Last year when i was told i had BP, i felt relief.i thought at last there is a scientific reason for the way i am. but a year on nearly i dont get it. My psychiatrist who i see every three months is a new guy. He has poor communication skills, he actually talked to me for 5 mins on my last visit thinking i was someone else.[ only his reference to medication made me realise the adminastative error].
saying that this put my back up, and for the last three months have been stewing over my next visit. In the UK changing a specialist can take time,,and is not a common thing. I have stopped taking meds, anti-psychotic under his instruction, and anti-depressant, because i felt ok.

I dont know the set-up in USA, but the UK is not geared up to talking therapies, and a PSYC visit generally consists of 'Are you okay, good carry on , and i will see you in three months, close the door on the way out'

My job is still central to my stress, and a work colleague of 4 years leaves on Friday, plus i have a new manager, who knows little about me. Other than 'give David the job he will do it', NICE to know i'm competetent but crass,,,,,,, that people just keep pilling on the pressure.
Its been hectic last two weeks, my wifes birthday, her sisters 50th and my mum is 80th on the 28th.

I ve been thinking about my mums birthday over a year and kept waiting for family to hint at what they will do to celebrate. Today with 6 days notice i get a call to say there having a party. One i'm working and Two the short notice means i cant book holiday. Three, i feel it was planned a little. i'm the youngest of nine and we are sadly not close. We tolerate each other, my absence will be seen as a blessing to most. Im seen as the one with issues, sadly even my mother will be amongst this feeling. I love her dearly and her recent breast cancer has brought my thoughts of her closer to my waking day. But for some reason after an hour with her i dont know what to say or she with me. The silence is painful and i invariably return home [130 miles away] distraught, angry, and miserable for weeks after. I will send flowers and money to her towards a cruise she is going on next January and be there in spirit.

Physically i'm drained but cant switch of, and my temper is as short as anything. I am convinced that environmental and social factors play a huge part in this condition. i for one think if i was an orphan, sigle and living on an island with no inhabitants, i would stand a better chance, of coping.