he's trying samples on me for now. Currently on Rexulti which he said is the purest of the anti-psychotics. After 5 days on this medication I developed confusion, rigid muscles, aggression, more depression and more mixed states, so he told me to go off. Seeing him next week and we are out of options as I have tried all medication known to man at this point and I am not in a state that will allow pot.

So, I spend a great deal of my day and night dealing with the mood swings. It takes alot of energy and I isolate and keep myself away from everyone.

I am now coming out of a depressive episode where I can finally show some interest in living and getting things done.

Next Wednesday I go to bankruptcy court and not being on any medication to keep me stable is worrisome. It's a 50 mile commute one way on my paratransit. Wish I could afford Uber both ways.

Thank you for listening and nice to finally be someplace that understands.

Blue

you have come to a safe place. It sounds as if your new psychiatrist is okay.
can you get a social worker from a nonprofit organization who might be able to tell what possible resources are available for you You know there are drug programs available to you if your income qualifies you. I wasn't diagnosed for bipolar II until my late fifties. I have been depressed most of my life. Right now I have been spending too much money and am scared. My antidepressant is Aplenzin. A lot of bad things have been happening to me lately so at first I thought the drug stopped working. Now I think it is all the sh@t that
has been happening.
tell us more
bobby
RxAssist - Patient Assistance Programs

Hi,

So sorry for what you are going through.
'Glad to hear that you are off the Rexulti.


I can see how the the thought of that 100 mile ride for court could
feel overwhelming. Do you have anyone traveling with you? An aid or
a volunteer? Maybe contact the transport people to ask for assistance.

With an appropriate diagnosis and a pdoc that has a good sense of how to
help you, things can get better.


M

Hello Mari ~ Thank you for your appreciated response. I have no one available to take me nor go with me. My neighbor had planned on accompanying me to court. We have been planning this for the last two months. Had I known she was going to cancel, I would have saved enough money to take an UBER. Now I have to be forced to take my paratransit system which will be terrifying. Being off of all stabilizing medications and having Agoraphobia/panic/anxiety and BPII is going to be a very tough ride there.

She texted me yesterday saying she would not go and would not be a part "of my bankruptcy experience", which I felt was a slap across my face. Lately, I have come to believe she has started drinking again, which could be part of why she will not take me.

I have no one else I can ask to go with me, I have to do this all alone and I'm scared.

Please excuse me, but I am new here and do not know how to appropriately send messages. I keep being asked for a title when I am replying.

Blue

Hi Bobby ~ It seems we have something in common, being diagnosed later on in life. I'm 68. Wishing I was able to be helped much sooner than now.

Thank you for your link to the RX Programs. I checked them out and all of them won't allow someone on Medicare to participate.

Blue

RxAssist - Patient Assistance Program Eligibility Criteria and Medicare Part D some do accept medicare. I goofed I was diagnosed in my sixties too.
rats about your friend. you might find an agency that will accompany you. In Manhattan for instance there is dorot where I can get an escort to take to the doctors etc.
I don't even know when the diagnosis for bipolar II came in existence. saw a psychiatrist for the school term in college and he didn't have a clue
bobby
could you call some churches to see if they have volunteers?

Hi Blue Moon & welcome!

I'm so sorry that you have been struggling for so many years without the proper diagnosis, and therefore, without the proper treatment...
And I'm sorry that having your symptoms go unchecked have driven you into bankruptcy. I wish that someone had opened their eyes to what was going on much earlier... they certainly had enough time :hug::hug::hug:

My brother told me that my father was recently diagnosed as BP. He's 74 now. But I've known that he was since my early teens. He will not take medication.

I wish that your friend could take you to your hearing, and be there to support you, but it sounds like she has problems of her own. Please explain to the judge right away that you have mental health problems and are unmedicated because you had to go off your meds due to severe side effects. Hopefully, he/she will be gentle with you. Do you take any medication(s) for your anxiety?

Since you are newly diagnosed with BP, I doubt that you have gone through all the mood stabilizers out there already because there are A LOT, including many that are inexpensive or much more affordable. Some of them work a lot better for some people, like me. Your psychiatrist can get creative if you put your foot down and refuse to take the new expensive medications. It is not realistic to expect her to keep giving you samples forever, and those meds are just unaffordable for most people unless they have excellent insurance or financial assistance, which I would look into. Just because a medication isn't new, that doesn't mean it's not effective.

Unfortunately, you may have to kiss a few frogs before you find the med that works best for you. I'm so sorry that you had such severe side effects from Rexulti- that sounds just awful :hug::hug::hug:

When do you see your psych doctor again? It sounds like you are suffering right now (((HUGS)))

Again, welcome! I look forward to getting to know you better :hug:

Good morning.

What is your main concern about the long drive? Is it anxiety?

I'm sorry but I do not remember the other post. --- Do you have
medication at the moment that is somewhat helpful for the long
ride?


I agree with Kay that you need to let the judge know immediately about your current diagnosis.

If you have a document or pill or something with your pdoc's name on it like a pill bottle.



That makes sense to me although I do not know much about judges.

M

Hi, BlueMoon1950,


That sucks about your friend pulling out of the trip and somehow
sort of blaming you.


The "title box" might be optional. Most of us do not title our posts.
The only time we need a title is for the initial post in a new thread.
That's my understanding anyway.
Otherwise, use a title like this: "Hi."



M

Hi, Blue Moon

I'm Donna and while I honestly have no ideas on the transit issues.

I do wonder what other drugs you might have tried. I know that
each situation is different and in the case of my son he has
been on a few but depakote, lituim and abilify work And they
are all on Medicare and Indiana Medicaid.

He also has some anxiety medication. Which is something
when he gets anxious he takes.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Hi Donna ~ I decided to take a paratransit to my bankruptcy and then dive into an UBER for the ride home. I downloaded some relation tapes to listen to on the way there. It will take me 2 hours to drive 50 miles due to picking up many others and dropping them off. It's a very tiring ride and the ride is usually filled with very disorderly people who shout and yell and carry on. It all depends upon how I feel in the morning of the bankruptcy. I may just take an UBER both ways.

I have tried every drug in the SSRI's, SNRI's, Antipsychotics, Antidepressants, Antiseizure meds. I'm 68, so have been trying since my 20's. The only drugs that I could cope with was Depakote (which damaged my liver and caused chronic hyperammonia) and Zonegram (which causes way too many kidney stones), hence why I can't take Topomax. No one will put me on Welbutrin, that is the only drug I have continually asked for.

I have taken Lithium but due to the unequal fluid in my inner ear (Menieres), the salt in Lithium contributed to extreme dizziness. That is when my ENT got me trying to drink half my body weight in fluid ounces (water only) which I continue today, but all that water did not help the constant dizziness. There is a medical term to what drinking all that water will cause, but it tricks my kidneys in releasing sodium.

Does your son have to have regular blood tests, I know that with Lithium it can be soo variable and affected by many things. How long has he been on Abilify and Depakote?

Bringing up the subject of anxiety medicine, I take Klonopin daily, but wondering now if I need to focus on more anxiety medication.

Thank you Donna for responding (( Hugs ))

Blue

I am so sorry for your many health problems besides your financial problems.
I take klonopin for years now. I take 2 mg in the morning and 2mg at night.
can't they just increase the dosage? Welbutrin worked for me for a while. Why won't they give it to you. That was the only one that worked for me until it stopped. I now take aplenzin which is related to welbutrin. It is ultra expensive and the insurance company gave me special permission and I also belong to a New York agency so I don't have to pay more than 20 dollars a drug. What a nightmare you are living. I am glad you found us. Do you have any animals to give you comfort?
bobby

Hi Mari ~ Yes, that cut deep on soo many levels for me, about my very close friend pulling out at the last minute to take me to my bankruptcy hearing tomorrow. We had planned for months in advance taking me. She wanted to make this a fun outing. We were going to stop off at IHop on the way there and on the way back to take me anywhere I wanted to go. She would be right with me thru the whole procedure. Knowing my difficulties in leaving home (agoraphobia), potential to having sudden panic attacks and high anxiety, she said she wanted to protect me by being there with me. You can imagine how much I really appreciated this. You have no idea how relieved I felt when I heard this. No one has ever looked out for me in this way before. She had become my protector and advocate last two years. After two long years of working on a friendship with her, I think I finally reached a place of feeling safe around her and trusting her. The night before she texted me that "she would not be a part of my bankruptcy experience", which I cannot believe she texted me this message, I finally told her the name of the medication I was recently on and she gasped. She had been after me for awhile wanting to know the name of this particular medication that I was having difficulty adjusting to. She said she had never seen me being psychotic. I assured me being on antipsychotic medicine doesn't mean I am psychotic, it's being used off label to help with Major Depressive Disorder. She just could not get off the idea I was on that class of medicine. Then the very next day, she cancelled my ride. I can't help but think she is now afraid to be with me alone in her car. I have never given her reason to believe this. She did say she never saw me being psychotic before, but now she wonders. I am in her apartment daily to help her navigate her daily needs due to her very limited mobility issues over the past two years. I have basically been her caretaker. There is nothing I would have not done for her. We were very close.

Due to her worsening mobility issues, I have come to believe she is back drinking again, self medicating. Her behaviors are mirroring one who is drinking She has been dry for 12 years and meets weekly with AA in her apartment.

So, with cutting me out for this very important drive to my bankruptcy hearing, currently not being medicated on anything other than Klonopin for anxiety, I have to face the long drive there all by myself and I haven't been away from home that distance last 10 years.

I have done alot of soul searching since reading her text. With all the other behavioral issues recently, I have found myself being significantly triggered by her behaviors. Almost daily she has been ugly towards me, or slurring her words during telephone conversations and suddenly not letting me in her apartment anymore, but meeting me at the crack of the door with a very angry face yelling at me to go away which totally caught me off guard. Lately I have found her tape recorder recording our conversations and asked her why she was doing this and she would only shrug. Once I discovered she was tape recording our get-togethers when we just sat down and chatted, I stopped that and always looked to see if the tape recorder was going on in my presence.

So, not to make this too long, since that text, I felt it was all about me. Now I have forgiven her and realize it is all about her and her reaction to me and I can't control that and am powerless over her. It's about her sobriety and her worsening physical condition and based upon feeling uncomfortable with putting myself in harms way anymore, I decided (with a heavy heart) to end this friendship as it is no longer healthy for me. By acknowledging this, it has released me from feeling victimized and helped calm me down quite a bit.

Even if she gets help and stops drinking, I will not trust her around my emotions anymore. With all the strength it takes to manage my mood disorder, I cannot take on her issues again. I realize my limitations with her and will no longer let her abuse me.
Unfortunately she lives on the floor above me and I run into her alot during the day anyway, so that will be a challenge. Last time she did this to me, she sent me a lengthy letter of apology and said this had to be done to ask for my forgiveness due to one of her 12 Steps she goes thru and her AA group helped her with that. I hope she doesn't send me another one of those letters asking me to actively forgive her.

Thank you for your help with learning how to do a "rapid reply" and listening to this long lament.

Blue

Hi Bobby ~ Good to hear from you this morning. I take .5 mg in the am and .5 mg in the pm of Klonopin. Due to it's now being classified as a "controlled substance" my prescribing doctors feel they will not prescribe me more than this and it's limited to a 30 day supply, so I have to have a face to face each time I fill it and take it right to the pharmacy counter and then sign for it. They won't fax it in due to the reporting requirements, they all say. You are lucky that you can be allowed to take that much. I find that I need to stock pile my medication, go several days off of it, in defense of all this.

I am clueless why no one will prescribe Welbutrin for me, as I have yet found a doctor that will and they don't seem comfortable explaining to me why. When I see my new psych doc on Thursday, will keep demanding an answer. He said he would not put me back on Lithium as he said it would burn out my kidneys and cause me to go on dialysis.

I do have a cat, he's a 12 month old Ragdoll who, unfortunately, has special needs and has to be on more medication than I. I can't go to him for comfort, so I do alot of cat sitting in my community to get my needs met by being able to cuddle with my friends cats.

Blue

Hi Mari ~ In answer to your question, the main concern I have is several fold: 1) I have not gone that far away from my home since 2004 and with Agorophobia, it makes it difficult to even leave my home, 2) I am not on any medication to help stabilize my mood and not sure how I will react to the stress of everything I will be facing - it's all new stuff to me, and finally 3) I am fearful of having a panic attack, oops one more 4) when I get stressed I become very dizzy and have vertigo attacks which keep me in bed as the only way I can get around is to hold onto walls and then usually a migraine with aura will hit me.

The only medication I currently have and am on is Klonopin, but it's not enough to handle the panic and anxiety especially in situations like this. It's never been that effective. When I went thru breast cancer treatment, I was on Xanax and that was wonderful and handled anxiety very well, but since I am on Klonopin, no one will give me Xanax, again, not a clue why.

After reading your post, I grabbed my letter from my previous psych doc and the medication I was on when I did all my spending to prove everything to the judge. Along with that will take an extra bottle of Klonopin. Thank you for this very helpful suggestion.

I did inform my bankruptcy attorney the reason for my excessive spending that led to the need for bankruptcy and he said in all the cases that are approved, my condition and being on the wrong medication is all that is needed. So, will bring proof with me just in case. I don't know judges either, but he is also a trustee for Federal Court and his paralegal told me he already approved my bankruptcy, but I just have to meet before the judge to be formally put thru for discharge. Now, my discharge will occur after 60 days have gone by and no one comes forward to contest it and then another 30 days to get me the letter. I spent the last 7 months paying off my lawyer and went without good nutritious food and medical care for my cat and I, in order to afford all this, so it will be a serious setback if my bankruptcy doesn't get discharged and my lawyer has to charge me to go back in to fight it. So, the next 3 months, I will be sitting on pins and needles and have to continue to sock away his fee monthly until I get the final discharge. Gulp.

Blue

Hello OhKay ~ I looking back thru the responses to my posts, I see that the one I sent to you did not go thru, so will get right back to you. I soo appreciate the time you spent to respond :)

Thank you for welcoming me. Just getting used in how to respond appropriately.

I constantly informed my former psych doc that over the past year I was spending too much money and could this be because of the medication I was on (Zyprexa). He said no and kept me on this drug for a full year, in which time I charged over $20K on my charge cards. In looking around my home, I see little evidence of what in the world I spent all this money on. I know I returned alot of stuff when I went off of Zyprexa and realized what I had done and could no longer afford the minimum monthly payments. I think it must have been alot of vet appts, vet medication and my medical care, along with alot of small things that I really needed, such as sheets, blankets, new pillows a new bedspread, towels. All my linens were threadbare. I did buy a Rollator to help stabilize my daily dizziness and some cookware, but I still don't have a clue what it all went to.

I have always asked if I was BiPolar and throughout all the years have been told "no". I even did excel spreadsheets to cover a year with my former psych doc proving my mood instability with many highs and alot more lows, but still could not convince him. He kept saying I am on all the right medication anyway but would not put anything in writing. I saw him for 30+ years. Now in his letter to my new psych doc he admits I had Hypomania.

In truth, I have been on all the right meds, just could not tolerate the level I needed to be on to control the rapid swings of mood. My GenOMind gene study recently done shows that I am an ultra rapid metabolizer, which means that I am subject to severe side effects and have to remain on very low levels of medication.

Sorry to hear about your dad. He's from the old school, like me and being male, I can understand why he won't go on any of these meds, but there is always hope. Sounds like he has stayed this side of the law all these years.

As explained in a previous post, and you are just catching up, I will bring what medication I was on when I did all the spending along with my bottle of Klonopin and my recent letter from my former psych doc (7 pages) detailing my mental health issues. Great idea, thank you very much for suggesting this and very helpful. Good to be prepared.

I have tried all the mood stabilizers known to man, with the exception of all the newer drugs that have been recently been on the TV. I did try Rexulti but it put me in an altered state of mind, not recognizing my surroundings, so I was taken off this drug. Waiting to hear what this new psych doc has up his sleeve. Two appts ago, he threw up his hands in my face claiming there is no medication I can take as I have been on all of them, that he can recommend. I left feeling very depressed. Due to the limitations my plan has on providers, he is the only one close to my home I can see that will take me, but I wonder if he will excuse me from his practice now.

You bring up a very relevant point. I did put my foot down about taking the newer more expensive drugs that will throw me into the Medicare Donut-Hole within two months and one that I will never be able to afford. I kept telling him over and over again that I would never be able to afford this medication or any that are on Tier IV or Tier V, but it all fell on deaf ears. I did my homework before last meeting and each drug he suggested were on these Tiers. He insisted I try Rexulti as he has alot of samples, but only hands me one week supply, LOL. He said he would keep me on samples but I would have to come back to see him weekly to get the supplies (which means he will charge me more co-pays). I have already been down this road with him about my co-pays. Right now I cannot afford to see him every two weeks because I cannot afford the co-pays. So, he's been running up a balance, charging my insurance for each visit, but holding off on billing me. I told him to subject me to having a new debt this soon after bankruptcy will be harmful to me, but he has disregarded this many times, again falling on deaf ears. And he's the only psych doc I can see now, so I feel like a captured soul right now. I looked up his name and what popped up was his 2.5 billion dollar home he lives in with a large pool (inside and out), tennis courts, a 5 car garage in a very ritzy neighborhood north of me. His monthly taxes are $5,000.00 a month. No wonder he pushes to see me every two weeks, I'm helping pay his mortgage. He is holding my renewal of Klonopin hostage until he sees me enough to prescribe this controlled substance to me. I am on my last bottle now and living in fear he will not renew it in time. My primary wrote my last prescription and she said she will not write anymore, so I am stuck complying with him. I am trying to work thru Medicare to get away from this plan but so far, no luck.

I am suffering right now, agreed, as it takes alot of energy just to maintain mood and wished I was put on something that would help with mood instability, especially facing bankruptcy court tomorrow. I see him the day after bankruptcy on Thursday.

Blue

after the hearing please please find another psychiatrist who has a brain and has compassion. that is so little klonopin. No wonder it doesn't work. My doctor
can fax in the prescription. Get somebody who will prescribe welbutrin.At a high strength it worked for me for a while.
What is wrong with your kitty cat? I would go crazy without my two.Pudge is rescued Tortoise shell Persian. She loves to rest and have her tummy and neck rubbed. She almost died when she was giving birth. When she got better she couldn't be used as a breeder so lucky me got her. I bought an Abyssian named Abby. She is my second aby named . I also had an aby mixed Himalyan and she looked like a somali. My favorite cat was snowball who I adopted because he was so ugly I thought nobody else would take him. At first he had a crooked nose and a fang. About three weeks after I got him he had a prolapsed colon and then shortly after that he got another one. He had the worse case of feline herpes. He had the deepest soul. When Morgy one of my schnauzers died, he went the the window for a month looking for him. When Hammy, Morgy's littermate was dying of kidney failure,
Snowy would go over all the time and rub against him and butt heads with him.He was an angel but always sick.
bobby

Hi Bobby ~ You sound like me... for the love of pets !!! I will also go to the ends of the earth to help my pets. I even used to work for my vet as his assistant for two years, so I got alot of intensive care knowledge to help my current kitty. He's 12 months old and currently had Hyperthesia, Seizure disorder and now bladder inflammation. So, he's on alot of medications. He was also abused by the breeder and I had to hire a behaviorist to come several times to help me with him and still, after 9 months, he still has soo many issues. He really needs to be on a behavioral modification medication but I have reached the end of what I can afford right now. How to use a GoFundMe to help me pay for his vet expenses last month. He will never recover from all this, so I have to decide if I can continue all his medications and weekly vet care after bankruptcy. Even now, it's just not affordable. But I do get the snuggles and head bumps and cuddling from the kitties I sit with in the owners absence. I do not get paid for this at this point, just started doing this, so will see what they do to thank me for all this care this past month. However, they can never repay me for all the cat therapy I got from being with them. My cat, won't let me touch him, he won't do head bumps, won't go near my lap, won't sleep with me (he sleeps under the bed directly under where I sleep), he has a serious biting issue and so one. The breeder was suspected of buying kittens from a kitten mill and hence where I got him from.

My psych doc is the only one left on my insurance plan within 50 miles of me. 99.9% of the providers have dropped my insurance plan for non-payment.I have complained all the way up to CMS and my Federal Congressman but I do not meet the criteria for "early enrollment". My psych doc wanted me to go thru the IOP or Partial Hospital Plan to help me transition to new meds and for stabilization, but no hospitals within 100 miles or further will accept my plan for that purpose. I thought PHP was an excellent suggestion and I wanted to do that but now I can't. So, I am stuck with him until January when I can opt out of this plan.

I know that is very little Klonopin. I will try again, but he is very rigid in what he will prescribe and how much. He has recently gone out on his own as a sole practitioner, not associated in a practice and no hospital privileges in my state. I looked him up under the State Corporation Commission. He has extensive clinical experience in one of the leading psychiatric hospitals in the country here in Washington, DC So, I thought, initially, with all this knowledge and years in practice, he would be a good fit for me, but not so, so far.

Blue

go fund me is a really great idea! There are so many cat lovers! It really might work. I pray so. Hyperesthesia in Cats
I looked it upi. How awful. Your poor kitty and cat and your poor you. I wonder if he can outgrow it after being so traumatized. I found the great cat treat for abby that is low in calories https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0...?ie=UTF8&psc=1
all i have to is say fishies and she comes running. Pudge just enjoys her prescription cat food.
I wonder if you will get paid for your kitty cat sitting. I am glad you get your fix.
I am so very sorry about your medical treatment. I went back to my old psychiatrist and pay 125 for a visit(he gives his old medicare patients a discount after he went off it. I have to pay 49 each month for him to write a prescription.I tried to medicare lunatics before I went back to him.
I won't look at my credit card amount this month. I really went on a spending spree besides all the other expensives.
fondly
bobby
prayers for your kitty cat. Poor thing.

I am just catching up.

Glad you have joined us.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Hi ya Bobby *smiles*. Hyperthesia is not well understood. It's classified as a neurological disorder and he's had this since I first brought him home and that was 9 months ago. With his daily Gabapentin, he is very sick. There are several tests, which I cannot afford just yet that I plan to do to look at other possible causes, such as Toxoplasmosis.

Nope, won't get paid, they plan to take me out to either lunch or dinner, either which I keep trying to encourage them not to do. I haven't been to a restaurant in 14 years due to my Agoraphobia, yikes, don't know how I am going to get out of this one.

My former psych doc is retiring in March 2020, so I have been trying to transition to a new psych doc, otherwise I would do the same as you, pay him thru cash. He told me in January and in March when I joined my new Medicare Advantage plan, there was a large pool of psych docs to choose from, only to find out that all of them opted out of the plan and they are still all online as participating providers. I complained about this to Medicare, euch was their comment, they could care less. So, I am now complaining to my Federal Congressman.

Thank you for the prayers for my kitty, appreciate that !!

Working on my last list of what to do tomorrow before my pick up time and what I need to finish up with today. Trying to stay calm now. Took an extra Klonopin to help and listening to calming music, but terrified about tomorrow.

Blue

you have so much pressure on you. I wonder if you feel better after the bankruptcy is over. Your poor kitty cat. I get so distressed when one of mine is sick. Vets are so expensive. Rats that they won't give you money rather than taking you out. Wonder if you can lie and say you have digestive issues so only eat at home. Maybe then they would give you money. Maybe you can ask them if they know anybody who needs a kitty cat sitter and will pay. Probably will backfire. Have you googled for psychiatrists who take medicare in your area. I am sure you probably have
Best of fortune!
fondly
bobby

Hi Bobby ~ Once the judge says the bk is granted, I have to wait another 60 days for any creditor to contest me, then another 30 days to get the official letter from the Federal Government saying it's officially discharged. Already attorney and myself have received a letter from BOA saying they will contest, but I only owe $1200.00, so not sure what their angle is, but one never knows, hate to see what will happen if one of their attorney's shows up, trying not to borrow trouble.

Making my breakfast for tomorrow morning. Not a morning person at all, so waking up at 6AM is going to be very difficult and a shock to my nervous system. I'm all ready except for that and making a sandwich to take with me. I'll simply microwave what I made tonight.

I think the moment I put my foot on those metal stairs to climb up into the pararansit, pure panic and terror will set in. I have selected calm music and have my ear buds for the trip.

One last issue is that I usually have to use the bathroom every 15 minutes once I am this stressed and they won't stop. So, will be wearing those "pads". I hate to arrive all smelly, you know... that urine smell............ soo gross !!

Officially all done with cat sitting, so turned off my phone and will not answer the front door, also closed all my blinds. I want it to appear no one is here now, don't need anything or anyone to challenge my mood between now and when I get on the bus. Although my neighbor who is refusing to take me knows when my court time is and what day, so hoping she doesn't drink tonight and take out her rage on me.

I might just say I will go for dessert instead of a full fledged meal with the cat ladies. That way we can get in quick. She won't take no for an answer, not sure why. I don't want to be rude to her as this is a social thing for her, so will take a little extra Klonopin and hope for the best. Tomorrow will be my trial run, lol. If I can get thru tomorrow, I may be able to get thru dessert out in a restaurant. Trying to find a little humor here.

I have been searching for psych docs in my area since March. Have extensive lists of all the doctors on my panel that are no longer in the plan. What are left are putting out scheduling for late Fall, early Winter. According to my insurance provider, they can do this. However, will keep looking. Also, my insurance company did admit that there are doctors on their panel that prefer not to be in either the book of providers or even online, in essence they are no where anyone can find them within my network. I became enraged once I heard this and will take this up with my Federal Congressman. Medicare Advantage Plans are not for Seniors, that's for sure and they seem to get away with everything with no accountability.

Take care and maybe next time you hear from me, I'll be home recovering.

Adios, my friend.

Blue

Good luck with your travel tomorrow. And I think medicare isn't
friends with anyone.

Period.

Donna :grouphug::hug:

I hope things go smoother for you than you think. I hope they don't cause you anymore trouble. That is so inhumane about the doctors. I had a court case once and I kept on looking at the sign in God we trust. It helped me big time. I was up against 5 corporations because of my explosion. My lawyer was useless but the judge was wonderful and asked to speak to me to see what I wanted.In front of my lawyer I said he was useless lol.
fondly
bobby

Dear Blue,

I'm wishing you a good trip and that all goes well.
Some klonopin makes sense.

The ride back will be easier because you will have completed your task.

That neighbor has something destructive going on in her head (especially about the
weird recording business.) Keep yourself safe.
Maybe at some point she will moderate herself.



I'm sending you good vibes and well wishes for the trip. :circlelove:

May you encounter good people and much kindness .:)


M

I'm sorry BlueMoon, I've been trying to catch up on everyone's posts. I'm not purposely leaving you out, I'm having a hard time reading yours because of how they were written. I will start out with your thread tomorrow morning :hug:

OhKay ~ Not to worry !!

Blue

Hi Mari, Mymorgy, DMom and OhKay ~ Wanted to update my messages to all of you in one fell swoop *smiles*

It took me three hours to go 40 miles, the driver got lost. Then he pulled over on a major highway where trucks were zooming by the paratransit. He walked around the side of the truck I was in, took a pea, then spent 12 minutes on a cell call. I called for help and reported him as abandoning the paratransit. I didn't go into too much detail, but I did take pictures. I was 30 minutes late but did make my court time My bk attorney had 5 of his clients all together at one time (oh well). Then there was an issue of my bank statements which he got chewed out for. She will take my case under advisement and in 60 days if everything is okay, then within 30 more days I can expect to see a discharge.

The ride home was uneventful, but we had to pick up people and drop them off before finding my way home which took an extra hour. I was soo exhausted when I first got home.

Before I left this morning, I saw my neighbors car in the parking lot, when I got home, it was still there. She never went to work, it was just an excuse and she lied to me. I'm guessing she didn't care if I saw her car out there. I was hoping she would leave me a good luck note, but nope, not that either. So, there is something seriously wrong with her and I have to believe she's drinking again.

I want to take all of you for your graciousness and kindness sprinkled with support over the last three days !!!

Tomorrow I visit with my new psych doc and see what he plans to do with me.

It's soo much fun to be me.

Blue

What an ordeal with the bus!
hope your pdoc is attentive and listens to you.
((((hugs))))
bizi

Blue

I have to say I'm personally glad that she didn't try taking you.

I'd be afraid you wouldn't be with us anymore. And I value your
friendship to much to want that. I think your right something is
going on.

I haven't been out of my house much, but I personally know why.
Its called this cold still has a good hold and if I don't have to go
I'm not going to.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Hi bizi ~ Cute nick *smiles* !! Love the picture of your harriet, so why the heavy sigh?

Yes, that was hair-raising sitting beside the side of the super-highway, literally in fear of my life and we were parked on a bridge that was over a large body of water. If anyone hit us from behind or the side, I would have gone right over with that transit.

I am not holding out hope with my pdoc tomorrow. I think he has pretty well given up on me. I just want my monthly prescription of Klonopin and call it a day.

Nice meeting you !!

Blue

Hi Donna ~ Thank you for your reply *smiles* !! Yes, Route 95 traveling in soo many different directions, 4-5 lanes wide with speeding trucks was frightening. I found out on the ride home tonight that everything that happens inside and outside the truck is video taped and tape recordered.

But sitting there gave me an even greater appreciation of just how dangerous for my neighbor and myself to travel over to get to court. It's 40 miles on a super highway and with her mobility issues, it may have ended in a disaster. And she insisted that the only way there was to drive the super-highways, not the back roads, I couldn't talk her out of that until I put my foot down and told her the way it was to be. I think then she may have gotten mad at me because I refused to do it her way, which has happened many times in the past, so this is not new news with us.

Then to come home and find her car parked in the parking lot, finalized things with me between us, she lied. So, there are issues I do not understand and am not privy to about her, nor do I want to get involved with her anymore.

I am proud to announce that I managed anxiety, panic and agoraphobia with finesse. I had no trouble what so ever. I took extra Klonopin and that kept things in check with me, so when I ask for my next prescription of Klonopin, I'm raising the dosing.

Now, going to find a way to calm down after today and yesterday's news.

Take care,

Blue

Oh, Donna, I forgot to ask you what is going on with your health? Do you have a simple cold or is it something else? You said you have not been out of your home for a few days, is that why?

And thank YOU for your very kind words, it's soo nice to feel appreciated (( Hugs ))

Blue

I have been out to get a coke or go to dollar general. I had a vehicle till tonight that had no air. Its now in the shop and the one that just came out.
Has air. So I might venture out in the 100 almost degree soon.

I have asthma, and a shortness of breath type problem that no one
has ever been able to figure out for years. But it just keeps me going.

RIght now I'm guessing the cold is just a cold not sure.

I got lots of sleep last night, and took a nap this afternoon. Which is
the first day I really slept. So it was good.

I will be doing even better soon. I had a computer problem with my program
for my job, but I finally reloaded the program tonight. And that is good too now. Yah, I'm on the way to another year I think.

I always get calls in the summer, I've got 4 new clients so far. And a few returning, that I already have appointments for. So we will see.

I'm trying to get better so I don't give Derrick my cold.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

BlueMoon,

Thanks for the update.:)

'Good to hear that you succeeded in your task and that you got home safely.


When I completely something like that I congratulate myself (part of my self-talk that sometimes helps. )


M

Good morning Mari *smiles* ~ I came home and devoured the rest of the Rocky Road Ice Cream, lol. I never thought of doing more for myself, but you are correct in that this was hugh and I need to do something in celebration, since I have no one who will celebrate with me.

Today, totally exhausted from the experience of yesterday, just need to process this. Next week traveling to see thru my community services board that will help set me up with a therapist. It's not ideal, as I have to go and stay there for a whole day and wait until I see someone for an assessment.

Wanted to go over my psych history with this new psych doc. Going to see him today and will be going over these points:
1. I have cooperated with every test you recommended immediately.

2. I had the blood test which proved I have almost no Vit. D which you announced can cause a worsening of depression. Yet you refused to recommend I take anything because it is a fat soluble vitamin and can cause harm, so you advised me not to take any vitamin D.

3. I had the GenOMind gene study done and the next time I met with you, you would not go over the report and explain it to me.

4. You asked me what I want improvement with and I told you mood/depression/anxiety and panic. You handed me the only "clean" drug you could decide upon which was Rexulti.

5. I informed you that Rexulti is a Tier IV ($700.00 a month thru my insurance plan), but you insisted to keep me taking your samples anyway but only handed me 7 pills.

6. When I asked about repeating previous drugs that failed, you told me Lithium will burn out my kidneys and I would go on dialysis very shortly. Zyprexa which I was on a year but had some side effects, you said no because I gained to much weight on this.

7. You indicated there are no drugs you will put me on other than the newer ones on the market now. I informed you that I cannot afford Tier IV and Tier V but it fell on deaf ears.

So, I will sit there and guess he will dismiss me as a patient. This is what I have to look forward to this morning. I am out of options and he seems too.

Blue

that is so awful. I am really sorry.
bobby

That doc is an ***.
Is this the same one that helped cause the mania because
the medicine was "pure"?

Can you find another doctor?

The fact that he only prescrbes name brand drugs indicates
that he has flawed prescription practices.
We use to call that "sketchy."

Contact the pharmacy. Apparently, they can give you generic
meds instead of the expensive ones.




+++++++++
How close are you to a major teaching hospital?
For years, I was willing to drive a good distance
because the pdoc saved my life and for a long
time continued to be completely wonderful.


M

Blue, I just want to congratulate you for making it through your bankruptcy hearing with flying colors despite all the bumps in the road. You should be very proud of yourself! I'm glad that you rewarded yourself with that Rocky Road ice cream! :hug::hug::hug:

I would avoid your neighbor like the plague. Her decision not to take you to your hearing, and how she did it, showed her true colors, and really was a blessing in disguise. You have enough to worry about without her baggage dragging you down. It sounds like she is TOXIC and may also be dangerous.

Do you have more than one pet? I'm so sorry about your kitty's medical problems. By her behavior, she sounds almost feral. I'm sorry that because of what happened to her, she can't return your love (((HUGS)))

I know that some providers aren't listed when I search for one on my Medicare Advantage Plan because at the time the the list was made, usually at the end of the previous year, they were not accepting new patients. Sometimes that does change during the year tho. Sometimes it's worth a shot to call practices with more than one practitioner to see if anyone who takes your insurance is accepting new patients again because new ones may have joined them during the year, or other patients may have moved on so there are openings now. Around here, it is very common to wait months to get in to see a psych doctor, and it usually isn't a psychiatrist... most of the prescribers are NPs. I would make some phone calls because this new pdoc sounds like a jack***.

Yes, Vit. D is a fat soluble vitamin. But if he drew your level once, he could easily draw it again to make sure you are not over-supplementing, which would take months. If you have a medical doctor, he/she could monitor this for you, or you could just start the supplements, and insist your pdoc order more blood tests. You can't keep your Vit. D level in the basement now that you know that's where it's at.

As far as lithium goes, it is generally a safe medication, as long as your levels are being drawn regularly, you are being monitored for sx of toxicity and side effects, and your dose is being adjusted as needed. By refusing even a trial on lithium, your new pdoc is admitting that he doesn't trust himself to do that. It is a widely used drug that is effective for many people, and is associated with a low incidence of suicidality.
That being said, long story short, both my pdoc and PCP dropped the ball, and although I was aware that my levels were too high and I protested (I was full-blown manic most of this time), I now have CKD stage III (I have a condition called medullary nephocalcinosis), and the most likely cause is the lithium. But I stand by what I said above.

One option in lieu of taking one of the newer meds, is to piggyback more than one in a combination that you have not tried before. There must be a couple of meds that you have not had side effects from, and maybe one or two that you have had a little success with, but not enough? It could be a combination of an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer, or two ADs or MSs. I have exhausted almost all my options too, including most of the new meds. I can't take some of them because I can't take antidepressants because I'm Type I, so I know how it feels to be stuck in this spot, and also to risk (and to actually be in) the Medicare donut hole.
I don't know how this jack*** would feel about this approach though...

I hope he will be willing to give you more Klonopn. 1/2mg 2X day does not seem like enough for someone with Agoraphobia, and the amount of anxiety you are describing, to me :hug::hug::hug:

I am hoping for the best for you at the appointment with this new pdoc. I hope that he can come up with something that will turn out to be effective and affordable for you. If all the fanfare for him is justified, he should be capable of that (((HUGS)))