It';s all a bind
 

Last year when i was told i had BP, i felt relief.i thought at last there is a scientific reason for the way i am. but a year on nearly i dont get it. My psychiatrist who i see every three months is a new guy. He has poor communication skills, he actually talked to me for 5 mins on my last visit thinking i was someone else.[ only his reference to medication made me realise the adminastative error].
saying that this put my back up, and for the last three months have been stewing over my next visit. In the UK changing a specialist can take time,,and is not a common thing. I have stopped taking meds, anti-psychotic under his instruction, and anti-depressant, because i felt ok.

I dont know the set-up in USA, but the UK is not geared up to talking therapies, and a PSYC visit generally consists of 'Are you okay, good carry on , and i will see you in three months, close the door on the way out'

My job is still central to my stress, and a work colleague of 4 years leaves on Friday, plus i have a new manager, who knows little about me. Other than 'give David the job he will do it', NICE to know i'm competetent but crass,,,,,,, that people just keep pilling on the pressure.
Its been hectic last two weeks, my wifes birthday, her sisters 50th and my mum is 80th on the 28th.

I ve been thinking about my mums birthday over a year and kept waiting for family to hint at what they will do to celebrate. Today with 6 days notice i get a call to say there having a party. One i'm working and Two the short notice means i cant book holiday. Three, i feel it was planned a little. i'm the youngest of nine and we are sadly not close. We tolerate each other, my absence will be seen as a blessing to most. Im seen as the one with issues, sadly even my mother will be amongst this feeling. I love her dearly and her recent breast cancer has brought my thoughts of her closer to my waking day. But for some reason after an hour with her i dont know what to say or she with me. The silence is painful and i invariably return home [130 miles away] distraught, angry, and miserable for weeks after. I will send flowers and money to her towards a cruise she is going on next January and be there in spirit.

Physically i'm drained but cant switch of, and my temper is as short as anything. I am convinced that environmental and social factors play a huge part in this condition. i for one think if i was an orphan, sigle and living on an island with no inhabitants, i would stand a better chance, of coping.

Hi David,
Hope you were able to do some relaxing this weekend if you did not have to work that is.
I wonder about your stopping the antidepressant with your history of depression.
Do you have a therapist? Couldn't tell by your post.
Some folks like to journal and get things down on paper to look at pros, cons, etc.
Would this help you sort out your feelings about your family?
It sounds like you have an understanding of the family mechanics, I wish you were closer with your siblings but sometimes it jsut isn't meant to be that way.
bizi:hug:

Bizzi

I dont have a therapist, just a pyschiatrist. A journal would be great if i had the time to do it. its hard stealing time to write on here, i wouldnt write during the day on here as my wife would freak out.

I write poetry, and have books in my head its a shame there so miserable, but then it is said we write about what we know.


THANKS

Hi, David,

First off, I'm not BP. I do have my 'issues', though, that are very similar. Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar, I gather, are sort of 'cousins' :p

I'm amazed that you describe yourself as 'mellow' and that you can maintain that mellowness :rolleyes:

Oh, in the US, we have TONS of therapies for 'mental' disorders -- everything from what you eat to what you think :D

I suspect that since you and I probably have related disorders that 'talking therapy', even though it might be helpful, is not really going to be a solution. More practical therapies that deal with "how to cope" and "how to function" would probably be more useful. DBT is one example: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialect...vioral_therapy

I'm shocked by that doctor -- that sounds like practice that is bordering on malpractice. If he's got his patient roster all mixed up in his head, I wonder if the drugs and the records are all mixed up too :eek:

You might want to look into Recovery, Inc. (http://www.recovery-inc.com) It's patient-run. The concept comes originally from Dr. Abraham Low. It's very practical.

You sound like you've got a good handle on what the problem is. It sounds like you might need to do some work in the areas of: standing up for yourself, maintaining boundaries, and learning how to let go and relax.

Doesn't sound like your friendly, forgetful, neighborhood psychiatrist would be much help in any of those areas. He doesn't even have his own head screwed on straight.

You know, David, you don't always have to get "therapy" from psychiatrists. There are family practitioners, social workers, good friends, writing. Basically, what you need to do is define the problem, then determine what you're going to do to solve the problem. The medications are a separate issue that can be handled by a competent family practitioner.

You know, David, these labels that they slap on us in order to get us "better care" and in order to define what that type of care should be, often undermine everything. I've been labeled "Borderline Personality Disorder" and can't find a psychiatrist that will touch me with a 10-foot pole because BPD patients are "supposed to be difficult". Interestingly, I think the label might have been applied wrongly.

Don't get me going on the "relatives' thing :mad: Most of mine are not worth the 41 cents it would take to write them a letter. You can do something special for your Mom's birthday without involving inconsiderate, judgmental relatives.

I wish you luck. I know how exhausting it is to slog through the mud of mental illness every single day. It effects everything. Everything from your work-life to your love-live to your home-life to your self-esteem. When you take back the control, though, and start kicking some @$$ when some @$$-kicking is necessary, you get a sense of accomplishment and power and a feeling of control over your own destiny. Pretty darn good feeling :cool:

Barb

Dear David,
It sounds like you are not missing anything by not being at the family thing.
How about taking some time off for yourself? Can you request a free Friday soon, for example?

Go back to that pyschaitrist. I don't see what the big deal is that he had a different patient or chart in front of him than he really did. I always used to walk in with my list of meds and name on a sheet of paper and hand it to the guy. No big deal.
My absolutely fabulous talk therapist used to fall asleep. I didn't care. It was late in the afternoon and he otherwise was my life saver.

The UK system has lots of support in place. I know this because of a poster on another board. He talked about a "drop in" -- we have those here, maybe I have the term slightly off. He had a swim group and so on.

The insurance companies here AND the system in the UK encourage talk therapies becuase they are cheaper than the pyschiatrist visists. You might benefit from talking. You seem like a verbal guy. How about group therapy?
CBT, as you know, can help people manage their lives, get better at making decisions, help them learn to recognize their moods, help them deal with the side effects of the meds, help them change their thinking patterns . . . And DBT can help get you grounded again.

Go back and get back on a med or two. Maybe you need a mood stabilzer, or something that will cut the anxiety. I'm reading anxiety in your post. Or is it agitation? Worry? How would you define it? Overwhelmed?

You sound really hard on yourself. I know that in your work you are encouraging and supportive. Can you learn to be encouraging and supportive to yourself?

And really, let the family stuff wash off like water off a duck's back. Let it go. Sometimes those of us with those kinds of families do much better with the family out of sight and out of mind.

Feel better.

Mari

I was a little unclear about the pyschiatrist. He is African with poor spoken English, an obviously inteligent man, but the interpersonelle skills of a badger. My frustration in not wishing to return.... is, it took me so long to know what was wrong, and initialy [a different Doctor] i felt able to explain my feelings and thoughts.
This guy has just put all my feelings back in a box, and replaced anger and frustration.
The UK does have alternative therapies but they are rarely on the national health service, and privately cost a small fortune. Many are unregulated so you take a chance in going there.
Maybe its just me, ------ and i have little faith in the medical proffession. a GP i had twenty years ago told me i had muscle cramp in my back, ten years later an X-RAY should two fused disc's in my spine. More recently a GP sent me home saying i had COLIC, 2 hours later i'm in hospital on MORPHINE with kidney stones.

Moose thanks for the link to meditation. its an alternative that costs the price of a book.

Dear David,
You are depressed and not making complete sense. Listen to yourself.

OK. So the doctors you have run into are not good. What is the alternative? Stop seeing drs? Move to Scotland where the system is a little better I heard? Move to France? Work with what you've got. If the pyschiatrist can get the meds right, it doesn't matter about his English skills.

You said that you had been feeling better and then stopped the meds. So it doesn't sound to me like the problem is the dr.

You need help. It is better to recover from these conditions with the help of a professional team.

What would you advise the young people you work with? Should they give up?

Mari

Dear David,
I was reading through this thread of yours this morning....
ARe you considering getting back on an anti depressant?
I take lamictal a mood stabilizer with antidepressant qualities as well.
hang in there and keep talking/posting...we are here to help if we can.
((((HUGS))))
bizi:hug: