After being seen by a new and wonderful doctor who helped me more than I can say. My CRPS was "under control" as much as it can be lol. Today, after dealing with what I thought was a flare in my left leg for 4-5 days, I thought I'd somehow dislocated my hip in my sleep or something. It was a different and still excruciating pain and decidedly NOT CRPS pain. I couldn't walk on my left leg at all! So baaaack to the ER, we all know how frustrating that is. Turns out. I have Lumbar Degeneritive Disc Disease in my L4 and L3......with a herniated disc as well. It will most likely require surgery. We all know what that can mean with CRPS. so this is how I'm feeling.
It's rare for me to now have such desperate moments with pain. I've grown used to it. Yes, it still hurts, even if it's not as bad as it was. Yes, I try to live my life without focusing on pain or on the downsides of my life. Today I've been struggling with new fresh pain on top of the old. One that most likely won't be easily delt with. One that exacerbates the old. Making it harder to sleep, and live. Thank God I'm a strong woman. I know I will make the best of this too. I'll live, love, and laugh a lot. I'm thankful for many things in my life.
In times like this though......I really wish I didn't have to be strong. To hide my pain. To deal with it at all. I get so tired of hiding, of struggling. So tired, but incapable of sleep. Sigh.
But I wouldn't give up the lessons I've learned, the small and huge kindnesses of friends/family/strangers, and especially not the ability celebrate the small things I've gained back.
I know I will rise up above this too, eventually. But man, I'm so tired of having no choice.....