Straight UP, look out for yourself. I would not pay off the bills he incurred, I would pay 1/2. His daughters education expenses are not your, they are his and the mothers. Also, I never had to pay for schooling my children and they were exceptiopnal students?

He is playing yoy. HE loves you for what you can provide...a contribution over his head the roof, pay off some bills. THe most telling thing he said Tracy was, he can;t afford to leave you, so that has been on his mind.

I would feel he will make plans and have you out, when he is on his feet with your money. IF the check does not half come in his name, I would out it in your seperate account, get advise on investing some of it and then if you choose to help with the expenses you normally would have contributed too, without counting on this monies, then do that.

He is already planing and it is not in your best interest, it is HIS! Take the bull by the horns and don;t let your painful condtion money go to his needs and enable him to leave you high and dry when HE is done!!!!!

Get counciling Tracy, you need the support.
As you told him. there is the door....don;t tell you he has to stay financially, I would tell him to let the door hit him as he leaves.

I went through this in my first marriage, it was horrible to be taken advantage of and I never got over it.
My prayers are with you,
Dianne

Hi pookie--first ecvuse my typing--bad hand day..

First--when you INITIA::Y applied for SSDI, you did NOT have a "diagnosis", and I suspect that you didn't have the stated WORK RESTICTIONS.. the same thing happened to me, so as SOON as I go tthe "evidence" AFTER SSDI denied my claim, I filed for the reconsideration, vasee on ADDITIONAL EVIDENCE and "ner information" that the initial SSDI did not have when making the INITIAL determination... by that time the EVIDENCE showed that I had a pain magagment Doc, was having Stellate Blocks, etc. S My calin was APPROVED, with "back=pay",

On a more "touvhy subject"--i too was with a "good man", who also RARELY showed "emotion"..I literally "busted my butt" for TEN YEARS--saw HIM through HIS inuries and "family crises". But when I got hurt, sure, he was there for me==at HIS CONVENIENCE--if it did NOT "interfere" with HIS plans, or his FAMILIES plans. HIS gamily lived a 12 HOUR car drive from us; MINE--THREE hours...after ONE of my ulnar sulrgeries, we were invited for the Holidays by my sister, who had NOT seen me or spent the Holidays with me for YEARS.. BUT--oh no, my SO REFUSED, and INSISTED that WE go to HIS faamily * which he hs ALWAYS seen) ...it was "no joy" enduring a 12 plus hour card drive to see his vamily/
Whenever I sufferd the loss of a family menber== I had to go "solo"--but for HIS fanily==U had to call the Doctors, make sure the everything was taken care of. VISIT for the "perk me ups", another 12 hour drive for HIS needs, etc.

Like your husband, the ONLY tiome I saw my S/o of TEN YEARS shed a tear was when it was someting that affected HIM. He woukld NEVER talk or shed a teatr about ANYTHING in MY life--MY worries, MY fears, HOW y injuries were affecting "US"..

The BIg "wake up call " was last year-- i had gallen and broken my knee, was non-wight bearing fot 12 weeks, amd had to recu[erate at "his place"..and BELIOEVE ME if I could have RUN away, I would have.. hecpnstantly critized me for NOT KEEPING HIS PLACE SPIC AND SPAN--never mind the fact that I was in a wheelchair, with TWO crappy arms, and couldn't use the crutches in the FIRST place..

AND, he REFUSED to tale me ANYSHWERE in PUBLIC.so I was STUCK..

When I FINALLY got to the point of partial weight=bering again, and HAD to be on crutches, i WANTED to be back at my OWN HOME..HIS satellite dish had blown up, HE couln;'t watch Baskeball, but he was MORE than happy to take me home to watch the game on MY TV--UPSTAIRS.

At half-time, I NICELY asked him to bring something uo from downstairs==IGNORED. Finally, I decided I would just do it MYSELF/

Meedless to say, I coulde not use the crutches properly, made it down the first 2 steps ok, but the crutch got caught as I wasn[t able to use them wuite right, and ended uo falling down FIFTEEN STAIRS, ending up in a heap on the livingorrm floor, surrounded by briken glass and blood.

ALL HE did was SWEAR AND CURSE that he was NOT taking me to the "f'in ER", and turned the tv volume up. I DID manage to make it to the phine ion the kitchen, call 911 amd they came...the Paramedics saw him LEAVE by the back door.

For the follwoing ELEVEN DAYS that I was in the hospital for a broken jip, re-broken knee, broken ankle (and the RSD wasn[t doing too well, either) o was CONSTANTLY asked if he "did something to me"...

Oh==I have NOT HEARD A WORD FROM HIM SINCE--except that he DID use my washer dryer while I was in the hospital after he and his buddy went on acamping /fishign trip and had laundry to do...

Perhaps the relationship between you and your husband is different, and WHEN he does things it is also FOR YOU..NOT "just" for HIM in "at the moment" (if it is convenient for HIM), not "tomorrow (if it is convenient for HIM), or for his FUTURE (if YOU have something HE NEEDS, and it BENEFITS HIM).

I learned a VERY HARD LESSON, that MY needs are JUST AS IMPORTANT as HIS...and guess what??

A YEAR later after all this-- I am doing JUST FINE. SUre, there are some difficult moments, the "why did this happen to me" ,moments, but for ONCE, I AM living FOR ME, without someione "else" ytuomh to make me feel that if I do NOT have what HE needs WHEN he needs it, that I am
"not deserving" and SELFISH because the world didnt; REVOLVE AROUND HIS NEEDS.

Well , I hope this makes sense. It is diffivult to talk about , let alone TYPE/

i NRVER thought ANY of thiscould "happen to me", but it DID. AND I ,made it through. i have MANY more OPPORTUNITIES, and you better belive it, I am exploring THEM ALL, one 'step at a time",..LITERALLY!!

I hope this helps put thing is perspective...if anything i have said raises a "red flag" , TRY to get family counselling so you van talk about it BEFORE it turns out like my (nad OTHER's situations) == if he REFUSES and starts BLAMING YOU and the RSD and making YOU feel "RESPONSIBLE" -- RUN, and take your daughter and YOUR settlement money with you....

)Again, sorrry abouth the typos..)

Most Sincerely,

I want to thank you all for your input. I just want to live my life and try to be as happy as I can be. Sometimes I think that might be to much to ask for. it is a very difficult road to travel and I know you all have been there in some way shape or form. Again thank you.

Tracy