My body is a mess of scars. There is so much scar tissue on my spine that my surgeon doesn't even know, till he opens me up, whether the paddle will fit ok.

On the left side of my once flat stomach (pre Stim) I have a large egg like lump which is scarring inside - it feels ugly.

The new stim will be put in on the other side .. oh hum, and the leads directed through the right side aswell.

When they finally got the stim giving me some relief, all I can say is, it was like someone giving my head a massage if I had a head ache. There was no miracle decrease of pain killers .. I still had pain putting my foot down .. albeit not as much and there is no feeling in my left foot so have to wear a brace, which is ugly, UGLY.

I'm beginning to think .. is it really worth putting myself through all that again to look ven uglier. (I don't like my husband seeing me so you can imagine where our sex life is ... nowhere)

This is no life..

My friend
don't give up your
faith
i pray he give you
the affection you
crave

with love

someone who cares

It is SO TRUE you are the one who must ultimately decide whether the surgery is worth the while. Certainly it is something you have put much much thought to for the sake of weighing the pros and cons.

Lets talk about the YOU your husband hopefully fell in love with and began the family you so lovingly shared with us via that video I saw the other night. You see, I am one who my wife married years ago partly because of the vanity and mostly, thank God, for the inner person I am. It is my inner person whom she came to crave as the person who would grow old with her more especially after the car wreck in which I was involved. She realized that wreck could have claimed my life, and she felt the more blessed such was not the outcome.

I no longer have dark hair, it is almost white. I am fatter than I was, in part due to the inactivity of my body duirng years and years of pain. Still she loves me. We used to be "that couple" on the dance floor, always dancing away because I had finally learned painstakingly how to dance because I knew she wanted to dance...... now, due to the neuropathy of my lower legs I can't feel the earth under my feet. The only step I can manage is the foxtrot, and yet she loves me. Inside, I am after all, me, the person she married. And I LOVE her the more, because I know I am blessed.

Please allow yourself to see your blessings regardless of an egg shaped scar which shows if you wear a bikini. I now have a neck scar which makes me look like the Frankenstein Monster due to the neck fusion two weeks ago. Kids look at it with GREAT BIG ROUND eyes. You have a brace on your foot, I must use a cane. We both have our challenges, and yet I know from seeing your video we Both have our Blessings.

You are a blessing to your husband. Talk with him about it. I will hazard a guess it might open new discussions for the both of you.

I respond this way because you put it out there, and I ache to read your words which take from your person. I know you to be a woman of love, a mother of care and love and pride, a wife who needs from her guy...... If I were your guy, I would be asking for us to talk.... My wife and I do it, and those discussions are the most enjoyable I have in life. Maybe, you may find that in the man of your life as well.

I certainly pray so,
Hoping you receive this in the spirit in which it is meant,
Your dear friend,
Mark56zzzzzzz

My beloved and I are marriage coaches and I couldn't have put that any better than you did, Mark.

Saffy, this is two married males that are assuring you that sitting down and discussing this with your husband, as openly as possible, is the right answer. Please do this as the alternative of "no intimacy" within the marriage can have disasterous consequences. I'm not saying he would ever cheat on you...but resentment can build and the marriage be damaged. Seek his heart for you...as Mark said, he married you because of his love for you. As we get older none of us are as 'beautiful' as when we met/married...that's part of the beauty of the deepining of love that God puts in our hearts for each other. One of the courses we took (as Instructors to teach other couples) is "Couple Communication" and the one thing that was impressed upon me early is every relationship we have with another human being is based on ... communication. No matter what else is going on if we have good communication it can be the basis of understanding and healing. When/if that breaks down the relationship is damaged.

I hope I'm not being too hard on you...I know you don't know me nor I you...but I heard a pleading, hurting heart in there and felt like I really needed to respond.

ditto
love who you are
love what you have accomplished
with the love you share a partner
for life
in GOD you trust
your video stole my
heart
the song bringing tears
sweetness out of innocence
love yourself
your beautiful inside
and certainly outside
GOD BLESS YOU AND FAMILY

Karen
I can't POSSIBLY say it any more beautifully than the others here have said, and with such HEART!
I just want to add a nice ((((HUG))))
because you deserve that and so much more.

You are beautiful and I wish you could see yourself through God's eyes......

Rae

Are you sure it is maybe you pulling away because you don't have your flat tummy, etc. and don't want him to see you like this?

I know where that comes from because I myself, since all this started 6 years ago; can't believe the shape of the person I am looking at in the mirror. It's like...."whose body is this"...can't be ....YIKES !!!, it's mine. But you know; it bothers me more than my husband. If I didn't tell him all the things that have changed and is wrong with my body, he probably wouldn't notice. In fact, he looks at me ...like..."what are you talking about". He really does not see what I see. For me; it is vanity, vanity. I do try to fix my hair and face up with a bit of blush, etc. and look good to him. You know how I know.....He tells me so. And, I know he means it.

Karen, we have to love ourselves first. Your husband will love that person because she is okay with herself. I am willing to bet, he would love the feel of your holding him and loving him. Give him and yourself a chance. You are still the woman he fell in love with; but don't forget to love yourself as well. Okay??????


Gerry)

You really hit the nail on the head, Gerry. Ladies tend to fret over their own appearance far more than a (Godly) husband does. When I said, "ABSOLUTELY" when the Pastor said the vows preceeded with, "Do you (my name) etc." I meant it. A Godly husband takes the command to love his wife unconditionally and and sacrificially, and prays to do exactly that every day of his life, God has a way of answering that in a really big way (talk about praying within the will of the Father. We have the power of the Godhead backing us up when we pray within His will like that). And that love transcends physical appearance. When my bride says negative things about how much 'older' or 'overweight' it really bothers me.

my sweet friend Jerry

a woman of wisdom
you are awesome
and much more

hope you are managing
feeling good
enjoy your week-end

that someone who cares