[Coffeebean]

I just wanted to know if anyone else feels this way? Take me - I saw my doctor yesterday and he ordered blood tests to look at the normal stuff (thyroid function, blood sugar, liver profile, etc.) So I took the slip to the lab (sweating from anxiety the whole way), got registered, was taken back to a seat for the draw. By the time I sat down I was sick with worry that "just that one little needle stick" could ruin what is left of my life forever and put me back into level 10 pain. I was so afraid of spreading the RSD that I got up out of the chair and almost ran to my car. Once I was safe inside my car I cried and cried out of frustration and depression over my own failure and the constant fear I have of this disease.

I have been kidding myself thinking I was getting back to normal; now way, I do this "altering" all the time. I won't ride my bike anymore because I fear falling; I won't walk around the house with flip flop shoes for fear of twisting my ankle and causing a spread. I am so afraid when I am cooking for fear I might cut my RSD hand. And going to the dentist for a root canal - took me almost three months (and 2 endodontists) to get the courage to go through with it. In the end, they look at me like I am a hypochondriac, I can see it in their faces. It makes me feel even worse about myself and my small little life.

I thought I was handling things pretty well until I saw myself in my car mirror yesterday and realized just how much I have changed since this disease. I hate living in fear of a spread or another bad flare. How do you guys deal with this? I almost feel like I am starting to live in a bubble to protect what little function I have left. I mean, gosh, I should be able to have blood drawn. I have read the protocal (get a pediatric needle) but I was turned down for that yesterday because the tech didn't think it was necessary since she could see my veins popping out of my skin and I "look so healthy" to them.

How can I better deal with this? Would counseling help? Will it always be this way?

Lisa