I have not been around on the computer much because it hurts me to sit and type too long but wanted to give an update on things. I am still in pain and tomorrow I go and get my staples out. The back spasms are the worst especially because if I am off my med schedule they get bigger and bigger until I can hardly breathe. I have also been dealing with major depression since surgery and have been crying everyday and I was not expecting that and I am even on antidepressant so I thought that would have fixed it. I put pics up of my incisions and and stuff on my profile page and I also did that on my facebook because many of my friends were acting like this surgery was not a big deal when in fact it is major surgery. My teachers finally agreed to let me make up all my work next semester so that way I can really rest and heal and that was like an early birthday present for me I was very relieved because I worked very hard all semester up until the surgery. I have been staying at my mom's house and my grandma has been taking care of me, tonight I am going back to my house and then have my staples appointment in the morning. I am excited to see my kitty since its been over a week that I have been home. I am still hardly eating and when I try to eat I get very sick. I am on tons of meds too and my mom has to help me remember the schedule. I also have to sleep with the heating pad on my stomach because it constantly hurts and is messed up. I hate how when you have surgery it seems to make your normal health problems worse and act up I really need to go lay down now but just wanted to give a quick update. Still waiting to get my stim turned on and it probably won't happen until my follow up appoinment with him which is in a few weeks 4 or 5 but hopefully they will keep me on pain meds until it is turned on at least! I am thinking of all of you and hope that you are all doing okay. Take care 'sTara

Hi Tara

Its good to hear from you. Im sorry your still in pain but its a slow process and it is only a week. Once those staples come out Im sure you will feel so much better too. I know when I had my fusions done they were just awful. I felt as if I had been hit by a train it was soooo painful. SO I know exactly how you are feeling. Even after the stim was implanted it was bad enough and that was just the leads Please try to be patient with it all, I know its easier said than done.......


Im sure your kitty will be delighted to see you too......but I bet it was good to stay with your mom and gran and get well looked after

Depression is a pain at any time isnt it and you know its quite normal to be feeling so low, especially after major surgery. Keep taking those antidepressants and try to rest as much as you can. Pain wont help your depression and neither will tiredness.....I know you are anxious to get back to normality but its a waiting game. Once these initial weeks pass you will then have your stim on and we will be waiting with bated breath to see how you are getting on

Take care and talk soon again Tara

Jackie

Tara Ive just looked at your photos on NT and OMGyou must be in sooooooo much pain. Your scars look familiar to the ones I have when I had my spinal fusions done.....and those staplesarent they just the worst invention ever! Im hoping tomorrow will bring a brighter day for you and that this depression cloud will lift for you very very soon

I love Hello Kitty,......my favourite and BettyBoop too

Hurting a lot now is where it is going to be for a while. It will begin to subside. Those subtle moves will take less of a gasp from you. Give it time. STAY ON TOP OF THE DEPRESSION. I mean it!! It grabbed me and would not let go until I was in a desperate hole...... desperate. So you and Jerry be very careful about that one PLEASE.

Hugging you carefully from afar,
Prayers for you,
Mark56

Hi Tara

Sending you hugs and hoping that tomorrow will be a better day for you! i am thrilled that you got the college stuff sorted as I know that problem putting in all the work and having your grades dissappear and all your hard work go by. my first exam is 4 days after my second procedure so i still dont know whetheri can sit it yet but really dont want to repeat next year. I really hope you start to feel better real soon and will say a big prayer for you
xx j

I'm speechless after seeing those pics!! How can ANYbody think your surgery was 'no big deal' !! This is a HUGE deal!

Anybody would probably have depression to deal with after such a huge surgery as this, especially since you have to wait so long to get it turned on.
So, cut yourself some slack......
Things will look up for you as the day approaches to turn on your unit and by then the incision pain will be GONE!
AND you don't have the pressure of school! I was so concerned about you pushing yourself too hard!

Jerry is a wonderful support! We were so grateful that he got on here to give us the updates!

Please do whatever you can to stay above the depression! PLEASE!! I, too am one to know!!

Put an encouraging note up on your bathroom mirror, or somewhere you'll see it every day.....something to remind you how far you've come.....and what awaits you when your incisions heal.....things you are looking forward to.
This will keep the incentive going!
And maybe try watching things on TV......your favorite stuff....
For me, I have a stockpile of commedy that I watch when I sense depression settling in......I literally FEEED off it like medicine.

Put a couple of your favorite scriptures where you will see them......
Feed your mind with 'good' stuff....comedy, televised spiritual teaching, etc.
Try to sip on hot comforting chamomile tea and broth to keep nourished.

The days will ebb away and you'll soon be out the door to your new way of life!

You are such a treasure Tara!!
Rae

I just got my staples out today. It hurt way more than I thought it would and the nurse was not very gentle at all. This was my first time with staples and I do not like it! I know I had to have the out but at least its over. I have my follow up appt on Jan 7 and will get the stim turned on at the time. I am having a lot of spasms and pain today and just want to curl up in a ball and cry I will try to catch up on everyone's postings when I can but I am in so much pain right now I need to lay down. I hope you all have a great week and take care. I will write you all soon. Even if I am not on here as much I still think about you all and keep you in my thoughts and prayers! Thanks also for saying those nice things about my husband he is wonderful and I am very blessed to have him

Tara so good to hear from you again

Well at least those wretched staples are gone...not nice, no not nice!!!

But now its onwards and upwards....keep your spirits up like Rae said and do things that will keep you in a good place. This pain will subside and before you know it you will be a butt buzzer again too

Am thinking of you

Jackie

Hi everyone, I have been sleeping most the day because of the staples pain This is kind of off topic but I have some special news to share and I thought it would be appropriate! I have a reason to get better very quickly because....my mom has gotten me a puppy for Christmas/Birthday!!!! I have been so depressed with the surgery and me turning 30 and my two friends and cousins about to have a baby so now I get my own little one I have never had a puppy before but always wanted one and I frequently puppysit my mom and grandma's dogs a lot. Another reason mom is getting her for me is because I have to get a new home for my cat. She is very sweet but also big and hard for me to take care of and also she won't let me cuddle with her lol so we will probably give her to one of my good friends because she does not like other animals. I hope you guys aren't mad at me or think I am a horrible person for doing this, I posted about it on face book and already got some negative comments but everyone thinks this will really help me start my new life And my husband is very excited to and is baby proofing the apartment and the good thing is I cannot go to campus until summer so I get to be home with her all the time! I found out yesterday that I am going to get her on Christmas and get to take her home with me For the new people on here that don't know I cannot have children due to a hysterectomy 5 years ago and I also miscarried so the baby thing has been kinda hard for me. We definitely plan on adopting but way down the road after school is done and we have a house and everything so this little puppy will be our first step Well, I need to lay down again the spasms are really bad. Have a great night and I will talk to you all when I can 'sTara

Good news!!!! hard news..... Yes that back surgery is SO SO painful, and it will subside. They had to get in there and move muscle, bone and such, and THAT is what makes it spasm, hurt, and feel like you are pulling yourself apart. It will improve. I promise. Time..... give it time..... get up as you can and walk. I did, and did, and did, became so familiar with my floor those days after fusions. Similar pain, but yours was so invasive. I feel so for you, and pray for you and your little family. 'twill be interesting to learn what you name your puppy. I bet Rae has a name in her left pocket.

Praying for you all,
Mark56 gently across the miles