[painman2009]

Ok so my liver function test comes up high, same as kidney. dr,s say that I need to be monitored now so this means alot of blood work and urine tests, they say that I cannot take any more drugs( I all good with that) but then say that they want to start me on an anti nausea script and a script to control my swelling. They all also say I must get my wedding ring off before I lose m finger and that I shouldnt wear it any more as the swelling will go up and down. I wear this ring all the time. it is a symbol i believe in. and when i look at it it helps be look over my life and it reminds me of how glad i am that i am married with four beautiful children. any way I went off course. So first they say no more extra drugs but then in the same breath they suggest two more.
I fear my kidney and liver failing.
ok another note... I hate My canes and walker but its a necessity. I hate that I cam no longer run. jump, skip, dance, climb. and stuff like that. but also the cane is always falling down. that said my wife is always knocking it down onto her legs and feet in which follows me being yelled at. even my daughter started in on it . there comment of how the canes and walker are a real inconvenience to them . and other stuff . basically what was said I understood that my injury is more painful for them then it is for me.. I already feel like crap because they have to paint the outside of the house. that they must maintain the gardens and lawn. as well as going in to the attic for storage, etc. . I do not take my pain killers unless there is nothing to be done that day that I may need to drive. but i take them at night.. I suffer the pain all the time I might be needed to drive. so evening is my only real time to take the pain killers . Im at a loss here. what can I do to make myself usefull to them. I feel like a burden. I am a burden thats why. they all start school in 6 days , and hopefully soon my wife will find a full time job. and while they are out I try to do all I can around the house(it isnt much) my mind is mush I feel like I am fading away as well.
I miss waking up and going to work, and I miss being active. my *** is becoming flat with all the time I am sitting or laying down. the pain also spreading inch by inch. taking away "me" . I have worked for thirty four years carving out the mold that is me. now I have to re-carve. but because I was already a form I have little to work with to remold. I ran out of thoughts. I had a train of thought but again it has derailed. oye