So the baby has been dead for at least a couple weeks. I should bee 7-8 weeks along and it hadn't grown past 4-5, and there's no heartbeat. My body isn't going into a miscarriage naturally yet and I just can't wait knowing what I know for up to 2 more weeks for it to happen. So I'm scheduled to have a D&C today.....I'm so torn over it.

I know the baby isn't "viable" as they put it, but very very small part of me kept hoping for a miracle. I can't seem to stop crying for very long. And I'm nervous about my CRPS moving or flaring after this.....I'll be totally under so I want have to experience it but.....I almost feel wrong for doing it. Like I'm having an abortion or something. Which I do not look down on other people for having, but couldn't do myself. I truly wanted this baby....I just cant seem to stop grieving. Someone said..."well you weren't that far along, it's not that bad" I just wanted to knock them out. I don't see how someone could think that it's any less of a baby, or that I shouldn't be hurting this much, because I'm not that far along.

I seriously am so hurt by this. It wasn't planned, it was a huge surprise. ANd then to have the hopes and dreams I had already started planning just ripped away. Seems really unfair. Like here's a great joy, but you can't really have it sorry, just kidding. I feel cheated, and angry along with a pretty intense depression,

I know this board is for CRPS but I figure this is hand in hand with my condition as well. It had gone into a kind of "remission" pain wise. Now I'm afraid it going to flare-up big time, or that it will spread internally or something......so many things going through my head.