my emotions are running amok......
 

I'm not sure where to start... but know I've got to talk about this... and I feel safe here... so... here goes.

This weekend I will see my 30 year old son - I haven't seen him since he walked out on a family dinner when he saw I was there - that was 8 years ago.

My son made a choice not to associate with me when I left his Dad and my marriage of 22 years. My son was 22 - already living outside the home. His brothers - 18 and 16, at the time... were sad but accepted the breakup as it was a long time coming.

I have grieved this loss and feel that I am in a very healthy space... that said.... I'm scared... of the unknown... and what could happen this weekend when we are all brought together by my nephew's wedding. Derek will be there - along with his partner who is 8 months pregnant with my first grandchild. I haven't met her. I pray that I win her over and that we can form a bond - our love of Derek - regardless of the past.

I would welcome anyone's advice and support here. I know that every single one of our experiences are different - we all got to where we are today because of our life's path... I know we can't compare because we haven't walked in the same pair of shoes.... but we can commiserate and offer our thoughts.

My thoughts... I'm scared... I love Derek so much and really don't know why I lost him. I know I disappointed him... but he disappointed me... and didn't respect me... and somehow, lost his love for me.

I'm very proud of where I am today. I am proud of WHO I am.... and I'm scared to be knocked backwards... because I've come so far....

The unknown - the not knowing how I'll react is scaring me...

and I'm going to strive to just be me!

oh boy.... this is tough

Addy, dear friend, I know how scared you are. I know how much this estrangement has hurt you...and I hurt for you.
I am not sure of what to say. I mean, you want so much for it to all be okay, and I want that too, but I don't see it happening at one wedding reception. What might happen though, is that you go and be yourself. Laugh, talk, tell him that you miss him. Meet his partner and let her know how happy you are about the baby. But you can't force it all...maybe just let Derek know that you are looking forward to the baby and that you would like to be a part of their lives...just try not to force it. Now, having not been in this exact situation, and not knowing Derek at all, I can't say what he will do. Is he still really angry? Do his brothers know? Is it safe to say that you wish that things could have been different for him, but that you have become the person you really are?
I dunno, Addy...I just want you to be happy. Maybe you could get his address...write to him...try to establish a dialogue?
I wish I had better advice, but you know you have my thoughts and prayers
(((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))

I remember how much pain you have been in over this Addy but you were/are true to yourself and that's hard enough in this life. You shine like a star....Ducky gave you great advice...you just be you and if they have any sense at all, they'll want you in their lives. It's a first step. :hug:

You know... as I wrote the above... I didn't feel sadness....
but now I have a big lump in my throat.... (((HUGS))) to my Duckie and Alffie!....

Ducky, I've done the writing thing... and I continued to buy him gifts for each birthday and christmas for several years... but it all went unanswered so I let it go....

You are both right... I will be myself! I have so much to be happy for... isn't it always that which we can't control that scares us the most...

:hug:
:hug:

I'm grateful for your friendships, that's for darn sure!
As well as the friends and family I have here... and for my other two boys who have little to say about Derek - they don't understand him either...

In restrospect, I really do think I have the strength to rise above this - and I can't wait to report back to you all...

It will be more than the reception - I am going to do my darndest to get together with him before that.

xoxoxo :sing: Addy

Addy, This has to be very painful for you, and I am sorry for your pain:hug:
You have been such a big help to me of late trying to deal with the pain with my Dad and Lynn, I really just wanted to reach out to you when you were hurting:hug:

Sadly, I have no wise words as I have never been through this. I wish I knew the whole story so I could try to offer you some advice or help. But it just doesn't make sense to me that a 22 year old would hold such a grudge over a divorce. I too agree with ducky, perhaps you could write him a letter? How do your other children feel about the rift between the two of you? I can't imagine a son not talking to his mom. Now if I tried that with my mom, I know what she would do, she would kick my butt into next week!! seriously :eek:

For the sake of your grandbaby to be, I hope you are able to reconnect. Its been 8 years, far too much time wasted. We can't change our yesterdays but we can our tomorrows. Your strength is amazing, you deserve one of twink’s whatawomen awards:winner_first_h4h: Be true to yourself, and what you should do will come automatic. My thoughts will be with you :hug:~Nikki

was reading what you typed and thought you should probably say what you typed, I pray your reuniting goes well and is a turn for the positive, we all do things or think things that are incorrect at times although we believe them to be true, only to find out later, a simple gesture or word in correct direction can heal a lot of issues, Good luck

My husband (x - but I hate that term.... kinda silly, I know.....)... anyway, my x-husband called last night to update me as to when they were all driving here for the wedding.

All 3 sons are bringing their girlfriends. They will be staying with their grandfather (my x's dad) and Uncle (my x's bro).... as they have dogs and its easier. Even this is disappointing to me.... but I know that when we make a choice to leave our family (marriage) it changes the dynamics of our future together.

My other 2 boys are very supportive towards me and they think their brother is a jerk, to put it mildly. Its simply what it is - a weird situation that has gone on far too long.

Nik-key - thanks for your comfort. It just helps me to talk about it a bit here.

And weegot5kidz - ... lol... your signature makes me laugh... I can relate to you a lot! (as can 2 of my boys!... gosh, I mean, Men! LOL)

:hug: to you all... I'll be fine... I always am... what I need is a good night's sleep (I'm at work right now and contemplating going home sick... I'm a firm believer in mental health days).

Addy, you are a rock! So proud of you for making a tough decision 22 years ago. So proud of you for what you are about to face: the dreaded unknown.

I predict it will turn out better than you anticipate. With a baby on the way, its possible that your oldest son has had his heart softened, and that he wants to make peace, too.

Praying you win the girlfriend over so that you'll be able to enjoy the grandchild. Congratulations, Gramma!

And Nik-key is right, you DO deserve a WHATAWOMAN! award. :winner_first_h4h:

It certainly has gone on far too long (((Addy))). It's been a hard thing for you for some time now. I think you will do just fine. If he can't make amends...well, you tried and always have.

And congratulations on the baby. :hug:

http://dl3.glitter-graphics.net/pub/...j51rzwlg3s.gif

hi Add a bunch,

these wonderful folks have already said what's on my mind...so I can only add to...

in less than a month, I will know you for 10 years...

Sept 5th, 1998, I bought a computer, logged on, first thing I looked for was the Tourette Syndrome information...from there on, it took me to the Tourette Syndrome Chatroom hosted by MGH....

that day changed my life forever...

I recall you appearing briefly that night and maybe ducky also...but it was in the next week or so that I got to know you guys. Lara was there most of that first night so...wow....

from there we all moved to the forums and through thick and thin, here we are, 10 years later..

I remember you posting that about your son...and how painful you felt...

but there was a conviction within you back then...about moving on forward, with your life...

there was something positively different...and it was later on, that I found out that you and I were sharing a parallel path of better self-evolvement...

it's been a great, long, and tough journey, hasn't it, dear friend....

and here we are, 10 years later...and I see that you are still loving and passionate yet with a wonderful self-assurance in your tone. Not that you don't have your down days or low days...but overall...I think you may have found your enlightenment...whatever that may be...

just like folks have suggested...just be you...

((((BIG HUGS))))