I've not been around here for awhile, been at "The OTHER" site...LoL!
Anyway...I'm seriously sinking into deep depression....I've got some serious health issues going on with me...
and seems I'm always upsetting other people. I've even lost cyber freinds recently over something dumb I did,
long story, I was trying to help someone else...anyway...too long a story.

I'm really having a very VERY hard time...began weeks before the holidays and
my health at same time getting much worse.
I just had recent RE-diagnosis of Polymyositis...ug...not fun,
but I dont have the muscle wasting part, just the weakness for now.
The Steroids/Prednisone I MUST take causes me emotional...
and OK, I'll admit, say it, mental issues, on top of having my mind race and all sorts of other issues.
My Rheumy tells me I need to take a higher dose of Prednisone...oh no!
I started taking just 2 milligrams more around the holidays...
just that tiny amount has caused me horrible issues (mind racing, thinking clearly etc) But....
If I don't take the steroids...I can't do much, so I must take it.

I often think of those who're in prison because they've done wrong...but I seem to be in my own prison...my bedroom!
At least those in prison don't have chronic pain and muscle weakness.
On top of all this...I'm having increasing balance issues...our house is a tri-level...
we have stairs everywhere! So must move, soon...
I've fallen a few times. So is becoming too dangerous to stay here.
2 months ago, I fell backwards when I carried large box down the stairs...missed 2 stairs.
I can't beleive I didin't break my neck it was such a bad fall onto tiled floor.
Moving will be very traumatic for me because I love our property and setting...
And moving is way too overwhelming for me...and will be very costly for us.

And...if things couldn't be worse...my dog, Satin is having serious health issues...she's been having a gagging issues...2 vets cannot figure out whats wrong, except to think its cancer in her throat.
But lately, since the holidays, its become much worse.
My husband said we need to put her to sleep soon...she's 14 years old, showing sighns of arthritis...
last nite she gagged all night. Each day seems to be worse for her...I dont want her to suffer and we can't spend a lot of money on an old dog who would only live few months longer anyway.
And spending thousands of dollars for this may not solve the problems.
I haven't slept much the last few weeks...pain, emotional "stuff" and this depression...and the thought of losing my best freind on earth! Is ubareable.
Seems I loose everything I love and care about.
I'm very sensitive to medications and I've tried every kind of depression medication there is and I always have some adverse reaction to it.
Zoloft seemed to be the best one for me, but just one week of taking a very low dose (25mg) I began having teeth clenching...it got so bad I thought I was having seizures with it. I still have a little clenching and I quit taking the Zoloft months ago.
Anyway...please pray for me...Feel everyone rejects me...even my own body is rejecting me....
and I think even God is rejecting me as well.
I know...I'm terribly narsisstic lately...I just can't help it...
the pain, emotional issues and being terribly rejected by family, "freinds"...
I just can't help thinking this way.
My not sleeping is causing more issues on top of all this, but I can't sleep thru my muscle and joint pain.
My pain meds don't help much now either as I've been on them for years...started taking them because a nerve got damaged during GallBladder surgery...feels like a knife in my side 24/7 for 5+ years now...pain managment was only option after 2 exploritory surgeries couldn't find what happened except damaged nerve in bile duct.
Thanks, CryTear (my initials are CRY...what an inigma, eh?!)