Eva Eva, your pain and anguish so hard to hear, tears flow as I ponder your pain and sorrow and I know I'm blessed to have met such a courageous soul. I hear you, I hear you loud and clear, an answer, something definitive to get on with, to be free to square your shoulders, look it in the eye and defy it, not deny it. Don't wait, you know your body, mind and soul, push those in the know for all that you can. God gave us breath to live, not sit idly by waiting for time to pass.

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Thank you for another day

Dear friend I have a hard time with this one
How to behave while I know it is lurking
inside of me
To be given a diagnosis of such findings
heck I don't even want to repeat the findings
is just to difficult to let it go
Go where it is branded in my brain
This is what I shall do
At my oncology appointment
I will ask the doctor there has got to be
a test to rule out such diagnosis
with all the test they have to be able
to rule such things positive or negative
This is certainly something I must ask
I do want to breath
To take a deep breath hurts
This is how badly it hurts
but know I have all joints kill
especially in the morning
To wake up I feel mummified
waiting for my fingers toes feet
Oh my goodness
to sit on the bowl to take a shower
everything I have to wear must be able to slip in it
No more buttons
Forget the hook and eye bras
I still have the fight in me
I just need to know
As I look into the eyes of my doctor
And let him tell me what's going on with me
Your replied do bring comfort to this scared woman
I rebuke any evil or evildoerers
Jesus my brother can you carry me for a bit
Things are so upside down
I believe in the Father Son and Holy Spirit
My family needs me
Your in my thoughts
I so pray we all have relief
Being bound by this isn't pleasant
I know you understand
I certainly understand
Thank you for raising me up
may I do the same for you

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day

took care of a few things
my strength is so challenged
and at the end of the day
i'm in zombie mode
so much has been robbed from me
all by my doctors
not taking the responsible
road
ego comes with the medical profession
not professionalism

God thank you for making me a strong woman
in every other way
i stand out
i am different
i do not sit by idly
waiting for something to
happen
i am being responsible
and my request is
reasonable
how embarrassed would i be
only you know sweet Brother

Mother how i respect what you
only as a mother in love with her children
must let them go
they are Gods children
first how can we deny your son
never going to happen
my granddaughter came to
doctors
upon coming home
taking the elevator up
exiting after a few stops
step out as she runs ahead
of me and repeating me saying
"thank you Lord"
"thank you Jesus"
over and over

and with that i say
thank you God
thank you Jesus
thank you Mother Mary
thank you all for letting me share

i Jesus i trust
Amen!

Dear Father
My Brother Jesus
Sweet Mother Mary

I thank you for another day

Thank you for the love you have
I to brush against your flannel
shirt
The smell of love in the air
Yellow daiseys as far as the eye
could see
The sky blue
The sun shines so brightly
my sunhat made of straw
let's the sun peek through
as the daiseys ending and the
sand begins
My feet reach the ocean
the soft waves wash away
my footprints as if I never
walked it
I can breath
I take air
my lungs filled
with fresh life
no pain
I can touch my toes
arch my back
from this place I feel safe
Never did I have the idea
this is all there is
the sun upon my naked body
My mind never touched
no sadness in my heart
my hands feel soft
no pain
I arch my back
my breasts still there
I touch my heart
and there is no beat
be this my dream
Forever
I am Free
I am home
No more PAIN
NO MORE TEARS
NO MORE FEAR
I'm home I can play
with my best friend
Eva

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Thank you for another day

I have over done it
Things need to get done
All members have their own
things to do
Will not lie
I feel more lonely as
each day goes by
Father help me find me
Where have I gone
Where am I going
Who would want to be with me
I can't entertain a simple walk
Life as it was with a job to go too
So many unwelcomed pain
How to heal a broken heart
This heart that has yet to be loved
Father I know you listen
I am your servant
In you I trust and love for I
know you breath the life into us all
I understand I am only in control of me
I type with so much pain
If it keeps go on like it is I don't know
what else to do
My doctors continue to fail me
I am tall walk tall find I cannot arch
my back at all
my body is slumping forward
My reconstructive doctor seen me
after two years
Nothing changed it is the same as it was two years
ago
why deny me the truth
my neurosurgeon would not look me
into my eyes
because the last time he did
he could not deny it
My pupils were visible to him
and brushed me off
to be told by the last two
orthosurgeons say no surgery
to many things going on
Father have I not made you proud
do I try and live as a decent human
to another
respect the word
teach my children as a responsible
parent
I have sinned as I have no respect
for the woman who birthed me
This I know does not please you
I will be kind and honest if she should call
You answer me as I can see the signs
I believe in your awesome power
and your love
Am I only to experience the love of
my children
On this place we call earth
So many to see in our daily lives
Was my illness to help others
or to bring me closer to you
You have my heart as it was given
to me by you
my unconditional love
to maybe one share with
another
am I the serpent worker
Never will evil take my life
mind soul
Angels are my protectors
as a mother failed her daughter
time and time again
my remorse runs so deep
to have no comprehension
as a mother myself who made the
decision never to marry again
for if my father can say and do what's
absoluty forbidden
How is it he commits suicide on top of his
sick ways I can forgive yet she lives kicks
her kids to the curb I long gone and take on a man
I believe she was working on her now ex-husband
she lives with and his four children who is
not my father
I was 17 when I left what was suppose to be a safe
ENVIRONMENT
for a man who watched my father beat me
and for that man George tell him "if I ever catch you
touching her I will kill you" I was eight ����
Father I understand so much more as you have
been my teacher
I will keep looking for your signs
as I have connected to the
Great I Am
I will continue to be true to you
my children
the ones I connected to as you make
this all possible
There are no accidents in life
I am connected to all not by chance
This I know without doubt
So I will do my best to honor
the Ten Commandments
and practice a better way of
dealing with my pain spiritual
physically and try to stay out of my OWN WAY
As thy will be do
on earth as it is in heaven
Amen
Love to all

Love and peace to you today Eva. The Jamaicans call the body and spirit together " I and I " Your spirit speaks loud and clearly. My "I and I" send love your way, with a host of angels to help you right now. I hope your pain goes away in your body and in your spirit. I don't know why God the father permits such pain to exist. If it is to teach, you already have learned. Your sins did not cause this Eva. I don't think God visits pain on us really Eva, it is the way of the world and I think all we can do is pray to be able to handle whatever comes our way. I am thinking about you right now. ginnie

Angel, i tried you on the phone
it was around 10:00 A.M.
trying to hold on
you are a grown woman
live life and most importantly
be yourself true to your heart
and remember one thing
give it time
as time is reveling
i love you and want nothing but
love and happiness forever
it's been a tough road for you also
time to be happy

Yes, I was out getting blood work done....fun fun fun....
I will be home stuck in the rain all day tomorrow. Do call, I want to hear from you. Sean has my car for tomorrow. Plan a quiet day.
Don't worry I will take my time with my new adventure. God does indeed reveal what he wants for us. love you Eva. ginnie

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day

it has been a long time
for my heart be like stone
the uncertainty of another
as i write on this forum i write
for the world to see
i am scared when there is
that possibility who it is i may
speak to of anyone on the computer
Father my gut speaks to me
this man who calls himself Robert Lopez
of e Harmony to meet a possible match
at this juncture of my life not able to be
out there in the world
those that i have had interest in
would either be blocked
or one i actually spoke with in the end
asking me to purchase a ticket for him
to come to the USA stopped immediately
how strange it be that Robert sound very familiar
Father guide me
why put something my way that might harm me
i am not desperate i have been a single mother
for a very good reason
you who knows all
would you allow that kind of harm come my way
you have given us free will
to do the right thing and come to you first
in everything
why am i so suspicious in this person
he sounds just like Ethan
and i told him
Father my gut tells me to be skeptical
Father would you allow harm to come my that way
am i not to share of my honest ways
and be so gullible at the same time
i have a heart of stone for being skeptical
for so long
i have not put my heart out in that way
my gut says no
i feel the coincidence of them having the
same accent in itself as i told him is uncanny
and i must go with my gut
help me see i am right

Father i will see a new doctor
with my last MRI results
three doctors not to suggest to a rule out test
how does one take such findings as mine
and just leave it be
my gut speaks to me
until then it is branded into my head my life
uncertain what the future holds

Father either way
i must act
not with my will
but because i have reason
why
why
my whole life a big long mess
to clean up before i die
to be remembered
hope to be remembered
tried her best at all she did

Father we are all special
and want to feel that way
yet i don't

this may be ridiculous to some
however i bring my concerns
for all to see
this has become my
live journal

all i speak of
true happenings
none made up
the real thing
as only YOU
Father guide me
in Jesus i trust

Be careful of anyone you meet. I follow this advice too Eva. Watch a persons actions, not just what they say. Anytime someone wants a ticket or money that is reason to be shy of getting involved. I don't know much about e-harmony, but I thought about trying that myself at one time.
Please let me know the results of what your doctors say. They must inform you of what is going on Eva.
Call me anytime. I hope today that your pain is less than yesterday. xxxginnie