Why do we - well because we don't have a choice other than to take our life. It might be cutting this hard question down to the bone, but it's one worth looking at with our eyes open instead of denying.

I've looked all over my tummy, but I can't find an off and on switch so other than death, why not just accept that we've got something we can't change and then just work our way through the problem the best we can. There are intersections in life where we have no other choice than to go onward and forward. What we do have a choice about is in how we'll live with something we can't change.

While pain is a constant thread all RSD patients have in common, it's not the only part of RSD for some of us. Severe mobility challenges, lack of circulation in limbs that leave us with chronic infections, chopped of body parts, blood clots and an appearance that's so bad we're embarrassed to be out in public. For those who decide to sort of crawl in a hole and wait for the inevitable I can understand why, but I also know we do have the ability to choose another way of surviving the hand we've been dealt.

While disabilities of the mind are by my set of measurements the worst kind out there, I'm also a firm believer that depression is one of the most treatable diseases/symptoms for those who really want to overcome it bad enough.

When I have my bouts of depression, what am I thinking about? What else - ME! Why, am I really that interesting? Am I really figuring out some wonderful solution that's going to help me escape the horrible situation I'm in so tomorrow will be wonderful and gay? No, not really, it's just so I can think about how awful things are and how bad I feel for myself. Depression feeds on itself just like any fire does so my solution is to change the topic and instead do anything and everything so I don't think about ME.

As much as we might pretend that we're some super duper computer where our brains can think about a dozen different things at once, we really can't. Instead we choose throughout the day what we'll spend time thinking about. I've found the best coping mechanism for dealing with my crushed nerves and RSD is by avoiding this rather annoying topic of ME at all costs even though I can't do so many things I use to take for granted each day. Instead of asking myself how I'm going to survive another day, I ask myself what I can do for someone else. It's a win-win scenario because when I'm not allowing myself to focus on my own suffering while I'm doing something for someone else, I'm getting so much more out of life even though so much has been lost now and forever.

I've always used the cliché that I let those who care and love me waste their time thinking about me and in return I'll do the same because there's always something we can do that will show how much we love and care those who also are having to endure our body damage and health problems as much as we are. We owe it plain and simple and it's time we start paying back.

When my dear friend who's spent hundreds of hours building my homemade lift/elevator called me up a couple nights ago with a broken notebook computer that he hoped I could fix, I was thrilled that I finally had an opportunity to make a small repayment for all of his generosity and darn hard work he's done for me over the years. I don't care how busted up our bodies are, there's always something we can do for others if we really want too no matter how much we hurt, how physically ill we feel or how bad of day we're having in general - so long as we really do want to do it.

I know you have so many ways of sharing so many skills and wonderful things you can do, so when you're feeling like you're at the end of your ropes and you can't see why you're alive another day, redirect that energy toward something positive you still can do. I promise you'll feel so much better.

If the day ever does come when you really are positive that life is over then maybe it's time you ask our government why we treat our beloved animals with more care than we can treat ourselves when we finally release these furry little friends from their suffering. As of today we don't have that legal right, and I think it's wrong.

There's not one single day when I don't battle guilt for the financial, physical and emotional consequences my accident has had upon my wife, family and friends and it's a hurdle I am constantly trying to deal with. Just the waste of financial resources alone is enough to eat a hole through my gut as I watch our hard earned savings dwindle each passing year just so we can keep a body that's only sort of living continue to drain so much from so many. Trust me, I understand exactly where you're at.

The only way we can fight back is by doing something, anything, whatever, just do something. Find coupons on line and print them out for family and friends and then pop them in thank you cards. Use that bread machine you have hidden away and make up a batch for your neighbor who trims your bushes or get out a needle and thread and cross stitch together a bookmark for that someone you love so they'll be reminded daily just how much you appreciate everything they do in your life. Find the reasons to still make joy in your life and avoid negativity at all costs. We already have enough.

You've got it inside yourself, you just misplaced it for a day or two. Now go out and find it and I promise tomorrow will be a whole lot better. Wishing you only the best, Bob.

Bob, Thank you so much for the beautiful and uplifting post. You have made so many great and relevant points, and touched my heart deeply. I think that you have surely found the purpose of "why we do this". God bless and thank you, Lisa

We all find ourselves getting lost every now and then, but we can't stay there. As long as we (me - not you) remind myself everyday that we're the ones who find purpose in the day, we do just fine - it's just about going out and find some where we slip up from time to time.

You're not only going to do just fine, but you're going to do even better. Anytime you need to chat, please drop me a line and we'll find where we're at on the map together, Bob.

Funny but allow me to say when I began this post..my true intent was really not "why", as I have always been a very positive half full person...the idea of going out and fill your heart with good deeds has always my trademark... my true intent was.. "when"..when will we know we met the finish gate..As each day our fight/journey is much the same so..when will we know our battle is done and we can reflect on how did I do with this RSD fight?? But I am enjoying the posts being written so I never re-vamped my true intent..Thanks for all of the info...and input..

Hugz, Kathy

you fight for your family and friends you fight for remission while we still fight for a cure. I've been in remission before, so I know it's possible. It's hard to remember that sometimes, but fighting for my life back is what I keep reminding myself I need to do

*hugs*

Thanks Kladams86..

I understand..and realize that is why I give it a galant fight each and everyday...never give up hope...even if I can't benefit..possibly others will one day!!

Hugz, Kathy

How do we know we're at the finish gate? Maybe after we've talked it over with those we love and they understand that the quality of our life is such that it just isn't very loving on their parts if they make us feel like we must stick around for them. It fact it's rather selfish on their parts when we're suffering the way we are.

I've had this very hard discussion with those closest to me and they know I'm just about at the point where I'm ready to close things out. At first they didn't understand, but the more times passes the more they're thinking about how it feels inside my body and so their point of view as far as extending my life is slowly but most assuredly changing. Eventually both we and those we're close to come to the agreement that it's plain nuts making our bodies stay alive just because we have medications and technology that can add time but not quality to our lives. I don't know how much medications are keeping your pulse beating, but in my case it makes a big difference, so I know that once I stop taking some of my medications things will take their course and I'll finally get to see what's around the bend. I'm waiting till my family can fully understand why I'm ready to go, but I won't wait forever.

We're the ones living in our body, and only we know how much more we can take. I'm in no way promoting suicide because it always makes problems for anyone within arms reach, but I would love to see our laws change so we could end our suffering with dignity like those who live in Washington (but only after meeting the very strict set of guidelines - 1 in 10 who qualify and get permission actually do take their life, but at least it was their choice) because it's wrong for others to choose when we live and die when it's the most personal decision we'll ever make.

Before I get a bunch of mail reminding me that killing is a sin, then may I ask, do I really want a cow living in my living room like many do in India instead of enjoying a steak for dinner tonight? I see this as a respect for life and living. The hard part is figuring out when we're just alive but not living as we sit and wait - and wait some more. Because you're bringing up this hard to discuss topic, I've never felt more comfortable about someone always making a good choice no matter what. Bob.

Bingo..Bob..This was my real thread..Hard topic but important to get it out..Discussion and journaling is healthy...Thank you for your thoughts and I could not aggree more except for the part about the steak..I am not a steak eatter..I side with chicken when given the choice but then again..I rather not have chickens in my living room either if given the choice!!

Hugz, Kathy

Dear KS, you little booger! We do it until, until the cows come home LOL, until there is a cure, until we find a treatment, until we go into remission, until we find a balance, until, until, until..........!!!!! Life is not always about choices, if it were then we would have never gotten injured, contacted this illness, nor suffer as we do. This is not a job that we can quit, or a life that we can walk away from with dignity and respect. Our doctors entrust us to prescribe medication to enhance our quality of life or to live, whether we take them or not is a choice, yes, I agree with that. To take your life back to its natural state is acceptable. There are many alternative therapies that we can use to support our natural being and sometimes in doing so we actually begin to heal. My legacy is not to fight this fight and then just choose to quit. In my opinion, that is not my choice, nor my families choice, it is what it is, and we just have to dig a bit deeper each day and try to reach out and touch and enhance the lives of others.

Bob, I hear what you are saying, and trust me some days I do understand. The quality of our lives have changed, yes, however, you seem like a great guy and I am sure you contribute to life in a greater way than your illness.

I wish you both a painfree evening. And a cow wouldn't last in my living room, I have a big family and one thing I am able to do is cook and take great pride in doing so. KS, I will take over rowing for awhile you need to rest my dear friend. THE END

Jeanie

Jeanie~ Maybe you are right..I should close my eyes for awhile...Thanks for keeping me in line..its a big job!! Thanks for taking good care of me...

Hugz, Kathy