Focus on Blessings

Mark56 · 02-05-2012, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ginnie

Stretch your lower lip out as far as possilbe, then pull it over your head, that is childbirth. ginnie

If you were striving for a righteous clean humor Bill Cosby moment, I believe you hit a home run. I smiled really BIG for that one!! I could almost see a Gary Larson cartoon illustrating it SO WELL.

And no, I am not trifling with childbirth, just empathizing as one who has endured discogram. Eva said it well in her description. It is surely one to bring wells of tears to the most hearty!!!

No, my head was not draped, and my surgeon was trying to calm me, firmly instructing me to remain as still as possible as I lay face down on the OR table..... had to get clear images. Work accomplished. Ultimately God Granted me and angel in the person of my Neurosureon, Dr. M, and He is tops in my books for taking me on, even if it was too late for me and the damage was already permanent. I know without a doubt HE DID HIS LEVEL BEST TO HELP WHERE NO ONE ELSE WOULD GIVE TIME OF DAY. Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God. My neurosurgeon is assuredly a child of God.

How Blessed am I!!!
mark56 on my knees

eva5667faliure · 02-05-2012, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ginnie

I read your post with tears. I just wish they could have believed you had those tears without that test. To inflict pain to "see" pain just makes me upset. I have had childbirth, all natural in the day too. I would rather go through that a hundred times over, than have the test you and Eva and others had to endure. I think I would have said no to that test like I did the EMG. I am thanking God that I was spared, but so sad you were not. I am not brave Mark. Pain for me goes soul deep too,, and I have thought about the nearest bridge at times, and not for swimming. I don't want to be there again, and sometimes get scared because the condition of my spine is deteriorating. I don't want any more surgery on my spine no matter what happens. These degenerative diseases I have are not going to stop, and sometimes my fear takes over. That sure is one reason why I keep coming back here. Another joint has failed in my foot more so than my ankles now, and I have to have this joint replaced. I am feeling like the bionic woman. This joint failure is occuring in most of my body. This is basically what happened in my cervical spine. I do pray Mark, for you, for Eva, for those that suffer, and for myself. I do not know how to face the future as bravely as you and Eva seem to do. Most of the time I am shaking in my boots so to speak. I had to ask for more medication. I am dealing with several things at once, and I am overwhelmed. My pain specialist is not happy with me because I didn't put my joint surgery in the first priority, no, it is my throat, and dental issues that must be addressed. My swallowing abiliy is not good and I have to find out why. If I don't take care of my teeth I will loose them all. I have peradontal issues because I didn't go to a dentist for 8 years, I was too busy getting humpy dumpty put back together again. Medicare/medicaid leaves no money for dental issues. My son is working OT to pay for this on the weekends. So I am not in the greatest mood these days, no matter how strong I try to be. The dental office has granted me alot of mercy toward my bills, which is over 3 grand. Just where is a person on medicare suppose to get that much? I am not allowed to have that much in my possession at all according to their rules. My whole situation, gets the better of me. Then I come here, and it helps me to realize I am not alone, that people care. I am really afraid Mark and Eva. I also want to be good to others that hurt too. I just feel lost sometimes, in the middle of one thing after another, never a break.
I also didn't like it that some doctors held agaisnt you the fact that you were a lawyer. Where was their mercy? Did they think you were out to make money on them? The only place I find mercy and compassion it seems are with my friends , and a few of my doctors. I need to learn how to be stronger. I am of course venting, as I feel so stressed out today. I have three appts. this coming week I am not looking forward to. Thank you for listening. I sure do need all of your here. Praise God that this site exists. ginnie

my dear friend

it is a difficult road
ginnie
that water too sooth as you float
this place our head
you can hang on
you are strong
as i am weak
i just try to make
it real keep it real
follow through
you demonstrate a side
of oneself that is lax
in this world
genuine positive feel good
when your down
but i know it's your turn
one does get turned upside down
especially when least expected
a mutual comrade
was found dead
by his mom of all
all i keep thinking
david
i just saw you not long ago
at a mutual meeting
so not cool
this is where i am
so scared when the time
will come or at least
my doctors knew one of the
factors were less to zero meds
no luck
i will need to be hospitalized
my heart has been thru enough meds
along with my liver
you just let loose when need be
stress so all my doctors say
is doing a number on my body
so chill out
keep the faith
keep the faith
hold onto it tightly
keep it in your head and heart
talk about it
no holding back
don't give up my friend

ginnie · 02-05-2012, 05:17 PM

love you Eva, and this site. The people here help hold me up when I flounder around. thank you. We are sisters and brothers here. ginnie

Rrae · 02-06-2012, 10:55 PM

The lip over the head made me laugh......see, you still have a sense of humor about you and I truly believe this is the next best lifesaver, other than prayer.

But on the serious side, the entire medical field AND government agencies are VERY UNFAIR. Nothing is fair about this. We stand helpless and pray for God's provisions.....
I see so many things going on and people getting cheated out of their hardearned tax dollars that PAY these agencies just so we can 'barely' get by.
It makes me very sad, Ginnie.
it's heartbreaking....

Rae

Mark56 · 02-07-2012, 01:36 AM

By all who here post, in faith stepping out to recognize their blessings despite intractable pain, for the Ginnies, the Evas, the Raes, the Sineads, the Fionas, the Sandys, Brents, Pauls, Karens, Jennas, Taras, Poohs, names more than can be placed here though we all know who we are.... sufferers bound by blessings, and Jackies, so many more who know life is more than pain, although pain affects every moment. Thank you Lord for bringing us here to support one another, to acknowledge prayer is connection, it is help, it is worship turned outward for the sake of one another.

We are each blessed to be a blessing,
my cup filled to overflowing,
Mark56

P.S. and not to be forgetful about anyone, to quote a favorite priest who was a psychology professor- "And everyone, and everyone."

ginnie · 02-07-2012, 09:59 AM

You are so right about humor helping us. We need that alot here.
I too get sad over this whole medical system, as I am caught in this never ending web of confusion like alot of others. I even went to Canada in Protest, with a comsumer advocasy group in 2005. 50 hurting souls went with me on that train. I learned more about our health care system that I cared to know about. It puts people who have worked all their lives, into the poor house. Thats the bottom line. Too many have to struggle, just to eat and keep a roof over their heads, never mind the medical problems. I sure do pray Rrae, as do we all. I will never stop my prayers for the folks on this site. Have a good day Rrae, I hope all of us do. ginnie ps. I don't remember where I heard that bit of humor, but I never forgot it, pass it on!

eva5667faliure · 02-07-2012, 07:04 PM

lost it all again

wishing all a happy blessed day

Mark56 · 02-08-2012, 12:30 AM

Suffering of many sorts has been so deeply felt by each of you, I can only pray God is merciful in helping you both with these greatest of pains, the tortuous moments you each experience living hour by hour each day. Bills mounting, hard to make it through.... losing it again.... so I pray, asking He who is Supreme to intervene, helping you each according to your needs. Ginnie, visions of you contemplating a bridge bring recollections of my own horror inching closer and closer when I was at the deepest moments when my mind was so overcome after right after the withdrawal, it seemed I was lost in very deep darkness.

My wife recounts her greatest life epiphany thusly "God provides me a vision of holding a candle, for it is so very dark where I am. The candle is given to me because but for the candle I might be overcome by the darkness. By the light of the candle I can see some, but there is a sphere beyond which the light seems not to penetrate, this because God knows I can only handle knowledge of so much at any one time. With the candle I can take, and safely, one step at a time, knowing my footing is sure, for the light is enough, just enough. just enough." My darling wife has been given such wisdom through this epiphany. Hers, and I share it, because through it God speaks in soft tones to sooth each of us. We, too, carry such a candle. We know from the light that which we need to know and not something beyond which may be too much to handle. I am glad she has helped me to have a candle too.

For each of us, may we hold such a candle, knowing from its warm glow God is blessing us enough for this moment, this very moment. This is why I, sitting along in our Jeep on a lonely mountain road one day DID TURN THE CAR AROUND AND HEAD HOME, CHOOSING LIFE. Choosing life. God is good.

I pray you may realize God at your side holding you dearly because you are His beloved.

Praying,
Mark56

ginnie · 02-08-2012, 05:45 PM

I feel mercy right here Mark. That is why I come back time and time again. This is food for the soul when it hurts. There are alot of us Mark, that live with serious things. It is good we pray together. We are stronger every time we get together in conversation like this. I know I am safe here, and I know to go here when I get blue. You are in my prayers this very minute. I touch the screen and wish it to reach you. Have a good night Mark, say hi to your wife for me. My prayers extend to your whole family. Even if I don't write to each person every day, they are still with me in my thoughts. ginnie

eva5667faliure · 02-09-2012, 12:19 PM

my dear friends

it is not by mistake
your darling so dear
are you blessed my friend
so glad she has you near
that road side you speak of
a time you think
you can make it stop
tired of taking the pills
that keeps me somewhat
mobile the pills that too
sucking the life from one
the remembering of what
it was like yesterday a fog
and now down to the pain pump
something on the back burner
due to technical difficulties
cancer, their gone along with culprit

blessed for the doctor
putting me back somewhat
together again

just went and had my meeting
they hurt nothing i can't handle
lets not forget the meds i take
before the ability to get up and around

but i do

my blessings for the day

blessed am i with OCD
erring to the side of
neat and orderly

therefor i cannot
without a doubt
going thru some form
of depression

thank you mark

for turning around

she is your light
look at her love her
so much it hurts

blessed am i Lord
my family
you blessed me with
my little eva
oliver

blessed are we with children
bless those who endure the
only pain no words in the dictionary
a loss of innocence
remember them in Gods
land of beauty

blessed is anyone who
is
not judgmental

AMEN!

how does this all interconnected to pain you may ask?
I need to learn how i can trust in another
and not be burned
i really want to speak to my mother
that's where it all started
won't
hurts
till i can
thank you for
seeing what many don't

gennie a sweet being
seems so unfair
but it is what it is
your the best
don't change a thing
love your beautiful self
never let anyone attempt
a useless try
you know what your heart holds

i am blessed in ways i haven't
even experienced yet
that
all for a reason
as thy will be done
Amen

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