Throughout my life I have always been diligent, meticulous and industrious. I have had a very strong work ethic drummed into me since young as exampled by my parents and continued by myself and my siblings.

I have very rarely just 'sat and stared'....as that would be considered, being idle! I had to leave my part time job for health reasons nearly four years ago and don't see much prospect of returning. I feel a tiny bit guilty for not contributing financially now.

However since the advent of my current health issues - PN (peripheral neuropathy) which includes incredible fatigue and pain, I don't care a whole lot about achieving anything at all. In fact I have large proportions of time when I wish our 14 year old dog would die sooner rather than later; our son (aged 25) would leave home; and someone else would take primary care of my ageing mother. It's all too much of a hassle. I simply can't be bothered and I am resenting it all - mostly on most days.

The house is too much work, the ironing has piled up, the washing seems endless, cooking is way too much effort, the outside garden, paths and surrounds which I used to keep looking good are just plain hard work and often beyond me. I want to live in a tiny house/shack/shed/caravan where I don't have many possessions nor much to do. Just my husband and me!!

We know that in time all these factors (dog, son and mother) will change and we will be able to make decisions to downsize etc. but for the moment it is not the right time and I feel so trapped and frustrated by the lack of order and my ability to do a whole lot about it.

What probably makes it so hard is that I am ambivalent. I care, but I don't care about my environment now.