Bless you all xx

Well my daughter doesn't want to speak to me again. I told her she was being selfish not going to the doctor, to which she informed me here whole body has arthritis and she has to crawl.i said if you were that I'll you'd find a way to get to the doctors.

She has told my elder daughter she doesn't want me to speak to me again.

I love being a parent. We actually never intended to have children.. I wish I hadn't.

Not getting out of bed today as too depressed. Husband banging around downstairs, but alli want to do is sleep so keep topping up my diazepam each time I wake so I can drift off again.

I'm a useless mother who never should have had children.

Everyone would be better off if I were dead .. Even me. But I've not even got the guts to do that.

oh my..
 

and my friend

you are not alone in
thoughts of not wanting
to be around
as you i too
LOVE being a MOM
the hardest job EVER
been there able healthy
worked hard all my life
waitress over 10 years
full time nights as they
needed me in the day
oh and i could go on and on
i wanted to be a mommy
and do not regret it as now
my granddaughter needs me
can't go anywhere
oh the times i ask God let
me just not wake up
and take it back
i still have much to do
as you do you just
don't see it yet
your not done
with much LOVE
wishing
this to shall pass
just wish it quicker

someone who cares

Dear Saffy
 

It is so hard to see the light when you are in the deepest well. I have lived that, and I bring hope and love for you that you realize we see such beauty in you and your devotion to being a Mum and Spouse under VERY challenging circumstances. I pray and pray for you and yours that all will be well in every way.

M:hug: :grouphug: :smileypray: :Heart:

The thing is .. I know you shouldn't have favourites but Hollie has had loads from me. Moneywise .. I bought her a new laptop at Christmas and told her not to tell anyone. I spend £50 a month on shopping for her.

Then she sends me e mails saying she has arthiritis from her toes to her fingers and I am yelling at her to get to the Doctor because what she has can cause renal failure and MY doctor when I mentioned it to her said she should be having weekly urine, blood pressure and blood tests for kidney function. Yet I'm told to stop interfering and she told her sister she doesn't want to speak to me.

I'm a Mum .. worrying is my job. If I could only see her. This is the time I really miss not having a car and I am beginning to think of getting another just for these times.

I feel totally helpless, useless ... I couldn't give my husband attention this morning as all I could think of was Hollie.

I'm sorry .. I don't want to worry you all .. Of course I'm not selfish enough to take my own life, I am just crying out for help.

I have someone coming on Tuesday from the Mental Health Team to talk to me at home. My Doctor says I have a LOT of anger issues and am putting myself in danger .. ie. I walked with crutches to the bus stop as you know .. which would normally have taken 4 - 5 mins. I did this because I feel useless.

I gave up my car so that we could maybe have TWO holidays in the sun every year .. but trying to te Mike to take holiday from work is impossible .. so I might just aswell look for another car.

Love you all .. god bless ..

GOD BLESS
in return
i take any crying out
seriously my father
committed suicide
everything is taken to another
level until they bare physical
and understanding is cool i need
you to understand where i am coming from

someone who cares

Saffy,
I take diazapam daily. Have to be careful not to overdo. It makes one quite drowsy and uable to do much but lay down. Also, withdraway is a possibility as well.
Hubby needs you too.

You are a mother that needs to be needed. Your daughter is hurting so she is hurting back.
God love both of you,


Gerry

Dear Saffy
 

The very best thing written in your post along with your wilingness to cry out is to obtain help professionally. I know how very important such help is to the foundation of your being as you attempt to sort out the "stuff" of life.... so very very important.

Take heart in our belief you are a blessed lady, mum, spouse, friend to each of us and that we are alongside of you through this season of life. You have our love.

Absolutely, and along with a good portion of prayer:hug: :grouphug:

When I shine---you shine!!!
 

Saffy....This quote just rings in my head...it humbled me when I was at my deepest. May it lift your soul and light your spirit.
Johanna


Our Deepest Fear
by Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Beautifully Applied
 

Thank you for bringing this to us Johanna!:hug:

.. being called and please excuse my language .. A Effing useless twat this morning - and this is a regular occurence, by my husband just makes me reach for the sleeping pills so i can sleep the day away

I want everyone to know that IF I ever do commit suicide, then it it because I have suffered mental abuse by my husband for years.

He had an affair when our youngest was about 14 months old but it didnt count as an affair as he only met her to talk to her, spent his day off with her, held her hand and kissed her .. but didnt have sex ... so it doesnt count as an affair.

I on the other hand did have a physical affair about 11 years ago and my O/H is STILL going on about it and oh, guess who the first person he rang up to tell about it was? The woman he had NOT had an affair with but had obviously kept in touch with for 7 years.
It's ok though, that doesn't count .. they didn't have sex. Though I did wonder why he kept a bottle of mouthwash in the glove compartment of his car at the time.

So Many Things
 

So many things seem so wrong in this world
the difficulty admittedly is placing one foot in front of the other
making the day a good day when feelling NOT
I pray for you, my friend
I have hope however this works out
all things will ultimately be well for you
and if emotional harassment and distress
are mounting and seeming insurmountable
I pray ever more
that resolution will come to pass
not in the deep dark hole you mention
for it is such a final answer to an impermanent
situation
Love, Hugs, Hope, Prayer all for you:hug: :circlelove: :Heart:

Lost writing
 

dearest Saffy

there was so much i wanted to share with you
i lost it all so sorry
do not entertain the abyss
empower your womanly right
screw him and his mouth
i apologize
you can and you will not
take it
please not by popping a pill
for that i'll join you and then
to dingbats trying to deal
with the cards dealt no help
needed to make you feel any
worse than you already do
that is what happened with my
marriage
wasn't having it
and did a brave thing
and let him go and changed
the lock
i was 24 years old 3 babies
3 year old a 1 year old and a 3 1/2
month old did it no regrets
because tried counseling for a
year
he wanted to know if i was
going to be breast feeding
this baby too
i knew then he was jealous
but my babies came first
and lost my respect for him
empower yourself
talk it out
you are worth happiness
just like the rest of us
i praying for it
adding you too it

with loving care
tell me to mind my
business if you must

someone who cares

my wise friend
hits it right on
the head

praying for happiness

Saffy,

There must be enough still left between you and hubby. You have had enjoyable holidays, as well as enjoying each other. Taking something to make you unable to even get up is not good. That's not fair to either of you. The more you take to help you to sleep; the more addicted you will be, as well as useless to be able to do simple chores.

While the pain is something we are all dealing with the best we can; and yes, there are times many of us need to take some meds for the pain to get thru the day. Believe me I know how difficult things can be; but "push myself" I must, otherwise the less I do, the less I will be able to do in the future. Do as much of small chores as possible; as well as enjoying very simple meals and of course, deserts over a cup of coffee/tea. Those are the times hubby and myself have the nicest conversations.

Saffy; I'm praying for you. You are a strong willed woman. Counting on you.

Gerry

Such beautiful input....
 

.....from so many beautiful people who care....:grouphug:

Saffy, I understand so many things that you say and the frustrations of marriage and kids....Looking back, there have been SO many mountains to climb, some seemingly impossible to reach.
Our kids can seem so ungrateful at times. These tough times always have a way of smoothing out though.

Try hard to put in the forefront of your mind all of the good times you've shared and the fact that you have found your way down those mountains....
Getting through these rough patches can be the very thing that keeps you strong, as a person, as a couple, and as a family.

I believe in you and I've seen you rise above so many hard times.
You are loved by many,

Rae
:hug: