[tchr012]

Okay, at the risk of sounding like a crazy person I need to explain some things. I have been going through some really rough stuff lately and I think I am having some problems. I wanted to let you all know that the reason I wanted to make a new thread was because with all of our talk getting into suicide and everything I got so triggered! I apologize that I was not able to handle the thread and I was doing good until more things were brought up that I have also been through and have to be careful about (cutting,suicide,depression,eating disorders, etc.) so I freaked out and had to leave this thread. I am very embarrassed because I should not have done that because there was so much great info on this thread and it was stupid of me to get all upset about it. I do think that I am having a bad time with my depression again (since being on pain meds?) and it is so frustrating because I am on antidepressant and I am in counseling. I just hate these feelings and within the last couple weeks its gotten so bad I cannot do my school work and I also can't sleep. I even cried a bunch today and I just feel so bad about this because I should be happy and excited that I get to get my surgery (hopefully soon) but the truth is I am scared. I am so scared and nervous and it makes me feel stupid to admit it. I am trying to focus on "life after surgery" but lately it is getting harder to see that and I am just really scared that even with all of this and a new surgery what if I still do not make it as a teacher? I started this journey 3 years before my accident and now I am so different and things are different and I have had more health problems diagnosed since then....so I don't know I guess all of these feelings are just there. I have been trying to just keep it in and act like everything is all right but it is not and I feel like in a way I am failing as a new wife and a friend and everything else. Thank you everyone who is listening and I am so sorry that I was upset but I really REALLY appreciate you letting me get all of this out! Hope everyone has a great weekend BIG 'sTara

[Rrae]

Reading your post makes me think of ME in so many ways!
It was my daughter (age 23) who came to me saying she noticed some sort of 'cycle' going on with me........my emotions, pain flares....and I realized she was right! Throw our hormones into the mix of our meds and pain issues and it can be total upheaval, leaving us utterly confused and practically hating ourselves.!
It seems like a never-ending circle of madness.!!
AND it can affect males also!
When the word 'hormones' are mentioned, we usually think in terms of 'women problems'......yet hormones are important in MEN as well! Testosterone is depleted substantially by taking opioid medication and WOMEN need testosterone too! So, even tho hormones vary between men and women, we all NEED our hormones to function!

I think it's a good idea, Tara, to have these two different threads.!
Give yourself more credit! You are actually quite brilliant!

I think we've all bonded quite deeply at this point in which we can pretty much all relate. We'll share on all levels and on all threads.
This is similar to how it would be to talking with our doctors......it's important to address our mental frames of mind. It's important for us to share.
Yet, we certainly wouldn't want this subject 'pinned' on us as tho it were our complete identity.....
Your other thread centers more on our 'upswings'.....and this thread addresses the reality of the 'down times'.

Keep your faith in the forefront my precious friend. (i'm saying this for ME as well )...... I sometimes let fear and doubt take center stage.
I've always battled with a self esteem issue, but I'm getting better about that as I get older.
You WILL succeed as a teacher! If it's worth fighting for, then it's worthy of success! Your Faith keeps that communication line going between you and God. He won't let you down. We let ourselves down. But He will always pick us back up. You will get your heart's desire.
you WILL!

[tchr012]

I really really needed to hear that tonight! I am so glad that you said both my threads were useful, that makes me feel so much better! Yeah, I am not sure what has been going on with me I thought maybe the pain meds were making my depression worse but its possible it might be because my hormones are out of wack (I have to get my HRT fixed again). Thank you for the very kind and much needed response! take care!

Originally Posted by tchr012

I really really needed to hear that tonight! I am so glad that you said both my threads were useful, that makes me feel so much better! Yeah, I am not sure what has been going on with me I thought maybe the pain meds were making my depression worse but its possible it might be because my hormones are out of wack (I have to get my HRT fixed again). Thank you for the very kind and much needed response! take care!

[ginnie]

I hope that your new doctors and pain specialist will get you all the help you need. I changed doctors, and pain specialist. I am recovering from Fusion C3-7. It was the best thing I have ever done. This surgery worked for me, and I hope you get the same good results and can have a better quality of life. Change can be a really good thing ginnie

[tchr012]

Thank you Virginia for that reply! This will be my 3 rd stimulator surgery, and since it is the second revision I am finally going to have the paddle leads put in. I found great relief when I originally got the stim in 2008 so I am hoping to get that again! I did have to go through a bunch of doctor issues and I am feeling better (confident) that this will be the surgery that gives me back my life again Thank you for your care and concern! I am very glad to hear that you are doing better as well take care.

[ginnie]

I couldn't take the neurontin eithor, just a fog of missery. Now after surgery, I have been given another chance at life without meds. I have to get off morphine, ms contin after 6 years. Had to be cleared by my surgeon first, and start tomorrow with my PCP. Have eithor of you faced withdrawing from this kind of med. I am afraid for sure. I tried on my own with a step down approach, really ruff. Has anyone done it? ginnie

[ginnie]

I hope you feel better soon. I will pray the surgery gives you some relief. I was really scared about my surgery too. I did hurt for about three weeks, then it got better really fast. My depression lifted when the pain did. There are alot of people who will respond to you, in any mood you are in. There are going to be better days ahead of you ginnie

[Rrae]

Originally Posted by virginia neill

I couldn't take the neurontin eithor, just a fog of missery. Now after surgery, I have been given another chance at life without meds. I have to get off morphine, ms contin after 6 years. Had to be cleared by my surgeon first, and start tomorrow with my PCP. Have eithor of you faced withdrawing from this kind of med. I am afraid for sure. I tried on my own with a step down approach, really ruff. Has anyone done it? ginnie

Hi Ginnie,
Just take it slow and follow Doc's orders on the tapering.
I tapered off of the highest dose of Fentanyl patch and it wasn't as bad as I was fearing......however, I do still take Lortab, so I'm not med-free.....
Withdrawals can be a challenge - Mark's thread would be a good one to read thru, as it gives a journal play by play of his journey since he's received his SCS.
Just have good communication with your Doc and if it gets to be too much, TELL him......there are options to help counter the withdrawals......
Your body will probably bit a bit 'peeved' at you for awhile, but take it slow and you can adjust back to what you know to be 'normal'
.......I'm still on the path and trying to stay focused on this
Rae

Originally Posted by virginia neill

I hope you feel better soon. I will pray the surgery gives you some relief. I was really scared about my surgery too. I did hurt for about three weeks, then it got better really fast. My depression lifted when the pain did. There are alot of people who will respond to you, in any mood you are in. There are going to be better days ahead of you ginnie

Hi Ginnie

Nice to meet you. Im glad that you are feeling somewhat better. I too was on Neurontin and found it to be just awful. Im still on my pain meds as I still have pain. Will keep them for a while, until I meet with my rep/doc again soon

Jackie