In my 3 year journey with rsd i have become severely depressed. The meds help somewhat. I have difficulty with my old hobbies hunting and golf. Could use some info what to do to make the depression go away. David

Dear David -

I'm sorry to hear of your depression, it must be terribly painful. . But in acknowledging your depression, you've also addressed one of the most significant problems people with RSD face is that they can no longer do those things they most enjoyed and/defined themselves by. Specifically, you mention the pain in not being able to pursue hunting and golf as you once did. Andy our reference to golf triggered something I'll get to in a moment . . .

For me, at the time I developed RSD, I had spent the previous 20 years defining myself as a business bankruptcy attorney, something that started out with a clerkship to a judge when I was just out of law school, and was reinforced day-in-day-out over the years, not only through work, but particularly to national conferences I made every effort to attend twice a year, flying around the country, hanging out with the same professional friends, getting into arcane debate in seminars during the day and partying at night. Then the RSD hit and while I continued to practice as best I could for just over a year and a half, I was lucky if I could bill 3 of the 8 - 9 hours a day I spent in the office, as a result of which, I only made enough to cover my overhead, taking home under $500 a month and sometimes nothing at all.

A friend in my office kept asking me why I was doing this if I could no longer earn a living, where my tortured cries could occasionally be heard through the walls, and I didn't have an answer: I just needed to do it. I still remember where I was sitting one February morning when it hit me: I was clinging to being a bankruptcy attorney not only because it was something I had taken pride in and in which I had long striven to improve myself, but which I had chosen to use TO DEFINE MY OWN IDENTITY. And the truth was, I was holding onto this "sense of self" as I might a love letter from someone very special who had nevertheless dumped me along the way. And in that precise moment, I stopped my struggle and could feel great weight lifting from me, then and there.

So where does golf fit into this? In a nice vignette told by Jack Kornfield in "After the Ecstasy, the Laundry," Bantum Books (2000) at pp. 184-85, he tells the story of a public talk given by a gentlemen, crippled by a stroke and forever confined to a wheelchair, requiring assistance in completing even the most basic functions of life:

In May of 1998, at the Spirit Rock Meditation Center, we hosted a large benefit for the medical care of Ram Das [fka Richard Alpert, PhD], who had suffered a major stroke the year before. After almost a year of rehabilitation Ram Das was able to talk, although haltingly, and he still groped for words. At the end of the day his wheelchair was placed on the stage so he could speak. Noting to much laughter that he had been warned it was tacky to come to one's own benefit - and that's why he came - Ram Das addressed his predicament and the question of identity:

For years I practiced as a karma yogi, the path of service. I wrote books about learning to serve, about how to help others. Now it is reversed. I need people to help me get up and wash my bottom. And I can tell you it's harder to be the one who is helped than the helper!

But this is just another stage. It feels like I have died and been reborn over and over. In the sixties I was a professor at Harvard and when that ended I went out with Tim Leary spreading psychdelics. Then in the seventies I died from that and returned from India as Baba Ram Das, the guru. Then in the eighties my life was all about service - cofounding the Seva Foundation, building hospitals, and working with refugees and prisoners. Over all these years I played cello, golf, drove my MG. Since this stroke the car is in the driveway, the cello and golf clubs in the closet. Now if I think I'm the guy who can't play cello or drive or work in India, I would feel terribly sorry for myself. But I'm not him. During the stroke I died again, and now I have a new life in a disabled body. This is where I am. You've got to be here now. You've got to take the curriculum.

(And speaking of past lives, Richard Alpert had grown up as the son of the president of the New York, New Haven and Hartford Railroad!)

I know this sounds hard, but it really isn't. We fight only to do our best as we can with what we've got. And if there was something we used to do that's really no longer in the cards. We move on. And in so "taking the curriculum" develop maturity we never had before. And it works, so long as we are willing to finally let go of those objects of desire, however central to our lives they once were: and here I'm admitting of really "big stuff," going well beyond golf or the practice of law. But the truth is, we can only play the hand we're dealt, and if there's a new one every day, so be it.

Hope this helps. In any event, I've been working with this for a while, and it's the best I can come up with.

Mike

Fmichael really did give some excellent advice......most of us find ourselves in a position where we can't do the things we used to do.

I used to be a competitive barefoot water skier, hunted, golfed and was active in every sense of the word. But since Sept. 11, 2008 (I'll never, ever forget that fateful day), those activities are no longer in the cards.

I've tried to make some adjustments. Instead of actually water skiing, I now drive the boat and coach a bit. I can still hunt, but with some modifications and with somebody else around. As for golfing, I now just ride in the cart when my friends golf and make witty remarks about their shots!

I also would urge you to not be afraid to try different meds if the ones you are currently using are not working. It's not unusual to have to try a number of them.

And lastly, don't forget about some talk therapy with a psychologist. Some cases of depression react best to a combination of medication and counseling.

Hang in there.....don't let CRPS define you. We're all in this together!

THANKS FOR GREAT ADVICE! I do see a physchiatrist regularly and am still experimenting with different drugs. I guess if life was fair possums could run faster. David

possums. ek We have these ugly stinky critters running around our neck of the woods.

Sometimes it's hard to stay above the depression, oh how I know.
You've got some great feedback and all I can really add is that talking about it to someone who really understands helps alot.
On the days the dark cloud rolls around is when I try to surround myself with lighthearted people and DONT watch the news! I have some 'ammunition' recorded on my DVR so that I can pull up a funny movie or stand up commedy. The worst mistake is isolating yourself.

God Bless
Rae

I have suffered from depression long before having CRPS. I have had so many health problems with pain and my body and now I have crps to top it off. So I have to be careful to keep my depression on check. Everyday I wake up thinking about the great things in my life that I am thankful for. I always look for the silver lining, and I live by the saying "Everything happens for a reason!" Everyday I look in the mirror and tell myself something great about myself. I know that sounds silly but it really does help. Usually at first it seems stupid, but after a while you start to believe in the things you are telling yourself. Have you tried also to look for new hobbies that you enjoy doing? And I do believe in talking with someone, letting your feelings out or just venting can help alot. I wish you all the hope in the world. I hope this helps. How are you doing?
Angelina

I am going through a bout of depression myself right now. I agree with what others have said. The hardest thing for me to admit is that I'm not my pre-RSD self. I've struggled with that pretty much constantly. Being extremely active, it has messed with me. I have kick RSD ***** playlist I listen to, read funny books, movies. I don't have a lot of friends. I used to be an extrovert, but rsd is a very isolating disease. I don't talk to many, but I visit here. I play with my kids. Well, they're all Tweens/teens, but we shop and stuff. I isolated myself, and that was a mistake. I have 2 or 3 friends, a few acquaintances, and several here and on Facebook I talk to. You van talk to me anytime. I have RSD in all four limbs. My legs are controlled with scs, waiting on my cervical trial. I have incision spread. I'm very concerned about my eyes right now. I hope it gets better. It's so hard to have a disease few know and fewer understand.

Feel better!!

TK

someday my depression overwelms me, i cant think ,cant remember anything its gwtting so hard to keep going on

I'm just going to touch on a few things that weren't mentioned since you received such great advise.

1. Try finding a new physical activity to help combat your depression. Try walking, hiking, swimming, yoga, Tai Chi, etc. Would an electronic version of golf, (guessing WII has a version?) be fun? You don't need to play for a prolonged time, just try practicing your swing a few minutes at a time.

2. Consider adopting an animal if you don't have one already that lavishs you with unconditional love. Family and friends are essential of course, but those buggers are complicated. I can't begin to tell you how much the quality of my life has improved since I adopted my fur-baby. She knows when I'm dealing with a flare and just cuddles up, and she knows when I'm just being lazy, and forces me to take her on longer walks.

3. Learning to adapt is not easy, but you will.

4. If you can afford it, go on a vacation. Somewhere tropical where you can swim in warm water preferably! Even doing a weekend trip to somewhere close can really help. (And we can help with all the tricks to manage traveling as well.)