They took scar tissue out. I have 3 one inch cuts and then they went in through my navel. I have no navel left I'd say because this is at least the 3rd time they have went in thru it. It didn't look right before so now after it heals I'd say it's gone. LOL

It was rough. One of my friends is a nurse in the operating room. She came in the room before surgery and talked to me about Bill. She knew him well also. She talked about how hard it is going to be. She lost her dad suddenly 2 years ago and she says her Mom is just now getting better. She said she went back and forth thinking about selling her place and finally she has decided to stay. I am going to stay here for now. Our house is big so I do think later on I might rent out a room and a bath to an elderly lady. That's just one of my thoughts. My kids want to pay if off for me in Jan. at tax time and let me move into an apartment and have extra money coming in on it. I only owe one more year on it. I don't like apartments but me keeping up an acre of land seems impossible too. I can't even start up a lawnmower.

I have been crying a lot. I think now the shock is wearing off. I kept my boys Wed. night and I went into the bedroom to cry. This was the first time I'd kept them since Bill passed. It was a reminder of how much he helped me with them. He would sat in the livingroom and watch anything they wanted to watch and I would watch tv in my room. I would go in to feed them and check on them off and on. I always tease them about being like little animals. I have to get them fed and watered so we could bed down for the night.

I did put up a tree. I needed to keep some normalcy for them. They haven't said anything about their Grandpa and I don't know if I should bring it up or not. I know they miss him. We have been with them since the day they were born in the hospital 13 years ago and 12 years ago. They each have a room here so that shows how much they are in our lives. We kept them one to two nights a week and on weekends. I get them again tonight. I have a Drs. appt. and then I'll pick them up.

I finally got out Christmas cards and thank you cards. I just felt like I needed to keep busy and keep things normal as normal as they can be.

I've had so many friends to come forward and help me. I am blessed with so many good people in my life. I feel like all of you here are a big part of my life. I have been here since around 99 so we have become family.

Bill's kids were wonderful to me. They helped me around here the week they stayed. They put the new lock on my back door that Bill had bought to put on. He had most everything done for me. He knew his time was near because of our family Dr. helping us to get things in order before he passed. We had just started paying on our cremation the month before but I actually thought we had a lot longer then we did. We sat at the table with Tom to fill out the paperwork for the cremations and Bill was laughing and talking about how we were planning a trip to Arizona and California. What a shock it was even though I knew.

Bill talked to Susan for an hour the night before and had talked to a friend of his the night before. Susan said he never talked to her that long. With us, we were watching CSI together the night before and talking about the show. It's strange how you don't say the things you should say because you think you have a lot of time left. Everyone should remember they may not have a lifetime together.

I just wanted to let all of you know that I'm trying to get through this, it's hard but I'm trying.

Thanks for all you have done for me and thanks for the phone calls.

Love.
Ada