@Vrea sorry didn't see your second post.... nm
I want to tell you a little about my mom so maybe it could help you understand how your daughter might feel from a more inside perspective.

My mom (step-mom but she was mom) died in the spring of 2009 I was 22. Around 11 I noticed something was wrong with her but no one talked to me. She had broken her back at work and worked with a broken back for over two weeks. she was a surgery room nurse, the doctor during surgery asked her to stand in the door way so he could get some air , I still don't know why he asked but he did. Those doors are electric programed to close at 90mph too keep contaminants out the handle caught her in her lower back. even after corrective surgery she was in agony every day.(not to mention my father broke his a year later) we all adapted. Three years later she came back from what should have been a quick shopping trip and collapsed, we all had seen she was losing weight and fast but she kept telling us she was okay. She wasn't she had a ulcer that the surgeon was able to put two fingers through. She died twice in the surgery room and once in the ICU bed in front of me, but she made it.
Looking back on it now I know all my cheerful fronts and blank pain face I got from her, because that is exactly what she used to do. I wish she had let me help her more, I wish she had not stressed about how it was effecting me because almost losing her effected me a whole lot more. I wished she had talked to me about the emotional side of it, the frustration the self anger the self doubt. At the very least I wish she had been honest with me about how bad it was. Maybe it would have prepared me for what happened to me not that any of us wish this... this... demon on our children.
Because she wasn't honest with me I left town for a year at twenty not knowing every second was so very precious. Eventually because life can be cruel and kind at the same time I came back, found a little apartment and spend not nearly enough time with her, I was back in town for eight months before she died.
The weekend prior had been mothers day, she finally saw my apartment , I took her to the movies and dinner. I was the last one who spoke with her , she asked me to bring a watermellon when I came over Monday after classes she died Friday night alone, probably scared, and fighting for every breath. She died from a genetic form of COPD , her body just became too weak to fight anymore.At first I thought i was angry at her from lying and leaving but I was really angry at myself for being so blind. We as the child think our parents are invincible at least until their 60 or so, life doesn't work that way. The guilt still eats at me nearly every day.

What I was hoping you would get from this is don't hide it, don't play false happy all the time talk to her without guilt be honest because yes she may be your child and she needs to be protected from somethings but this isnt one of them this is your life everyday. She will be scared but she will also cherish every moment with you.

I am sorry about your parents if my Dad was to die anytime soon, I don't think I would make it through okay. I am glad she is finding a mechanism to cope.

Your arms as well as your leg how do you adjust to that? Do you work? or can you I should say? I simply can't image the hardship. It must be so frustrating. (my primary emotion it seems now)

The grief for the former me happens a lot to me, I have changed so so much. And, some of the changes are so odd and hard to I understand. The Dancing , the horses, hiking, shopping ect I get. But I used to draw and paint, I was good to! I lost that, it holds no wonder or fun for me anymore. I lost that magic thing that created those wondrous pictures. Every time I open a sketch book nothing comes out well.

I lost every friend but one because I had changed so much and they didn't enjoy the new sedate me, we no longer had things in common."What good is an interest in hiking if you never show up to do it" quote from one of them when I asked "why I hadn't heard from her for so long and do you have any pictures from your last hike?" So now I have made new older friends , my unofficial fiancee Dave (waiting for ring still lol) is 16 years older then I am sugar daddy.

I'm not a only child and its a little complicated so I will start easy . At thirteen I permanently move in with dad and step mom Dar (she is the one who died, who really mothered me.) in that house I was the youngest by nine years with two older delinquent siblings.

I am the only child between my bio mom and dad. Bio mom has three other children one boy older(lived with his father from 3 onwards) one girl younger and the youngest a boy. so in her house I was the oldest. I basically raised those two children while bio-mom ran around doing drugs. I would repeatedly give up and move in with dad then be guilt-ed by bio-mom and move back in with her to take care of the two young ones. It was a lot of back and forth. when the abuse went from neglect and mental to full out physical I knew I couldn't do it any more.

Luckily this TMI Openness and verbal sewage wasn't one of the changes!