Hi Joan,
I don't mind you asking questions. Its nice to have someone to talk to who knows exactly what iam talking about. I rembember all to well things like the kids at school, the crutches, operations. My mom was always taking me to the hospital for something. I wanted to ask you a strange question. Did you get any phobias from this. This sounds stupid but, I am so afraid of turtles. The drs. said the only thing they can come up with is that when i first saw a turtle, it reminded me of "my shell" and it must have been very tramatic for me. I use a body pillow folded in half to keep my foot up at night. I can't move it at all. I go to the drs. today. Iam glad we met. I can't belive it either.
Hope your well.

Love Sue

HI SUE,
well yes i have some problems from the years in the cast, and all the 'hands on' by too many people, and also my mother abused me while i was in the bosy cast so that did not help ... so i ended up with claustraphobia, i believe from the anesthesia mask since i always got extremely sick from the gas so i do not like anything covering my mouth, and i do not like just anyone getting to close to me or hugging me, i do not like to be held down, like if someone is fooling and hold you down .. no way. i am not very trusting. no turtles, but i can see that ... yes, that makes sense. we were like turtles in a way. i am uncomfortable in any situation that i am not in control of ... so yes, it leaves it's mark. my therapist says i have post traumatic stress from it all and from the abuse. but i love many things in my life, my art, my kids and grandsons, animals ... i mist tell you i have recently adopted two water turtles!! i will look at them differently from now on, and study how their 'casts' affect their lives. i think theyare quite graceful in the water and sitand watch them often. it is mesmerizing. i also love my cats and parakeets. i am a nature person and garden when i can too.
i am hoping your doctor trip went okay and hope you let me know what the doctors think is your best route now. seems all we do with our lives is adapt to whatever is thrown our way.
so keep me posted. lovingly, joan

Hi Joan!
Oh my!! Sweetie.. I am bawling my eyes out after reading your letter. I'm sorry you were abused, Joan. I think that your a very nice women from what I read on the boards here. Joan, I too am a nature person. I just love nature!! birds are my all time favorite. I just want to give you much needed Love you! Love, Desi

Joan,
Iam so sorry that with all that I know you went through your Mom abused you also. I had nothing as terrible as that but my mom worked me like crazy. She used me as her maid, babysitter, cook and so on. I think she wanted to forget that she didn't take care of me when I was born. So if she saw me doing all of those things, I must have been ok. I would tell her that it hurt, but she told me to just do it.
Its so strange how alike we are I also can't stand to have my face covered or have someone hold me down. I don't like being in small places with alot of people. I panic, can't breath. I went to a new therapist today. I think she'll be ok. She didn't know anythng about RSD but she is very willing to learn. I told her about some websites to go on. Take care Joan. I really enjoy talking with you. I told my husband that if I ever met you in person someday that I would just start crying. You are the first person I have ever talked to that knows everything about what my life has been like. Thank You.

Love
Sue K.

HI Sue,
it is funny you say your mother worked you like crazy and ignored your pain. mine did too! wow. i am so surprised each time we chat at how similiar our lives have been. yes, she did, what i now know to be sexual abuse to me while i was in the cast ... she made it seem like she was so caring to everyone, and they thought she was so doting. it was years before i figured out why, what everyone else was praising, 'felt' so wrong, and why i had nightmares about her hands all my life ... talk about phobias. i always thought she hated me for not being 'perfect' and i believe that now for sure. she resented taking care of me. she even told my daughter that she never enjoyed having children. i have worked through all that though. it took a while but i have come to terms with it all, and i have not turned out anything like her and so i am at peace. i was, and am, a good mother and love my kids and grandchildren so much. and i rarely see her. i have a great therapist and she did not know about rsd either but she knew all about pain and all about sadness and that was all i needed. i still go once a week. it is so helpful.
i will drive up to see you one day ... i can find springfield i am sure. you are already a sister in my heart. it is a unique experience to have felt alone in your soul for so long, and then meet someone who has lived the unique pains, emotional and physical, that we have endured, and now here we are rsd sisters ... i never in a million years thought i would meet such a person.
take care, lovingly joan

hi desi,
thank you for your concern. it is sick to do anything hurtful to a child and if you don't mind, i will take your tears and pass them on to whoever is suffering such abuse today. i had a loving nana and poppa and have some wonderful parts of my life that i prefer to dwell on. i don't give my mother any more of myself. there is much good to live even with rsd.
love that you love nature too. and i love the family i have made. as i told sue i will soon have two more grandchildren ... twins! i have six grandsons and yet i can't wait. i am only 55 so i have many years to watch all these children grow. my husband and i did good! we only had one daughter and one son and yet see how we have multiplied! ha!
have a low pain night, my friend, joan

these get lost so quickly ...... lots of chatter on this board!

Joan,
Just reading what you write, I know that you are a good mother and a great grandmother to your grandchildren. Iam sure they love you very much. I have always tried to be different from my mother. She hates the way I raised my kids. I think she is jeoulous that we are so close. She is also very ashamed that my grandchildren are spanish. If you saw my grandchildren you wouldn't belive how cute they are. It shouldn't matter what ther heritage is. I try to teach them about both sides of their families.
You said something about nightmares. I had awful night terrors. I wonder if its because of the way my mother treated me. They finally stopped when I had the twins. Always remember you are a good person and a great friend.

Love Sue

Hi ya Sue!!
You sound like an excellent mommy!! My sister's Grand kids are also Spanish! They are both so darn adorable!! It is NOTHING to be ashamed of!! Love and Hugs Sue xoxoxo Love ya!! Desi :0)

Hi Desi,
Some people are so stupid when it comes to stuff like that. I always managed to have a rainbow of kids around my house. I didn't want my kids to grow up hating people because of where they came from or the color of thier skin. My husband is greek and my girls are very dark. They always were teased because other kids thought they were spanish. I didn't want them to be that kind of person.
I wanted to tell you i love your post. You are such a positive person. you make me happy reading your posts. you are also very kind. You live in Ohio right? My Dad used to live in Zainsville. He died about 7 yrs ago. Its so pretty there. I loved to go visit, but the 15 hr ride is just to much. Take care.

Sue K.