Hi Firegirl and 'ALL', your post has caused us all to pause and think deeply in our heart how we can encourage you and others. Just by posting in your tears and pain helps, not only you, but all of us. Each reply helps, not only you, but the rest of us.
We are in this together, thank goodness, we are not alone. I know a lot of us have a tendency to withdraw and be alone, but we immediately feel better the day we move out of the house, even to go to store, wheter walking or wheelchair.
Please know how much we care for you and each other. Don't give up- and we won't give up on you either, we will be here for you. Don't ever hesitate to write and ask for help.
Have you ever journaled? I learned that back in the 80's and even read them to my deceased parents. Journaling brings up pain, but working thru pain thru writing will bring up feelings we didn't even know we had. Getting to a place of peace, like someone mentioned is a process and inner joy CAN be HAD thru this process. Somedays I just go thru things I'm grateful for. Sometimes just putting them on the mirrow can be a good reminder.
Do you have a pet? We have a cat, Sabrina, She loves to sleep with me and her soft fur brings such comfort. Our daughter has a 7-8 lb min-pin.She just loves it at grandma and grandpa house. They take work, but for some of us bring such love and comfort. Even working a 'pet' puzzle can bring a smile to our face.
This is NOT easy, it's dreadful, but distraction can help us mentally. Music is a big one for me. The gold 'ol oldies' 50's music. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. One of your new friends, loretta

Hi I am sorry for your pain. You have tried a lot and I wonder if you have thought of ketamine infusions? I wish I had more to offer. I guess for me since I have been in a flare as well I am taking 1 day or even 1 hour at time which I know sounds very therapy but it does help in some ways. I hope you get relief and things begin to look up.