Jeremy,
I am so sorry you are suffering, something like this - I imagine is always with you in one way or another.
When you said you learn to trust then to love again. i can not begin to imagine the strength this must take,
Why these trials happen to some of us and not to others, I guess its like constantly asking why we have rsd. I dont know but for me I am sure God has a purpose, that belief is one way i cope.

Your suffering is beyond what I can imagine as I have not been in that situaltion all I can do from here is tell you how much I admire you for being here, for having the courage to share your story even though you may often still be in the tree.

Having read your post I am sure you are loved by many now .

Thank you for sharing your story, it reminds me to be thankful, and really reading it makes me feel humble for when i do complain about small things.
thank you again praying for the very best for you. cz