CRPS/ RSD friends - I need your help. I have finally hit a breaking point and I can't think through what to do next. Can you please provide your input and help me see all the sides so I can make a decision on Monday? Here's the situation:
I've had CRPS since July, but wasn't diagnosed until early October. I have been struggling with anxiety for awhile from this condition, particularly since November, but it's become debilitating recently - around mid-January. My therapist wants me to go on medical disability to accomplish 2 goals - restorative sleep (I'm having trouble sleeping, but I also need to be taking naps, but can't worth my current work schedule) and to reduce my anxiety. My orthopedist agrees. I discussed it with my union rep and thought I would qualify for paid disability, so after much debate and soul searching, I finally agreed to medical leave. Once HR processed the paperwork, they determined I was ineligible for paid leave but eligible for unpaid leave. The union contract lawyer agrees with HR's decision, so paid leave isn't an option, unless my status at work changes, which it might in June, but I need a solution for now. Obviously, I cannot afford to live with no income, so I'm now trying to figure out what to do. Here are my options:

- use 1-2 weeks of vacation starting Tuesday (Monday is a work holiday) to rest and hopefully reset. After that, a modified work schedule until the anxiety is brought under control.
- do a modified work schedule now (I currently have 2 doctors' notes restricting my work hours to 6 hours a day instead of 7, though I have almost never worked only 7 hours a day, with 40 minutes of work and 20 minutes of rest every hour). In March, use 1-2 weeks of vacation when I start my mindfulness based stress reduction course.
- do a modified work schedule and use no vacation. Do note that while HR has indicated they will accommodate any reasonable request, it is unclear whether I will retain my salary and/or health benefits. Under the law, they don't have to if they normally don't for part-time employees, but since we don't have part-time employees, it's unclear what will happen and HR won't say until they get a note.
- unofficially not work. I was given permission by my bosses to stop working until I'm healthy, but there's nothing in writing protecting me if something goes badly.
- some other option I haven't thought of

Please give me your thoughts. I'm overwhelmed and need help. Ultimately I have to make my own decision, but I need thoughts on pros and cons of each. I can't see them. Thank you all so very much.

Hello Maygin,

Sorry you are struggling so. It's not easy to make decisions when stressed. Would taking vacation time give you a breather so you can make a decision during that period with your head a little clearer? Or do you think you'd just feel the clock was ticking? For some it takes a week just to decompress...

Littlepaw

For me, the uncertainty of finances, health insurance and job security would in themselves (each individually & combined)cause anxiety. When I went on my FMLA for my knee fracture, I used just enough sick/vacation time to cover my insurance premium every pay period. I did have my kids helping me with household expenses however.
I think I would opt for the modified work schedule now & plan vacation time for March. That way, if the modified schedule works to help with some anxiety reduction, then you will achieve more success with the course.

Littlepaw, I wonder if time off now will help clear my head or not. I worry that I'll just sit around stressing about the spread of this (it recently spread into my calf and now looks to be spreading into my knee), instead of relaxing. I think if I could step away from this, I would, but my family lives far away, so I have no where to go, especially since I can't drive. But part of me feels like I'm so overwhelmed at this point, I don't have any choice but to take time off. But I'm so worried that I'll need that time later, either when thus gets worse or I need a treatment that requires time off. My doctor had already mentioned outpatient ketamine treatments or spinal cord simulation. And that's where this all breaks down.

I'm leaning toward always_believe's recommendation, only because I think I will really need to commit to that course. It's expensive - I had to use savings to register for it - and I'm speed to mediate for 45 minutes every day, which is a lot of time considering how little I function right now. I just worry that I really need to take time now to even make it to March. Again, this all breaks down for me.

Thank you both for your input. It means a lot to me and I will definitely take it into consideration.

Maygin,

It sounds like you do have an idea of what you need to do. My thought was a process of exclusion. If taking vacation already makes you feel like the clock is ticking and already worried about losing that time then that is not the thing to do. One to two weeks off is not a lot of time. The only way taking vacation makes sense is if it clears things for you and gives you a chance to relax. This does not sound to be the case, so maybe you can safely exclude that option. It is anxiety producing knowing you do not have time in the bank. Perhaps there is a mid-range in here though. If you go modified schedule you could always take a long weekend just to give yourself an extra day or so to rest and reset knowing your schedule will be less heavy. Just a thought, weekends are never long enough....

Littlepaw

I'll chime in here with the obvious.
Find out if SSD would qualify you first. If so, find out if would be enough to sustain you. If both matters are enough, go for it. At least this would help out with your anxiety.
That's my humble opinion anyway.
Good luck in whatever you choose...