Hi phyllis, I am past the half way point, now turning 60 next month. I think about it too because I have multipal medical conditions. I will say a prayer for you. When you start to worry, think about the current day, and what the moment is. Slow your life down if you can, so the time you do have you are awhere of. I read books when I am stressed out, and it brings me back to the current date. I get anxious too, and worried, but I try real hard to stay in the moment when I do feel good. I know when a person is sick or in pain, thoughts like that do happen. come back here for support. I am sure there are others who feel like that too. I will send good thoughts and prayers your way. ginnie

i know you must be miserable. I like a lot of people had the same thought as you around the age of 40. My husband and I were discussing building a new house and I remember thinking why, I am 40 and my life is half over for sure if not more. I am now almost 66. My health has detoriated and is pretty serious now. But I also know how much worse it could be.

My husband had a friend that once remarked about his parents, one had a stroke and just was there, that is all. The other had cancer. His remark was at least the cancer did not last forever like the stroke did by that parent.

I had to agree with him because I knew a woman that had a stroke, and lay useless, seemily not knowing a thing for over 10 years. Meanwhile her whole family distentergrated. Her husband died a long time before she did.

She was alive but not living. It is sad but if the fear of dying takes over, that is not living either. I agree with your statement, do you pray about this yourself? Something is needed but I am afraid I don't have the answer you are looking for. Wish for you and even myself, I did.

I am just fearful that a time may come for me that I may long for death maybe because of pain or depression, whatever, and it not come soon enough. I have seen people while my father was on the cancer ward and I wondered how they stood it, they looked so bad and hopeless, not enjoying what life they did have.

I hope to read sometime soon that you have found some answers that will help you. And then can share with others what helped. I now I have read somewhere you see someone, be really frank with them about this. That would be a good place to start I'd think. Good luck.

You need to understand something. I understand, some are so
ill, they *don't* want to be here, anymore. That, however,
isn't, me! This may sound ridiculous, but, even if I can *only* move
*one* finger, I *don't* want to die!! The only way, I wouldn't have a
problem with death is, if, I had something like, Alzhiemer's and didn't
know, it was coming. Also, I'm Atheist, so, praying, isn't my "thing".
Anyhow, I just had to respond to let you know, I really do understand
that some people are so ill, they may welcome death. However, as
long as, I have my mental faculties, I *can't*, *even*, *think*, about it!

Phyllis

well since i am not an ue][nbeliever there is not much i can say except that your thinkin g is stuck and doesn
t seem to be anything anyone has said to help you. ThewayI see it,toask for prayersand yet not believe is defeating the purpose.

Whatever, people wanted to send, as long, as, it was positive.
Doesn't matter, to me, what *they*, call it!

Phyllis

What ashame, you are missing out on the quality time you have; for what will happen some day; wasting each day. So very unfortunate.

Do you care or love anyone at this time? That would take the thoughts off yourself and find joy in others. Especially the wonderful feeling when you have been of help to someone or done some kind deed.

I am so very fortunate, I do believe in God and looking forward to the day I will be joined with Him. If anything, I am more concerned about having to wait too long. But - His Will -- Not Mine.

Caring and Sharing.

To answer your question, no, I'm not looking for a relationship.
I'm 44 and enjoy my freedom/ independence too much!!
Yes, you're right, it is, taking away my ability to enjoy today. But, it's
an anxiety, thing, which, just, doesn't want to stop

Phyllis

I was not referring to a relationship; but just caring about someone, anyone, to take your mind off yoursejf. Can't help but wonder if you really are enjoying your freedom as much as you say or is this part of your anxiety; being 44 with no one to care about. ( I am at a loss to understand the eyeroll/mad reasoning.)

The only suggestion left is to see a professional that could help you deal with your emotional, anxiety problems.

All anyone here can do is let you know that we care about one another's well-being and one another; but that's alll we can offer.

I love/ care about *plenty* of people!!
Not sure, how, that's supposed to help, though?? I mean, I can't
think about or be around them, 24/7???

Phyllis

True. Just thought it might help if you would not be thinking of yourself 24/7. There is really nothing to be confused about.

Have you given any thought to seeing a professional that is knowledgeable with your type of problems. ?