Dear Ali, I feel as though I know you. I am so sorry for your pain, I lost my Mother 4 years ago, this august. The recovery is hard. But something I read above is so true , I cant remember who posted it so sorry for that- but it is true he will never be far away. I have felt the comfort of my Mother many times during diffucult times she is always near. I imagine you too will feel that closeness as the pain changes.I try to remember the good times - private talks, special moments,and fun times. It can be the smallest thing and then I feel as though she is near. You and your familly are in my prayers. Im so very sorry for your loss Ali. CZ

Thank you so much Summertime and CZ for your kind words - it really helps knowing that people are here to listen and understand although I am so sorry that you both have had to lose your loved ones and that you have had to go through the same thing as me.

It's so hard trying to cope without my grandad but I know he will always be with me and is always looking out for me. It's so strange going round to my nanans house and realising that my grandad wont be there - I always used to look into my grandads chair and I still do it now.

Last Thursday, I had a pretty scary experience. I was in my bedroom on my computer and all of a sudden, everything in my bedroom kept moving. I told my nanan about it and she said the same thing happened to her on exactly the same day. I'm not sure if it was just my mind and wishful thinking or whether it was actually my grandad coming to see if I was OK but it did scare me quite a bit! My nanan also said that the other night she couldn't sleep and was laid in bed and she felt someone sit on the bed and it scared her also as when she opened her eyes, there was no one there.

I'm dreading Christmas. It will be the first Christmas without my grandad and I think it's going to be so hard on all of us. My grandad used to always love Christmas, he was like a baby when it came to Christmas! My nanan said she doesn't want to put her tree up but we're going to as I know my grandad wouldn't want us not to at least try and have some fun.

We should get my grandads ashes back sometime this week. My grandad always said that whenever anything happened to him he always wanted putting in the garden so that is what my nanan is doing! My mums also ordered a rose bush that is named after my grandad and my grandma is going to get a bench for us all to go and sit on and remember my grandad by.

I've been trying to go and see my nanan every day - it's pretty hard trying to go round when I don't feel too good but we have to go and keep her company. She has 6 kids but not many of them have actually been to see her. My nanans daughter (my aunty) has only been to see her once and when she came, she kept getting everything of my grandads and asking if she could have it. My grandad was always the soft one but my nanan said she isn't going to let her walk all over her this time. My uncle even had to pay for the flowers for the crematorium for her because she wouldn't pay for them! She's told my uncle that she will give him the money soon but I doubt she will. She got £2000 off my grandad for a new kitchen and he never got that back either. At least my nanans been careful though and has told her that she isn't getting anything of my grandads.

Thanks again for you all being here to support me through this rough time - you will never know how much it means to me.

Hi Ali

Im sooo sorry to hear about your gramps. Sometimes things seem like it is the end of the world, but it isnt it just feels that way.

I lost my gramps suddenly too, and even though it has been almost 20 years now I still miss him. It was real rough because my gramps died, then one year later my dad died. Life seemed empty for a while there.

The one good thing is I know they are not in any more pain, and that one day we will be reunited. I know they look in on us regularly, and that they are proud of us. You see, they arent really dead, they are more alive than ever.

I sure hope you get to feelin better, and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

So very sorry for your loss, Ali.

Hey Ali

Sorry about your granddad. I've lost all my grandparents now. My dad's parents were more like my mom and dad than my grandparents. Grandpa has been gone 23 years and grandma for only 2 now. I miss them both terribly! You'll always miss him but with time, it will get easier. The 1st holidays are tough without them. I believe you have the right of it to put the tree up and go on with christmas. The best way to honor someone's memory is to celebrate their life and do the things they loved best.

You and the family could do something special to celebrate as well. Something like....getting some air dry clay and making a special ornament for him, set up a spot on the mantle or under the tree even....like a "altar"...only word I can think of to describe it. Put a couple of candles (if it's on the mantle,use electric candles or a small strand of xmas lights under the tree) a photo of him, a bit of holly or mistletoe, a favorite object he had. Anything really that's meaningful to all of you and him. Just a few ideas for you and the family and maybe that'll spark some idea in you as to what to do.

My grandpa loved christmas himself and I always think about him more at this time of year. I also try to honor his memory in some small way every year too. Oh....you could, maybe not now, but over time, write down your memories of him, things you did together. "Interview" your nanan about their life together, special times, hard times, the day they were married, etc. Write it all down then put together a scrapbook with the stories and pictures in it. Not only would it be a keepsake but something you could share with your own children one day.

I'll be thinking of you and your family and wishing you easier days ahead.

Hugs,

Karen