[CRPSsongbird]

So before the RSD started, I took care of the house. Usually 9 times out of 10 I would come home cook diner for the family do the dishes, clean whatever would need to be done. Me and my fiance worked at the same place held the same title and hours.So we both would have worked all day. While I as doing the cooking and cleaning my fiance would go into the bedroom or living room and play an online war video game. Sometimes He wouldnt even stop playing and I would bring him dinner. A lot of times really.

Well the RSD in my entire left arm made that very difficult, if not impossible most times. Now I have a different ob and work much after I dont gt off until 8 pm and because of the drive time I get home around 9pm.

So now he is responsible for cooking dinner, doing the dishes and making sure the younger kid bathes and what not. Well from my previous post last night you can see I ripped off half my fingernail. Which of course i flaring up my arm now. So we had bought a bunch of paper plates to help out on the level of dishes (sorry trees we do use the recycled ones though). So last night I didnt really eat much just hi and the kids I made a sandwich, on a paper plate. Now hes angry because I didnt want to do what very little dishes there were because of my arm and finger!

For almost 5yrs I was the one who did all the work while he played a stupid damn game. I am so angry, I usually am very easy going but this really ****** me off. I know a "tit-or-tat" isn't helpful but I mentioned that I had done exactly what he does now for 5 yrs, so I understand how he feels.....he just got more angry and said fine I'll take care of it. Not copping to that fact that he barely had to do anything like that for the Past 5yrs!

ANd the weird thing he when we moved in together he was wonderful at helping around the house, infact he was neater than I was!

Was is just complacency that lulled him into this lazy pattern or is he jusr being an ***?

[Brambledog]

It's so hard isn't it, makes me mad...

Your life is effectively changed and massive chunks of it taken away without your permission, by this horrible painful condition - and then THEY have a hard time with it... Don't get me wrong, I sympathise with my husband, his life has been changed by this too - but as you say, I don't expect him to do anything I wasn't doing myself before this.

My husband has a few times where he gets fed up with it all, and we end up having a row, it's always because he feels put upon and that it's unfair on him, and the money aspect of me not working as much never helps... He apologises in the end, and we talk it through, but I never forget what was said, and i feel so guilty. Fab.

You're not alone on this one, I think we all have to deal with family and friends not understanding that so often we just CAN'T do something, even if there's nothing to see the pain can still be horrible. And after an injury like you've got now, you do have to be soooo careful of it. They just don't get it, no one does unless they're dealing with it themselves.

All you can do is try to talk it through...good luck, and I hope things are brighter very soon for you all. It must be so tough to deal with on top of everything else.

Bram

[Nanc]

First of all, sorry about your finger and arm. I know it has to hurt like crazy! A few years ago, I got my foot caught under a door at work. I had sandals on and it ripped the nail halfway off on my second toe (the dr removed it the rest of the way). Thankfully it did not aggravate my RSD...a later injury to that same foot did.

Secondly, do not apologize for venting, you know you can do it here anytime! I think you need to sit your fiancé down and have a serious heart-to-heart conversation with him. If he doesn't get it now, then you need to help him get it Something that helped me with some family members is showing them the McGill Pain Index. My husband said it was an eye opener and really shows the level of pain, which is really hard for those without RSD to comprehend. Thankfully my husband understands and takes care of all those things I can no longer do...like housework, grocery shopping, etc. He also drives me everywhere!!

I wish you luck on this difficult situation. You have enough to deal with already!
Nanc

[SloRian]

I second the McGill Pain Index thought! My family on my husband's side just really didn't get it until we showed them that.

[AZ-Di]

Just like Nanc. said. I'm sorry your guy is being such a jerk. Mine has had his moments as well. I think sometimes they fall into "selfish" mode and they don't "get it" until something snaps them out of it.
As if being in so much pain isn't hard enough to push yourself through, then the emotional pain just makes it that much harder.
I hope he comes to understand and appologizes. Have you been to RSDHope.org? There's some really good information on the site to help family and friends try to understand.
Hang in there.

Get him to watch this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MviVcjWZDts

[CRPSsongbird]

Thanks everyone! I have unfortunately shown him the McGill pain scale, Had him look at RSDhope, all sorts things. I think he just really doesn't get it. He figures he can deal with pain, so why cant I? Arrg. Also I was actually more mad when he insisted in playing vide games until 230am in the bedroom where the good tv is, I cant sleep easy on our couch. So I finally made ho get off and told him I was mad. He said " why couldn't u just nap on the couch till I was done".... IO seriously don't know why hes been so self-centered lately.....


It is really helpful to have you all understand...at least someone gets it

[tkayewade]

I'm kind of going through the same thing. I just had surgery Wednesday and I feel like I'm sitting here flailing. It's annoying and it just makes me more depressed. I just want to bury my head in the covers and never come out. If you, or anyone ever want to talk, just message me.

TK

I'm sorry you are going through this. This disease is not fair to our families and I'm sure it is frustrating to have the division of labour shift like that. But it doesn't seem like the division of labour was very fair before and that was by choice, whereas you can't help having the limitations you have.