Hi Dreambeliever-- i can Honestly say that i can relate to a LOT of your sentiments and "dread" about Holidays (easter, etc), now that you don't have you r beloved husband and the MEMORIES of how holidays WERE, now that he has passed.

I had a very good friend , when depressed, etc, about this scenario,and she told me something that has ALWAYS stuck in my "brain", and it has helped me a LOT (she was appealing to my "artistic side", so I hope this makes SENSE):

Rather than DREADING the holidays, or a situation, because there is just NO WAY they are EVER going to be the same--and rather than TRYING to make them "the same"--(because they NEVER WILL BE)---try HONORING SOME of the "tradition", BUT--add a little 'something new to the mix"--somehting that YOU and EVERYONE else can look FORWARD TO, and "incorporate" into a "newly revised tradition". My friend called theis "reframing" what we think is a NEGATIVE/Painful experience into a more "Positive" experience, into one that we can actually LOOK FORWARD TO.

At first, it sure did NOT MAKE SENSE TO ME!! BUT,--after beating myself against the proverbial "brick wall", I gave it a try! Ya know what?? Year after YEAR of trying to "make things the same" was NOT WORKING. So, I just decided--I am giving this "re-framing stuff a try"--and INCORPORATED a desire that I had to make a holiday "special" to ME--BUT, NEVER could do because of WHATEVER ..

It never occurred to me that OTHERS had their "special desires" as well, but just didn't speak up because of "family tradition" and thinking that if THEY did
something "different", it would be "upsetting the apple-cart", so to speak...

It was a MAJOR 'BREAKTHROUGH" to take my Gram's Thanksgiving Turkey and stuffing Recipe, (Same recipe EVERY Thanksgiving), and just decide to EMBRACE IT, but WITH NEW "TWEAKS" (Small example of "re-framing, and quite inconsequential, given your loss, Dreambeliever)..Now, we in the family, are all on the "look-out" for ways to make the "turkey recipe" and Thanksgiving something to LOOK FORWARD TO--we ALL have out "opinions" of just what to add, what NOT to add...and WHAT TIME WE WOULD LIKE TO EAT!!

Please understand the 'spirit" in which I say this, Dreambeliever...I guess what i am TYRING to say is tLife CHANGES, but just because YOU need to adapt in order to make a Holiday or something (your move, fo example), more bearable and actually PLEASANT, it is NOT "dishonouring" in ANY WAY, the times and traditions that you once shared with your loved one.

After all, all they would REALLY want for us is to BE HAPPY. They will be there waiting in Heaven when the time is right*....

I REALLY HOPE this makes "sense", Dreambeliever.

I hopre your surgery goes well so that you are feeling a LOT better! my prayers are with you!!

Most VERY sincerely,

Brokenwings

* *And I am fully prepared to face my Gram on the turkey recipe changes! I betcha see says-- GEEZE--I NEVER thought of changing it because I thought that was THE WAY YOU ALL WANTED IT!!! (Again, very small illustration about "re-framing")..

My dearest Brokenwings,
I will be emailing you soon. I just wanted to let you know I am going to be have the feeding tub in my stomach and 2 other suergies son. I will know more Monday hopfully at least I was told that. I will let you know as soon as I do . I want to wish you a Happy Easter............................ Thinking of you and all the help and ideas you have given me............. Thank you......... Karen

I just wanted to wish you an Happy Easter, and say thank you for emailing me I will be emailing you back this week I hope. I will find out Monday about the 3 different surgeries Im going to have. I will let you know as soon as I know what is going on.

I really wanted to tell you how wise you are. Thank you for helping me and undertsanding and you are just so ise and hw do you deal with RSD at your age, I'm not dealing well and I am just impreset by you. I thin my son is strong with his medical problems and the drs finally put him on heart meds to help him and all his other medical problems and he is dealing with my RSD too but you give me something different even more I think because I'm stuggleing so much with the pain and the last month or more of depression and now dealing with needing 3 surgeries because things dont look good for me with or without it. But thank you and Happy Easter and I hope you have good dreams ....................I will be emailing you as soon as I have more info. and to check on you to..

Best wishes. Karen (rsd kitti)

HAPPY EASTER to everyone and thank you for everyone that has been helping me trying to help me get through my pain and depression from the pain and I'm going to be having 3 different surgeries. I will let you know when.

Blesss everyone .................Happy Easter !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Karen (rsd kitti)

Best wishes for your surgery and recovery! Keep us posted

Debbie