Sometimes, just sometimes. I just wish it would end. I am normally a happy person. I can usually deal with whatever this crap throws at me, and still keep being me. I can still love life and live it, well around the CRPS anyways. But lately. It has been so hard. I been trying to oull myself out of this funk.

I just feel so...

Sick
Hurt
Angry
Depressed
Grieving
stressed
Sad
resentful
Manic
Nauseated
Hurt
Confused
Frustrated
Useless
Broken
doomed
Done
desperate
Hollow
Frail
Frayed
lost
helple
crazy
vengeful
exhausted

And so many other things that I can't even put into words. Sometimes, whens it takes everything I have to get through work, or even just the day, because I just feel like bursting into tears and crawling back into bed...

My arm CRPS is progressing. Its turning more red. It's still not super cold, but the last flare up I had was the worst yet. The pain was so intense I was vomiting. Granted the pain died down a bit, nut y daily pain level is still way higher than it had been. I had been having such a "breakthrough" for the last almost 3 months. Between my new medications, lifestyle changes, and altering how I was living, everything was going really well.

I had kept my head up and stress down when I was "let go" in march for missing too much work, and being down to part time. I stayed strong and kept positive and was thrilled when I found a job only 3weeks later. even better it turns out I love the new company I work for, so even though there is typing involved its not quite as much as the last job and I like it.

.....Then my CrPS reared it's nasty head. Looks like not only does cold and damp are a trigger, now so it heat. We've had a but of a het wave.....and my doctor and I think I'm like one of the 3% percent of CRPS sufferers whose symptoms are also triggered by hot weather......

I just can't take it, I really can't! How in the world can I life my life? I was already coping with the fact that I can't do a ton of things with my daughter that I used to... now I'm going to have to extremely limited my activities outdoors in the summer too? I can't go (gently) swimming on a hot day with my girl???? How am I supposed to live like this? How can I give her a normal mother when I have to deal with this...