I don't know what I can do?!?!?!?!?
 

I got a text from my sister about an hour ago, telling me that her boyfriend kicked her our of their condo. He was mad that she was taking a nap...on a Sunday afternoon and apparently he did not like that. No matter about the fact that this jerk didn't come home Saturday night at all, because he was out drinking all night....

She told me that she "does not know what to do, or where to go....and that she wants to die......"

There is NOTHING I can do to help her! Her phone is turned off. His phone is turned off. I live in MN, they live in Florida . And to top it all off, I purchased a plane ticket about a month ago with the intention to "surprise" to surprise her this coming Wednesday .... specifically to celebrate her ONE YEAR OF SOBRIETY with her! ARRGGGHHHHHHH I am so mad!!!

This guy thinks that his sh*& doesn't stink, and that he is a "Gift" to the female race...... I swear, there is not a pedestal BIG ENOUGH to hold his oversized EGO!!!!

I am SO ANGRY right now! I have been waiting for this day since I was an 8 year old little girl and I am now forty! My sister was a serious drug addict by the time she was 13years old, and ran away at that time too. I was a little girl who felt lost and abandoned and to be quite honest.....I have not truly come to grips with the pain this has caused in my heart. I feel so helpless right now. I feel sick to my stomach and my body is shaking uncontrollably. The only wish that I have E VERhad in my life, is for my sister to be sober, happy... for her to be in my life. Her sobriety is in danger right now, along with my life long dream...I don't know how I can help her..... WHY DID HE HAVE TO DO THIS????? WHY?

I want her to be ok....I need her to be ok.

I'm sending up all my prayers, right now, for your Sis, in hopes she will get the strength to hold on and know that she is not alone.....and for you, so that you can have peace of mind..:hug:

I'm praying for you and for your sis, too. :hug:

You have no control of this I'm sorry. It's up to your sister to decide what she does. you can feel happy or terrible at her decisions but you do not control them. Some things we do, some we don't. Continue your support of her and your love. This counts a lot. But your dream may not be her dream or reality. A sister is so important to us, but we have little control of them or them us. I did not like some of my sister's life choices but I control hers as little as she controls mine. When I married 31 years ago, my loving brother told me he gave my marriage 6 months. He's dead now, but DH had withstood kids, money problems and MS. 31 years!!!!!

I have a sister that is a serious drug addict, alcoholic and abused person. She frequently picks the wrong men in her life to lead her. I am always amazed that she can climb that hard road, do so well, be awesome and then...I get the phone call telling all about Doug! or Jim or Joe or whome ever it is this month. How wonderful he is, and how they are gonna take care of each other, and how she finally found true love! My sister confuses sex with love, and believes if they will have sex with her, they must love her...yes? NO!

I have worked for decades and have had to reach some very tough decisions for myself. My sister is no longer 8 and while I want to protect her, and show her a better way, she doesnt want to hear it. She knows I am here for when she truly needs me. She can call night or day.

I bet your sister knows the same. She KNOWS how much you love her. She knows that you are waiting by the phone to see how she made out. You can be ready by looking up phone numbers for shelters in her area, so she wont have to look them up. Remind her she can call collect. Offer her your plane ticket so she can come to MN if she wants. This way the whole ticket isnt lost. If she doesnt want it, call the airlines, and see if you can either get a refund, or trade it for a trip to another place. You are going to have to trust in her that she will call, and she will bring you up to speed on everything that is happening, but for now, she may just need time and space to clear her own head, and figure out what she wants/needs to get done in order to move forward. Clearly there were larger issues than her falling asleep on the couch, and it was just the topic that broke open the dam.

Just keep telling yourself. she is a grown woman. She knows you are there for her. she can and will make good choices. Before you know it, she will be ringing your phone. If you truly feel she is in danger, you can speak to the local police of the town she was staying in, but she may view that as intrusive, and out of bounds.

PLEASE make sure IF you invite her back into your life, that there are rules, boundaries and limitations about what YOU and your family are willing to tolerate, even for a short visit. I have held a very firm line with my sister, and it has worked miracles for me to NOT sit up and cry all night. I have told her that she is an adult and needs to act like one. I love her, but wont let her take me under again.

Hang in there. you can PM me if you like. I know EXACTLY how you feel. :hug:

Kicker is right. Some people just live to be the drama in everyone else's life.

I don't know what happened in your sis's life to make her lash out at the world, but there is nothing you can do to make her want to live up to YOUR expectations.

Have you ever seen the show, *Intervention*? You might want to watch that. If you don't have the channel on cable, have a frined tape it or look it up on the net.

I think you'll see that there are ways for you to stop feeling bad about how she lives, stop feeling like there is something you can do to change her, and stop letting her suck you in every time her world implodes.

You don't need her stress, you have enough of your own.

:hug:

Trust me, I've had a couple of these drama queens, men and women, around me. all they do is suck the life out of you. The best thing for evryone is to get some distance, let them either work it out or crash and burn - they're going to do it anyway, they don't need to drag you along for the ride.

As for me, I'm sick of the hospital visits, the courts, the jails, the drunken/drugged up calls at 3 am.

:rolleyes:

I have a friend, his brother was poster child of not well adjusted, Drugs, illegitimate children, bad relationships, etc. He said his brother liked living in a soap opera. Drama!!
It made him angry, no on noticed or said anything about the good choices he made, Work, business, etc. But a semi-good action by his brother hailed more positive reinforcement from others because it was so unusual than his mundane, better ordered life. No kudos for him. As I discovered with my students so would not give them attention for bad, negative actions that usually got more response than positive behavior. I wanted positive, so focused on that, not the negative. That helped stopped it. Most people want attention, and if bad behavior was what it took, so be it.

That's a keen observation, Kicker. It's really hard to pull off too, so kudos.

I'm from family of 6. Most of us were average, got into some kind of normal trouble. Mom had to punish with sending to room, or spanking (it was the 60's).

but one brother just was really well behaved and never really needed to be told NO. Eagle boy scout, the whole 9 yards.

Many yrs later in his 30's, he confesses, he never felt quite as loved as he thinks the rest of us were. To this day, he feels that way (he's about 50...).

Why? Mom was kinda busy correcting the rest of us, not telling him he was doing well.

I know she did say good job at times. But that's a good point for people who still have kids - instead of saying "You, you and you, stop acting up at the table, or ELSE!" Maybe say You are being so good at dinner! Thank you. Maybe the others could eat quietly like you do."

Give the attention to the good behavior.

It's hard not to point out the rotten ones though.

:rolleyes:

But that's how you train parrots - ignore when they're bad, treat when they're good - so if it works for birds, why not people?

Here is an update.......
 

I am still in Ft. Myers Beach still and will be leaving on Monday. This visit has turned into such a wonderful experience. I met up with my sister on Wednesday afternoon at a local restaurant, and it was such a beautiful reunion! I had not seen my sister since June 2008, and it was absolutely wonderful to see her and HUG her! We both started crying like babies, but neither of us cared one bit! I have gone to two of her Narcotic Annonymous groups with her and the support of the members is unbelievable! It was so emotional to be there with my sister on her one year anniversary, and I really feel blessed to be a part of that special day. I could not stop smiling from the pride I felt and I feel as though a thousand pound weight has been lifted from my heart.

My sister finally realized that the man she had been with is not good for her, and discovered that he has been using "crack" for some time now and also had been stealing money from her. I was able to talk with her about his abuse and I was able to support her when she realized that his abuse towards her had nothing to do with "her", but it was his own addictions that was the problem.

I rented a U-Haul tuck on Friday, and moved her out when her "ex" was at work. WHAT A VICTORY!!! If she didn't go when she did, she knows that she would have kept going back to the loser...even though she knew he would never change. On saturday, we went shopping and bought her some new bedding, toiletries, etc to get her started in her new place. She is renting a room from a fellow NA member who has been clean for 7 years...and he is a genuinly nice person, is responsible and upstanding (his drug use was "pot")

My sister still has some healing to do, but she is now in a safe place, away from the emotional abuse and away that jerk. He actually had the nerve to tell her "you know, we can still be friends ....as long as you are clean" What a hypocrite!

Anyway....I know I jumped around a bit in my "update", and i think it is from being so exhausted from all of the emotions and physically moving her out of one place and into another....but my heart is still smiling and I can rest up once I'm back in Minnesota. (one bit of advice...don't try to move out and into a place on the same day if you live in Florida! It's so HOT and HUMID! I am sure I lost 10 lbs from sweating! )

I actually feel like I can breath deeper than I have ever been able to before, and I really feel that my "spirit and soul" have been rejuvinated. This is exactly where I needed to be this week, and I wouldn't trade any of it! My sister still has a long way to go, but she is ready for the challenge and wants to work on getting her credit restored, and really start "living" her life.

Thank you all for your support through this, I truly feel blessed.:grouphug:

Wonderful news, Amy..:yahoo::yahoo: