lol.. me too!!!
Well said Bram.. it is that feeling of being "lost" when I initially felt like my whole identity was taken away by this beast. Thank God that feeling passed as I learned new things about myself despite it all.

Thanks to all who take the leap and share on this forum!!

Tessa

I took pride in my work. I worked hard at doing it and then having it taken away by this does give me a sense of loss. I don't like not having something physical to do. All the jobs that I've had that I felt complete doing were physically demanding. I had to think and do stuff physically. Now this dang beast won't let me and I'm not talking about my goober boy either. I am really irritated about that. There won't be anymore goin out and building a shed or greenhouse which I really want on my land. I will have to watch others do it. I'm a physical person. I hate having to give my husband the shopping list to get groceries. I hate not being able to clean my house and steam clean my carpets, or get down on the floor and play. We all have those thoughts I know. Some of us can't even walk and have to use a wheelchair. I am one of the luckier ones to just have to use a cane. It still sucks. But we WILL get through it.

"Brampage" LOVE IT!
Hey Bram, if you get to be the doty aunt, I'm older than you so I get to
be the "Grammy". That's what my g.daughter calls me. I wear kitty socks and sneak the pets treats too

I agree with the thought that we are like a family on here.
I couldn't have endured this with out all of you. We all share what we
learn and experience along the way in hopes that it may help someone else.
However, of course not everything works the same for everyone.

I've offered support and have literally sat here and cried for some of our family on her. I've wished I could reach and hold a hand or hug someone.
Thinking that I may be helping someone else on here with their frustrations
helps give me a sense of purpose if that makes any sense.

I truly apologize if I've ever expressed anger toward anyone on here! I've had a few rants lately I know and I'll try to keep them in check.
I appreciate all the support, just to know someone is "listening" helps.
You know with a simple "hang in there" or a huggy face.

That's why we are all here to help and support each other. Finally my ob is taking me serious about my crps. He wants my recordsmfrom my pm so he can read up and said he wasn't as familiar with itmas he would like. Yes! Chalk it up to another one willing to learn. So this has been a good day even if I hurt and I still have a charlie horse in my calf lol.

It's a deal lol

No no NO!!! Don't keep them in check! We are the people who understand - when nobody else does, we do. The whole point of this forum is for us to be able to truly express how we feel, when we can't let it out in our real lives. Take that away and we spend every minute here looking over our shoulders. That would be a real tragedy. Rants are what we do best - they are us at our most raw and vulnerable, when we reach out to another person for comfort and reassurance. And seeing another person's rant let's us know we are not the only ones struggling to deal with this. Keep ranting if you have to everyone. I don't want a sterile happy-clappy forum where we have to pretend to be ok! (I'm not saying anyone else wants that either, btw lol!) I completely disagree with a personal attack on anyone, but I think that's very very rare.

Awww, me too

Bram

Yeah I tend to talk with my hands a lot when someone can’t hear me. It is my knee jerk reaction. Like my husband for instance. I can’t tell you how many times he and I have been out on location filming in some quite situation and we’d be what felt like football field away from each other dealing in hand signals and many times I would default to sign language. I would tell him; things would be easier if you would just pick up a FEW signs … lol.


Oh wow zookester, we are singing from the same hymn book for sure. I completely agree.

The biz: It crushed me when we first began to wind down. I still have moments that I just can’t believe that it’s ending, but it is a HIGH stress / pace occupation. Which oddly enough was one of the things I was okay with, but I can’t take thousands and sometimes hundreds of thousands of dollars from anyone and not be able to deliver. My brain just can’t operate at the level it used to either. Be it the drugs or the CRPS or whatever, it became embarrassing for me and impossible to keep pace.

We have had many clients who are law firms. One of which was Denver’s largest personal injury firms. Never did any court videography, but it really just isn’t possible for me to be up and on my legs anymore. And this cognitive stuff, well.. . it’s just too much.

On the upswing (Lord knows I’m trying to find some), in about six weeks I should be able to put this last client to bed and that will open me up to do whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it. I am looking forward to that freedom. I am hoping this next spring I can work on some works of love. Perhaps some kind of docu. I would really like to do something for us, all of us. I would like to try and give back to this community of people who desperately NEED a voice, fundraising, PSA's for the general public and doctors who don’t have a clue what CRPS is… something... I want to do something like that. Just haven’t nailed down what yet. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I have looked at all the equipment we have and have thought that it’s time to sell it. I just can’t bring myself to do that yet.

Thanks for the response Tessa!!

LMAO I have a small sign in my house that says " Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well."

What? There's fudge in Cambridge?! I'm in!!

When things would get over the top crazy at the studio I would tell my husband that I was going to take up a less stressful occupation... like air traffic controlling! I guess I'll have time for that soon!

Man y'all are making me laugh at some of this stuff. I was starting to down hill mentally and not remembering things before they started the meds. I think its actually part of this dang disease. At least I remember my sons and husband's days lol. Can't remember very much else at times but hey I'm also a little bonkers lol.