Dear Krank

i cant add any more to what the wonderful folks who posted here before me.

i have internal rsd. i live with 80lbs of swelling on my abdomen, there is no way to reduce it. last weekend the pain over took me and i wound up in the hospital for 4 days to get me stable again. i had time to think. my husband who is my care taker was at home telling me how much he missed me ad how lonely he was without me.

i thought he would be happy to have a few days break from not caring for me. he has health issues too that cause him pain. i was laying in the hospital pretty depressed by my circumstance. i may never get out of this situation. a pain doctor came in to see me and lectured me on doing water exercises!! i thought i cant even get to the bathroom on my own and you want me to swim?
he explained that fighting this disease with exercise was the only way i could try to change my life. its the last thing i wanted to hear. but i guess if i want something different i have to try even though i know it will be hard to get to the pool, and i will be embarrassed because im very deformed...if i want a chance to change how i feel and maybe not be such a burden to my husband.....well its going to hurt, but i have to find the strength to try.

Im sorry for your losses and the struggles on your family!

Krank, find some way to do something different today to change whatever your normal day routine is. Just know that there are many more folks just like you who understand completely what you are living with and we need you here to help us go on. we do get strength from eachother here.
Just one hour at a time some days....
I care ...we all care
Lori

Honestly I dont know how to thank you all...I just want to feel whole again...like I'm worth something...I really dont know how everyone hangs on....the death of my brother and then my mother in January...I just cant take it anymore...even though we were miles apart my brother and my mother and me were very close...they encouraged me and knew me so well that I felt I was worth something...Their gone and Im still here watching my body rot...Im not sure anyone knows just what I've done...I love the outside and I loved to go go go...If I wasnt doing something I was like a wolf in a cage...thats why I joined the Army...I was a combat engineer and then I wasnt satisfied with that so I went to Atomic Demolition school...When I was at Fort Belvior they asked me to take the honor of guarding the tomb of the unknown soldier...I just couldnt see myself walking in circles for four years...So they shipped me to Fort Hood Tx in the 8th engineer Battalion...I really didnt like that job because I just sat around and Drove Generals around base...the only thing I liked was carrying the Battalion guide on for the monthly Battalion run...I ran 5 miles carrying a 60 lb flag in front of me...I dont know why Im writing about this because thats all done...and no matter what Ive done ....I can no longer do...in my mind I cant slow down and with the meds im just in a fog....That day was a very bad day I almost hung myself...I dont know what stopped me...no matter how I tried I couldnt get the rope over the truss in my garage and the pain was absolutely insane...Im sorry for worrying everyone...but I found out that I have a family and its right here....thank you all...God Bless

Dear Krank

reading your new post made my day! We have to encourage one another...we all have days like you had...you just have to push on one hour at a time. I live near Ft Belvoir...Leesburg VA. I work from home selling office supplies to the govt. One of my dearest accounts is serving the Army at Walter Reed hospital.
Its my joy to serve those who serve our country. Thank you for your time of service!

We all live in our memories of what we use to be able to do. I use to be one of the top female office supply sales reps on the East coast. when i got sick everything fell apart, my business went down hill...i lost my home, then lost my job. now i live in an apartment and work from home and im trying to rebuild my business but just dont have the energy and ability that i use to. but i keep pushing on and try to get my sales up. my boss gave me 90 days to get my sales up starting jan 1st. i have 2 more weeks till he reviews me again. Going from being a top sales person to be given a 90 day warning is just unbelievable to me...like its not even the same person. that day i got the warning i wanted to die...i just wanted out. after talking it out with my hubby...i have just dug in and have tried my best...time will tell

thanks for posting
Lori

Krank, Thank you so much for your service to our country. I am sure glad that that rope trick did not work out for you. Sometimes, I think, you just have to take it minute by minute to get through the day. I really hope that you can find a psychologist that you can develop a rapport with, you might just be surprised how much just talking to someone else can help. peace to you my friend, Lisa

I've been thinking a lot about you, Krank, and I was very happy to see your new post. Please know that a lot of positive energy and prayers are being sent your way.

Krank,

Good to hear back from you. Thank you so much for your service to our country. Can't stress that enough.

I used to be very active as well, now I'm happy if I can walk to my neighbors house without much pain! I used to be a competitive water skier, golfer, biker, hunter, walker, the list goes on. Can't do any of that any longer.

My days are spent working on keeping the CRPS contained and not angry/flared! It got out of control when I was diagnosed in late 2008, but with a combination of therapies, I've had some success 2.5 years out.

Hang in there. As mentioned, one day, one hour at a time. Find somebody to listen and find a way to laugh. Gotta have both with this monster in my humble opinion.