I posted this in the Chronic pain forum as well, but wanted to let my friends here know as well!




So I have come to a couple conclusions. I NEED to stop dwelling on the negative, inundating, overwhelming things that have been pushing my stress level through the roof.And, to remember the strong competent woman I know I was/can be!! I NEED to focus on bettering my health, mind, life. Not only for myself but that so my daughter has a positive role model. I have decided I am not going to let CRPS rule my thoughts, and body. As much as possible anyways. And I DON'T need someone who is dragging me down with negative energy and adding complications to an already maxed out body and mind.


I still have a LOT of pain, but I am choosing to ignore it as best I can. Which easier since I have the Lidoderm patches. I see a new Doctor on Thursday and am going to discuss medicine options with the patches, something like the Amitriptyline, and a possibly some form of narcotic for when I have break through pain only. We'll see how that goes. I am going to be more ASSERTIVE in my needs/wants because I don't feel I should have to tolerate a ton of side effects! It is my body and my money that's paying them so they should work with me on that front, if I say I hate how it makes me feel. Having me be fatigued to the point of falling asleep anywhere anytime. Or tons of nausea and vomiting to the edge of distraction.

I am going to BETTER myself and go back to school. This will be tough but I have to do something different, so I can provide for my daughter on my own. I have an actual, obtainable goal in mind that won't take years and years but WILL make independence a realistic goal! I CAN do this I know there are many others, who have faced bigger challenges and still have major success. I will NOT depend on the help of a man/partner when I CAN do it on my own!

Yes I am tired of being in pain. I am tired of having people look at you and not see anything that "wrong", so I MUST be exaggerating. My CRPS has not made my skin bright red or blue I have some visible mottling and temp difference and a little swelling. That does not mean I don't hurt. If someone can't be there for me and just accept what I say, well then I guess I don't need them in my life anyways.

I saw a quote today that for some reason struck a chord with me

""You do NOT have a choice about other people's behavior. People are going to do what they do and there is nothing you can do about it at all - except choose what your own behavior will be. ""

It sounds like a "no brainer"for most people, but when you have an issue with chronic pain, or a similar life altering event, you can forget the basics when you get caught up in everything else. You want others to be a little empathetic or supportive. When all I need for support is myself! I can be the one who understands and I DON'T need a partner to get it! Even though it would be ideal in a strong healthy relationship, it isn't a necessity for me to be able to cope. And if said partner can't support me when I need it most? Well I guess we were really partners then.

So from here on out I am determined to be there for myself and my daughter first and foremost! I can count myself very lucky as well. My condition was caught early, mainly because I sought a second opinion. I can plausibly push this into remission. Or at the very least keep it from progressing/advancing. As much as I hurt I will still hurt no matter what I'm doing so I'm going to do something for ME. The will better MY life, and advance MY future. My whole life I have always thought others should come before myself. Husband,kids,work, a lot of the time self sacrificing to a very bad fault. WELL not anymore!! With the exception of my daughter I and coming FIRST, MY needs will be taken care of. And if I am called selfish, so be it. I've come to a point in my life where I MUST focus on myself.


Yes I will have limitations. Physically and Emotionally at times. I will still need to lean on people from time to time, but I need to draw strength from them. Not have them take what little I have left, then have them NOT help clean up the resulting mess. I don't know exactly how I will do it in my own, but I have faith in myself. If I can get the right combo of medicine and support from a medical team.....then I can do damn near ANYTHING I out my mind to!!! And it's about time I started!

I guess I've just come to the conclusion that I don't need a MAN, to help me


And I know it will be difficult BUT I can do it. A very wise man once said "if we had only the faith of a mustard seed we could move mountains" Well maybe with enough resolve I can work past this pain, and condition and STILL better myself. And honestly with what I am contending with now maybe it's better I saw his true colors before we got married....

Now where can I find a good living room set for a reeeeally cheap price??? lol

My rsd cost me my former marriage, and it turned out to be a great thing. RSD is hard enough without doubters in your life. My favorite quote is like yours..."The only thing you can control is your attitude". Good luck!

Sounds like you had an emotional breakthrough. Good for you! A therapist is still a great option to have... I'm not an active patient, but I have been in the past, but still can make an appointment as needed.

Have you told your fiancée this yet???

While I applaud your idea of going to school--I went that route, may I suggest you at least wait until the fall at earliest... You need to concentrate on taking care of yourself and your daughter first and foremost. The "window" for best opportunity for remission is relatively short. School can be as stressful and demanding as a ft job.

Lastly, a small amount of time released meds is more effective than breakthrough meds. And since you're in WA, you're likely going to have a hard time getting anything--but asking for time released shouldn't worry your doc as much.

Congrats!

And craigslist for the table, both in the free section and furniture section. Moving it will be more of an issue. Or you can call your local Salvation Army, sometimes they provide furniture for free or at a discount for those in need.
Thrift stores (Goodwill, Salvation Army) often have 1/2 price days a few days per month, so call around. If you have a modest budget and are particular, furniture consignment stores have designer pieces available for 50-75% off retail.

LOLOLOL that was more of a rhetorical question but thanks!

Emily,

This is a very important statement that you posted. And from my experience, it is always better to "write it down" or "post it" to help with the confirmation!

I have had CRPS since 2008. Progress and perspective usually doesn't happen immediately. This is a marathon, not a sprint. You will have your share of struggles. But I think your relationship with pain is what you have made some progress with.

Good for you Emily. Good for you..............

My rsd cost me my former marriage, and it turned out to be a great thing. RSD is hard enough without doubters in your life. My favorite quote is like yours..."The only thing you can control is your attitude". Good luck!

Ah well, your good mood was catching!

LOL I should've never posted that! (just kidding) but you have to love the irony of feeling that way yesterday and my CRPS flaring up really bad later that night and today. I'm wondering if we did too much in PT. And debating on whether going to E.R., or waiting for doc tomorrow. I still feel the same emotionally as I did yesterday/ Just heightened pain! lol figures

Trying to just work through it. But this is a pretty good "flare-up", as I call it. I have started to prepare a point list to talk with the new doctor about. Still trying to get the Claims department to move along, being the squeaky wheel and all. I'm also supposed to hear from a lawyer today!