So far down I don't know how to get up...
 

I have wanted to post about my ongoing problems…afraid people are tired of hearing about me…I might not post this at all....

I am going through a huge calendaring time for me with PTSD. Too many anniversary pains to process. I can’t look at a picture of either of my children without burning tears feeling my eyes. I have to keep a happy face so no one knows. Anyway that’s how I feel…

I….feel very lost and having a hard time facing the challenges I have to face everyday…Monday’s are so hard, they are the beginning of the unknown and they scare me to death!

On top of it all we are having huge financial problems right now…that is a hard one to admit in public. I’m so scared…don’t know what to do. My Olhipie can’t help me because of his worsening short-term memory problems. I don’t even want to burden him with the worries because the stress of it would be emotionally and physically devastating for him. Its hard to see him when he gets down because of financial stress…he has never had the money problems we have before…I love him so much…I just don’t want to see him hurt.

I have to get up enough guts to call my mortgage company today to see how willing they are going to be to help me.
I got a letter two weeks ago from their attorneys stating that I was five pmts. behind…I nearly passed out…talk about taking the Xanax. I called them to see what was going on because I thought I was only one pmt. behind. They are going to audit my account to see where the payments went. They did find two of them and applied them back so they want to look deeper to see if they can at least a few more. I pay all my payments by phone. My Olhipie told me that I need to start mailing the payment so we at least have a paper trail. It just seems so easy to pay by phone. My mortgage isn’t very big but to catch up will be hard…also our bankruptcy is behind a little on pmt. I feel like such a looser!

I can’t lose our home…I lost my long-term disability and also the IRS a few months ago started taking some of the Olhipie’s long term disability. I have been using my Mom’s SS income to try to help but it just isn’t enough and…I don’t know…

My heart is so heavy. I’m not sleeping only a few hours a night. My Olhipie is having really bad problems with his short-term memory. He at times can’t remember what we did yesterday. Yesterday we went to church together which doesn’t happen because of his fatigue…we went and he slept through the whole meeting. I brought him home and we ate some lunch and he dozed off in his recliner for a few hours of needed rest. When he woke he thought it was Monday. He wondered if I slept on the couch or went to bed and left him in the recliner. I think he got it all straightened out when 60 minutes came on…he knows they are on Sundays. I feel so burned out…I am losing my patience with both my Honey and my Mom who lives with us because of the added care and the problems with memory both are having.

My Mom is having some health problems…working on a bleeding ulcer. Her memory for some things is getting bad. I have a home health care group that come in to give her baths and do PT for her. They started this past Saturday.


I am so sorry this is so long. I have calmed while writing this. Maybe it was Xanax I took before I started writing…but still wonder if I should post it.


I need to call my Mortgage company…I so scared they won’t want to work with me…This has been my home for 25 years…my Dad gave the land to build on.

Please forgive me for sounding so…I don’t know what to call it…desperate…whiney…morose…I’m honestly scared to death!!!!:(

Oh dear Tammi, I'm not suprised that you are down for the
count...you have more on your plate than anyone should have and that's before the $$ problems. I think you are just an awesome woman for wanting to be all things to all people but what about you??? You need Tammi time at the very least. You need to let those tears fall..have I told you about that book...Tear Soup?

And I'm more than a little suspicious of that mortg. company "finding those payments"...glad they are doing an audit..perhaps the rest of them will turn up.

Could you get out when the home health people are there?
Maybe have coffee with your church friends. I fear that when you act like "wonderwoman", everyone expects that of you. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us...I wish I could take away the pain and worry. :grouphug:

You aren't alone even though it must feel that way at times.
We are here to listen...we care.

hey you,
i just read your post and though i really can't offer any insight on the topic, i hope that you continue posting (and i will definitely keep reading and offer any support i can).

i know you have the strength in you. we'll help you see it.

try and have a good day.

:hug: Tami :hug: I agree with everything Alffe said. I so admire you for wanting to shield your DH from the financial troubles. Especially if his memory is not good. But.....you cannot shoulder everything alone.

I'm so glad you posted what you did. I think more people can relate to your situation than you realize. I know it feels like you're the only one going through all this when it's happening but just know that there are millions of others in the same boat. I know that doesn't help you but I just hope you know you're not alone.

I wish there was something I could do to help. I've been checking my bank account every day to see if my SSDI has been deposited so I can go to the grocery store. I've gotten very creative with the things I have in my freezer and pantry!

Anyway, just wanted to give you a hug and let you know that you're never alone. You can always come here and spill your feelings and never worry that we won't understand. Or think bad of you for any reason. We're all just trying to make it one day at a time.

I've got you and your family in my prayers. I do alot of praying. I know it works. I've seen it happen. Take care of yourself and don't try to be everything to everyone. You deserve care, too.

Next time someone says "just let me know if there is anything I can do" let them know what you need help with. Shopping, sitting with DH or Mom while you do some errands, helping to prepare a meal, laundry. If they're truly sincere they'll jump right in to help. If I lived closer I'd be right over! :p Honestly. :hug:

About the payments .. What about paying online?
or thru your bank website- internet bill pay something like that??

I do most payments online now at the websites for Ins, phone, etc and you get a confirmation page you can save or print out - as well as an email confirming. I save those too.

I like having the records saved on my computer.

You should be able to look at your past bank statements for records of payments going to the mortgage company on your banks website.

I had to track down something and just sent my bank an email from the contact us -about what I needed and they were very helpful.

Like if you needed all payments found to the mortgage company...
the bank should be able to do a search and send you a list with the info.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

I just want to cry....my Mortgage company wants to forclose...unless i can pay............

Oh no! You need to be proactive dear friend...can you write a letter to your local newpaper...telling your "caregiver story" and asking for time to get on your feet? The mortg.company won't like that but they are hardly being helpful right now.

They are talking here about letting people rent their homes instead of buying them so they can at least remain in them. Of course the banks don't like that.

It's happening all over this country. :(

I'd be loud....very loud. :grouphug:

Maybe you could possibly speak to someone in their hardship department and explain your situation. Surely to goodness they have some sort of hardship program for people with health related issues. If they don't they should.

This whole mess with the economy really has me worried. I'm so sorry, Tami, I wish I had an easy answer for you. It's just not fair. :(

(((Tammi))) The financial stress is enough to bowl anyone over. I know, 'they' say money can't buy happiness but I can assure you!...it does bring stress and depression when you don't have it.

I'm appalled that they didn't have payments recorded. Like Jo, I do most of my payments on line. I don't trust calling in payments. Those boobs! Be sure and check back through your bank statements so you can find out if/when the payments were made.

It's so difficult being pro-active when you are so very down and scared but I agree with Alffe. You gotta be proactive in this case.

((Tammi)) :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: