Hi Trkdvr!
You are soooo funny and made me laugg. Thanks. I needed that.
You are totally right in everything you said. That is exactly how I feel. This aid is about my sixth one since Jan this year and believe it or not she is the best one I had. Scary I know lol.

I have had some aids that are very quiet which I like but I have been in bad situations where I could barely move off the bed and one aid was ticked off because I called her boss as she took 1 1/2 hours for lunch and didn't want to work. I found out she was only to have 15 min break!! She started going off and I was a bit scared of her so I stayed in the other room and when she left about 20 mins later I locked the door and called her boss telling her never to send her back to me again. I have been through the ringer with aids. Most don't want to work. And I am here by myself a large majority of the time and I go out to take my dog right out front and I worry that some may try to harm me or take advantage of me somehow. I never thought at 40ish I would have to worry about someone harming me but I don't trust people at all.

You will be very proud of me today for what I did. She came in and kept telling me she had to get blood drawn for a blood test for TB or something (I wasn't even listening). She kept talking and talking so much that I was about to tell her to shut up (which I don't like to say). I was putting together a small Christmas tree and was absorbed in that and ignoring her. She would not stop. So I looked at her sitting about 4 feet from me and said "I'll bet you can't be quiet for 1 minute!" I think she was shocked and I said I need it quiet. She said well kathy I am sorry but I have to get blood drawn and I get nervous. I said you will be fine (Two days ago I got stuck six times for an iv and lived). She needs to stop whinning at me. She did shut up a bit then started again. I looked at her and said "The minute is not up yet." lol. She is quiet about two mins then starts with something stupid again. She said she wanted to leave early and I was like Yeah! I just don't get some people. She said she was an aid years ago but she just doesn't get rsd at all. I am going to do like you said and just look at her and tell her to be quiet I need it silent.

Good news is that I should have another aid hopefully within about a month. This person is a friend of a friend and is a bit quiet and does her work. I can't wait.

I even knocked on my new neighbors door above my condo and asked if they could keep the little girl from jumping loudly on my ceiling as I have a pain disease. So far so good as today there was no jumping. I was told the girl takes gymnastic classes. I said great but go to class and do it haha.
Thanks for everyone's help and suggestions. It is nice to know that I am not the only one going through this mess.
kathy d

Hi All from your "grumpy" RSD friend. Just wanted to give ya'll the update...my aid walked out today and quit! Alleluia! My home aid quit today.She came in my home today late and in a bad mood. She left after getting a phone call and came back even madder. I asked
her if she had my grocery card and she said no. I told her I never got it on Monday. She started swearing on her mother's grave that she gave it to me. I said ok but I never got it. I always keep it with my other cards and I give her an envelope to put everything in so she doesn't loose it. She gave me the envelope but not the other card. I thought no biggie. I'll just get her to get me another one next time she goes. She got mad at me, cried, and stormed out of my bedroom yelling "I quit." I said ok and let her go about leaving. She came in my living room carrying on saying that I make her do to many things at once and she can't do it anymore. So I said "Well, I think it would be a good idea for you to just leave" (Since she was supposed to escort me to a doctor appt). She was like a wild banshee and kept flying back and forth across the room saying she didn't know what she was doing or saying and that she would lose her job over this. I told her to calm down and call her husband to make sure he could pick her up. She said she did. I told her it has not been easy for me. I thought she was going to have a nervous breakdown. She then proceeded to tell me that they had so many other people here and she was the last one. I asked her what she meant by that and she did not reply (I think she meant that there was something wrong with me lol). I thought it not even important for me to go into anything with her as she was not in a good frame of mind and I had to go to the doctor. I felt bad for her but at same time she is supposed to help me. I don't need all the drama and stress. She has progressively gotten worse each week. Crazy huh? I was happy she was gone and now can concentrate on a friend of a friend that is to work for me. This aid thing is so stressful. What we go through in one day is amazing. This will all be in my forthcoming book ;.) Thanks for listening to me vent.
kathyd

Kathy,
I agree with trkdvr.

You are tolerating too much, in your own home, from someone who is supposed to be helping you!
I hope you deal with it, without it 'dealing with you'!

Be well!

Pete
asb

Thanks Pete. I agree too. Problem is...what help is out there is really bad and this last aid was the best out of all of them (which doesn't say much about her) :.( When you are in the position that I am in I can't be too picky but it sure is stressful). I understand from being around people with ADHD that not everyone learns things at the same level so I was trying to take that into consideration. I am working on getting a friend of a friend to help me now. I hate to be dependent on anyone so rsd has been really hard for me to have to ask for help.

Update-----About 6:30 tonight my aid called me calm and quiet (for the first
time ever haha) and said she was sorry that she had a migraine earlier (I've
had migraines and never acted like that) and the music was too loud
(there was no music on at my house at all) and she had talked to her
boss about what happened today. She said she wanted to come back here
on Friday. I told her no. Then she said "Well do you want me to come back Wed and Fridays only?" I told her no that I would need to make a few phone calls and not to come back here and her boss would call her about it. She said well you didn't even call the boss. I said that I was not home all day (she knew I was at the doctors because she was supposed to go with me). Amazing how crazy some people are these days. I am hoping she has a drug problem as I cannot believe someone could be as crazy as this woman was. Thanks for all your help.
kathyd

Kathy,
I'm so, so sorry for what you are going through!
As you know, however, we must keep on being strong and push through these people who just don't get it.
It seems to me, that perhaps you are helping your 'aid', more than she's helping you?!!

Maybe she does some physical things (don't put up with them being done wrong), and you are helping her mentally? Does that sound right?

Either way, I know that You are a positive force in her life, and the Universe!
(not in a freaky way), haha.
But, good for you, for sticking' around!

Best Wishes!

Pete
asb

Hi Pete,
I agree with you saying I am helping her more than she is helping me! I don't know what it is (the universe or something) but I always get people attracted to me that need help. I can go into a ladies' room and have women come up to me and start conversations about things I don't want to know.

It may be heredity because we used to call my mother "The Mayor of Philadelphia" because it seemed she knew everyone lol. Maybe they feel safe or like you said maybe I help them in some strange way but it always happens to me. I have had other aids that tell me all their problems and stuff I don't want to know or hear about. It is like I am doing more to help them then they are helping me. I had one aid who said she had four kids and no food. I had to go online and get info on a food bank near my home for her. Sad. I try to shut them up (nicely) but it only gets worse. I told this last aid I don't need to be entertained, I don't need anymore friends, I don't need to hear about your mother in law's issues with her aid, and other people in your life should not have any affect on my life. I am up front with what I expect on their first day, how I want things done, etc. but from what I have been told the norm for these type of workers is at first they are usually good but then they go downhill fast. What I have found that happens (esp when it is a state-run program) is that the state may pay the aid company $20.00 per hour or so but they hire a worker for $8-9 an hour and company pockets the rest...and they make money. They know which workers are bad and they just keep sending them to different people all the time. They are not training them and I have had quite a few aids that this is their first job in the United States and English is not their primary language. So, there is a language and cultural barrier because in their home country certain things are not done our way. I think it is not fair to the person whose first job it is but esp not fair to me being the patient in pain.

I had used a different company about six years ago and had my first aid for two years and the second one for 1 1/2 so I know it is not me. Both of them were like part of my family and did their work. Lately, all I am finding are aids that don't want to work, steal, cheat, and do anything they can to rip people off. I get angry and report them because I don't want them going to others to do the same thing.

I contacted the aid co. today and told the supervisor what went on. She said and listened then said "Well she has two other clients and I have no complaints from them." I said "Well the one client is deaf and it doesn't matter to him if you send someone that talks excessively to them since he can't hear her but for me it is not working." It was almost like she didn't want to hear it or anuything about my needs. I told her not to send me anyone that I will keep searching for an aid on my own. At least I will have peace and quiet for a bit until a new person comes in and hopefully they will be alot calmer;.) Thanks for your input.
kathy d

Holy Hannah Kathy! I don't think I could have handled the whole situation as well as you did. Give yourself a pat on the back! I sure hope you find a kind and understanding aid soon, you deserve it sweetie. Karen