Thanks Koala for explaining this to me.

Getting the drugs right is SO frustrating .. it is to me, it must be to the Doctor who is treating me too.

I feel so low at the moment .. I've not had a spasm as bad as that for a good while. I'm usually able to tell when one is coming on and either get the valium/diazepam out, or get on the bed and rest and read. This one took me by surprise and I guess I felt sorry for myelf. I was so piddled off with Mike for walking off with the trolley too .. he does sometimes get so impatient at having to walk at my speed as he's always walked fast.
This just makes me feel a bit of a failure and a bit useless ..

Just the mood I'm in at the moment I think.

I guess I'm getting ready for Thursday and my pre op and the meeting with my new surgeon.

xxx and hugs

Feeling down and useless....
For the past 3 days I've been curled up in a ball feeling like this also. Well, I've been ill too, so I guess that's part of it.
I was just sharing this with a very good friend - the fact that I feel like I'm 'fading'......literally. I see my family and friends getting on fine and my kids are becoming more and more independent (which is good) and it's as tho I'm slowly fading out of the picture. It's a very empty, cold feeling with extreme sadness. Alot of us do struggle with depression and I think it's good to talk about....for me anyway. It somehow helps.
The strangest part about this feeling is, deep down, I think I 'want' to fade out. I get in these frames of mind where I'd just rather throw in the towel rather than continuing on and on and onnnnn every single day battling this pain nightmare that has consumed our lives.

It's like I wanna just get on over to the 'other' side, where there is no more suffering. Am I making any sense?
But then, a 'good' day will roll around and these feelings subside for awhile....and then it all starts all over again.

Sorry, didn't mean to get so 'deep'.....but just felt compelled to share, Karen, especially since we both know that feeling of being 'useless'.
I know this is not true, tho.....we ARE useful and needed and loved. We have a purpose here and there are people who really need us.

Being sick sure messed me up. Since I was sick to my stomach, I wasn't able to take my regular meds (head meds ) and boy, my mind really started playing games with me. That's when all these dark thoughts came along. It's been aweful.
But, by talking about it, like I did with my friend and asking for prayer, it helps alot. It's not a sign of weakness at all. It's proof that we all need this fellowship.

I hope you feel better soon and when Thursday rolls around, you'll start to feel like things are beginning to get sorted once and for all.

Caring as Always,
Rae

Sorry you are feeling so bad, saffy & Rrae. I wish I could cheer you both up or bake you a pie, or something! (I know a pie wouldn't help, but it's the first thing that popped into my head)

How about this:http://www.pamperedprimatesandk9s.com/store.php?cat=2? It's a web store for monkey, marmoset, lemur, and tamarin clothes.

Check out the photo album: http://www.pamperedprimatesandk9s.com/photos.php It's cute and weird...it's cweird!

Sorry if that didn't help either, but I had to try.

Saffy, I was someone who looked at your first post but didn't reply...to answer your question as to why, I didn't have an answer, but was hoping that I might learn something from someone else.

Bots make me think of creepy crawly little things..... Anyway Saffy, you are in my prayers, and there is NO BOT about that!

Yup,
No Bot,
Mark56

Hey Saffy, you are up to 221, bots and all. I am not a bot, I am for realz, so my presence was computer typed, not computer generated.

Prayers for ya,
Mark56

So sorry the days are so difficult right now. Sending positive thoughts to surround you.
Can you feel the love and prayers? You are always so positive and helpful to all of us.
Sandy

Hello my dear friends.

Well I had my pre op yesterday and saw my new surgeon who OK'd the laminectomy and paddle .. explained he would have to make a further and longer cut in my spine due to where he was placing it and would need to make the incision in my side bigger .. and also said I would feel like I'd been kicked by a horse. Seeing as I've never been kicked by a horse before, this should be interesting. He he.

He then said he would send me for a pre op .. I replied .. "Oooh .. that's lucky, I had one this morning" .. so he guesses that I should get the op quickly .. within a month or so.

I explained that after my discectomy in 2007 my big toe had gone numb, but now my whole left foot and coming up my calve was also numb .. he said that unfortunately, that wont go away, and is likely to get worse if it is moving up the leg.

I also explained that I am having far more back spasms than before and he said this may be due to weight placement .. i.e. my favouring my right side, which I do. He also said that the stimulator will do nothing to help these.

So .. how do I feel today? Well, despite waking several times in the night with pain .. and I have to be honest, I just reached for the pain killers each time I woke so lord knows how many hours were between doses, I am feeling chipper.

Went to get some new Christmas lights for our tree today and am feeling smiley.

Paid my respects at 11 am and thought of my Dad and all those fighting in wars, many of which are pointless.

Now sat with a cup of coffee and about to start hand making my christmas cards.

Love you all xx

Yes, this surgery is for real an event you will remember, but then being through discectomy before, you will know what to anticipate. Pain post op, handled by meds. BLAST will be important as well as Log Roll to arise from bed. Take baby steps to allow restoration of your strength and body control. Stay on top of the surgical pain, which will abate in a couple of weeks. Then, hopefully be blessed with the restorative effect of pain management through a paddle embellished SCS system.

Making Christmas cards? That sounds good and very nicely rewarding! Enjoy.

Soon..... soon, we pray your ordeal will have come to a better place for Saffy, a place known as real pain management. It works for me, and I pray it works for you.

Prayin,
Mark56zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

How special that will be! It seems nobody ever takes the time to do that anymore.....everything is electronic and cyber-induced.

So Glad to hear this progress is being made Karen.

Just going to toss a quick idea out there. I get leg spasms sometimes, and I can usually tell that they are going to happen a day or so in advance because the muscles clench up. If I eat a banana it helps bring my potassium back in line and I can usually avoid the cramps. Lisa