Come on up on the porch...its one of "those" days
 

Yep you know which "days" I'm talkin bout...the ones you have where for no sane reason ya just want to be Ma Bell...reach out and touch somebody...only more like slap the living hairs right off their body!! Now, these pore old folks ain't done a thing, just livin like you tryin to do their best.

Unless of course its JMiller...then I might give ya permission...jes kiddin baby.

But for some unknown and inexplainable reason, you just want to smack em soooo hard their teeth hit the floor and keep chatterin fer a week!! Why, its all ya can do not to just give in to the urge to just lift up that arm and wham!! Why Uncle Remi's red roaster it'd be a jail sentence fer sho...so instead you keep it inside and it jest gits worse!! You feel like any minute ya gonna explode...you jest know the next pore ole fool that comes along is gonna git knocked all the way to another universe.

You try being in a room by yourself...here they come...can't leave ya alone, ain't got sense the good Lord gave rollie pollies. Least they know to roll up in a ball when something is after them!! You leave and go to another room...here they come...like they jest darin ya to hit em...almost like they jest asking fer that butt whuppin...

You've gritted ya teeth so hard your TMJ is hurtin sumthin fierce and you know you can't raise ya arm or they won't have a dumb head on their shoulders!! You've done everything you can do to avoid the inevitable...one more move and uh oh...here it comes...just what you been trying to avoid all day...STOP!!!

I have a revenge method...start asking the most detailed questions and as many as you can as fast as you can...don't stop...until you have asked about 10...then say...well if you can't answer go somewhere else!! Before you get to the third they will be gone...

The trick is to ask questions you know they ain't gonna want to answer...
questions like...

Ever had sex with your boyfriend/girlfriend? Ever drink alcohol when we(parents) are not here, or had a party? Do you think I should lose some weight, want to go on an exercise program with me? Would you like to cook tonight? Will you go do the laundry? How much do you really love me?

Get the idea...amazing how fast it clears a room...and nobody got smacked...now thats being diplomatic...something I usually avoid!! lol

Anybody want to start the grill for ribs?:wink:

dagnabbit all, Momma... today be one a them thar days.

first off, my dang drake show'd up... hisself all bloody 'round his neck, and I shore dunno whut got 'im.

thinkin' mebbe a bush cat?

he's still purty quick on 'is feet, for bein' injured 'n' all.

anyway, I wanna ketch 'im, and pluck 'im afore he gits all infeckded or sumpthin'

but I CAIN'T ketch 'em !!

it be rainin' this mornin' and th' dang groun' is all muddy an' slippery-sidewise.

I just ain't FAST enuff these days, Momma.

and I durn shore go and went PLOP by th' side of th' pond, dagnabbit !!

picksure poor Kay, wit' a backside all slimy wit' clay-mud, and QUITcher laughin' Momma!!!

tell ya whut... y'all come over, and gimme a han' an' afferwerd, we'll set ourselves down to a fine roasty duck dinner.

and THAT's another quick-like way tah cleer da room...

askin' fer help pluckin' an effin' duck.

:D

Oh my, Momma. Did you hit the nail on the head or what?

The way they follow me around you'd think I had a batton and they thought it was parade day.

There's nowhere to hide. And this used to seem like such a big house. How did it get SO small?

And you're right. They don't wanna talk TO you, they wanna talk AT you, to bug you. Good plan, asking them annoying questions. If you can't think of any, watch the Clumps. The old lady is a hoot. She'll give you lots of ideas for ways to make them uncomfortable enough to wanna leave you alone.

I dun foun' a way.

:D

Well looks like its time to get on up to the porch and do my devilish deeds. I'll just sit back until all these ladies start gathering at Momma's and then wallaaaaa.

LOL Mamma, I had one of those the other day and my friend Zanax kept me from beating the living tarnation out of someone. Of course if Jmiller wants to roll, I have some left over frustration. Yeeehaw!!!!

it's "Voila!" oh devilish one...

quick, Kicka, get the rope... we dun got ourselves a LIVE one !!

or wait, maybe askin' endless questions'll work?

hey, JMiller, does mah butt look fat in these-here overalls?

an' did that duct tape rip HAIRS offun yer arms when Twink yanked it off?

an' how-ever didja git that tractor outta th' pond?

enquirin' minds wanna know!

:D

Psssst, CayoKay, why dontcha give jmiller a big ole bear hug fer jest about a minute?

Okay, polecat, we're heee-eeeere! Now, whatcha gonna do about it?

*Grabs roll of trusty duct tape.* I see yer arm hairs growed back -- here, lemme fix that.

Okay, Sandy, you can take over now. Not good to keep all them emotions inside -- lettem OUT!

Thanks Twinks and Kay! Hey Jmiller, ever had one of them there days where you jest felt like beatin' up some varmit jest cuz they looked at ya? No? Awww, that's jest a dern shame. Lemme show ya how we roll off Mamma's porch.

*layin' tacs on the ground so jmiller kin feel my full impact of frustration*

Cayo; ok yes ur butt looks huge in em overalls, no tape didnt hurt I shaved lol, and I used all mommas critters to pull out tractor.

maybe ill send my pet gators and sharks up to u other two to play with.