May I Ask, Do You Feel It Is In Your Best Interest To Take The Medications That Make You So Sick? I Am Of The Belief That Each Of Us Can And Should Do What Is Best For Ourselves And No Doctor Can Tell Us Differently. If It Shortens Your Life, But Makes Your Life Of A Better Quality, Than You And You Alone, Should Make That Choice. So Many People Do 'what The Doctor Says' And I Disagree Strongly. Doctors Go By The Book [sometimes I Wonder What Book??], An Individual Goes By Their Own Emotional And Physical Self. You Also Start To Feel That The Doctor And The Illness Are In Control Of Your Life, And When You Feel You Have Gotten To That Point, Where The Illness Owns You And You No Longer Own It, Then You Get Discouraged To The Point Of Taking Your Own Life ... I Guess To Get The Control Back. So, Do What Is Right For You And Keep Sharing Your Burden. We Have All Had Those Thoughts. Joan

I wonder if a different doctor in a different place might adjust the aids meds? I guess I am thinking of Portland or Seattle? But I don't know if that is an option in your case.

Rogue -

As always, Jo's comments are right on the mark.

That said, were I in your shoes, there isn't a decision on your list I would not have made myself in the name of life and love. But then, I've always been partial to redwood rain forests, and have given explicit instructions that's where I want my ashes to go when the time comes. (Either that, or a wooden pire with lots of sandlewood oil on some hillside overlooking the Pacific, but that's not going to happen as long as the funeral industry has lobbyists in Sacramento.)

Mike

p.s. You and Michael are lucky to have found each other. But then you knew that already!

I really appreciate the support, it means a LOT.

JoanM, you are right on target! The whole "quality of Life" issue is my main concern. I am already close enough to that, as it is.... but add those pain-inducing aids meds, and it's just too much.

Jo, That's one of the biggest problems. There is NO way to adjust the dosages, no matter where I live. They only come in "one size fits all", which doesn't work for "all" regardless of what they say, lol. As a tiny woman, I have never been able to buy clothes that say that... so of course the meds are the same way.

fmichael, it's wonderful to see that someone else knows what I mean about the redwoods, lol... those are some mighty old, mighty wise trees, aren't they? And you never know... I might get there and the trees might tell me my decision is wrong, after all.

And I assume you've tried massive doses of Neurontin and/or Lyrica for the PN. Correct?

p.s. Just saw your other thread at the bottom of this page, which sugests that you may not be as familiar with these drugs as I had thought. If that's the case, I would urge you to get acquainted with them in some detail, before you assume that there's no effective treatment for the PN that will work. Ditto re consideration of Marinol [synthetic THC] at a "suitably therapeutic dose" for both nausea and spasm control.

Just because.

I just wanna let you know,you are in my thoughts and prayers.
You sound like such a strong woman!
I'm sure you probably don't feel so strong right now..but you sound that way to me!
Prayers for strength and making the right decision on the way for you.,

Kell