Love to you and thank you for all your support. Am going through a terrible patch at the moment.

Trying to get my head around the fact that I can't get the SCS that worked for me airliner this year.

My husband is mentally torturing me and I know I should tell him to sod off if he hates me so much and is only staying with me out of pity .. But I'm disabled, can't work, have no money and funnily enough, we still laugh together.

That life may
turn for the good
blessing you, our friend
far too long have you borne
the suffering heart which attends
pain beyond complete comprehension
SO
I
Pray
Mark56

Wishing I had the right words to say

Karen, just please don't shut yourself off and become isolated. That can create a very vulnerable and dangerous situation.

You've become like family here and we'll always be here for you if things become too much. Just know that you are a very important part of this forum. You've lived to tell the tale of just how frustrating it can be regarding the SCS. You've been through more than anybody should ever have to face, yet you've risen above each and every negative thing that has come your way.
You've shared so much of yourself with us, your heart, the pictures and video clips....you've let us into your world.

We'll always be here....
You'll always be in our prayers.....and
We'll always be caring.

Please keep the Faith,
Rae

Karen,

You are very important to all of us. God's beauty is in the pictures you have shared with us. You are a very "gifted" woman.

There is much caring behind the laughter you and hubby share.

Please remember, you are an inspiration to us as well.

Praying,

Gerry

Though I have not known you long, I have appreciated all your help and sweetness! I hope you continue to check in and I wish you well. I hope you and your husband enjoy your time and can get past the tough spots!

Much love! Keep in touch! <3

Saffy...we all can so relate to the depth of your despair in the above note to us. It takes my breath away I feel it so deeply.

You view it correctly....look what you said..."Am going through a terrible patch at the moment". We patch our lives back together creating the new "who am I"...our lives forever changed due to pain and injury. We move thru life now moment by moment as our bodies shift;heal;rest;not rest.

Just for right this moment let yourself beleive in yourself...just for this moment...you have been through terrible patches before...just for this moment trust you will make it through this one too...just for this moment know you are held in love and light..

We hold the faith for you dear friend,,,touch base with us when you can,,,Oh and laugh lots!!

Johanna*

Wisdom flies from your keystrokes as though winging rapidly to the eyes of those who need it most.
Thank you for sharing again!
mark56

Karen, I know how hard it can be when times get really rough and you feel like you just want to lock yourself away from the world, but that's when you need to surround yourself with people who care about you the most. You have many people here who care about you, and I hope you can see that. Hang in through the difficult times, because I promise things will get better, even if it doesn't seem like it now. Things are always at their worst just before they're going to get better, because the devil grabs a tighter hold when he knows he's about to LOSE. And you'll be able to look back one day and be proud of how strong you were now.

VERY beautifully said
That is the absolute truth.

The deceiver throws the hardest punch as a desperate last resort. Carry your FAITH through this.

Rae

The snow has gone .. and I know I could go out on Little Tootle today but I can't be bothered. I think to myself .. go on, you'll enjoy it .. but you know, it's cold .. and I'm here snug and warm with a good book. So I wont feel guilty and will stay at home.

Oh dear .. well, spent Tuesday night in Hospital as I had procedures starting at 8am. They a joy, believe me .. pride went out the door, aswell as my paper knickers .. and I wan't even asleep ! The shame !

I've had waterwork problems so I was sent to see a Urologist. He was very nice, but I think he's seen more of me than my husband has this last year. haha.

First text was .. do you really wanna know? If you don't .. click off this post.

I lay on a bed and they stuck a catheter where I pee pee, then to add to the humiliation then stuck something up my bum holey!

THEN they filled them both with water and kept asking me to cough. I kept doing little coughs because I was scared of umm .. shall we say, messing the bed.

THEN, if that wasn't enough, the buggers turned the bed up so I was stood upright ... and asked me to cough again .. (i know how men feel now).

I emptied my bladder and they x rayed me which showed I was emptying properly.

You thought that was it .. didn't you .. ??

Nope .. worse to come.

Two easy bits a scan of my kidneys and bladder.

I was gaggin and they wouldn't let me drink.

Final thing was he put a cameral up my pee pee holey and had a good nose around my bladder for growths ... he was so excited he even showed me. (Oh, so i know what my bladder looks like inside zippy do!)

aLL IN ALL .. the good news is, no growths anywhere ... and I just have an over active bladder, for which he is going to try me on some pills.

The thing is, after that last proedure, sheesh, I felt like I had to worst case of cystitis ever for at least two house. Not nice.

I spent yesterday sleeping on and off because of the pain it caused in my back and I guess, the shock ! I did know what I was going in for, but it's a wee bit different when you're lay on a table with your lady bits on show.

So .. this morning I get a letter to see. Rob Atcheson and Donna, Rob is my pain specialist and anesthetist .. this is for Monday. Another letter too, asking me to go see my SURGEON in March. Surely this means they are planning another operation of some sort?

They would tell me at the first appointment on Monday if it wren't surely?

I'm all bubbly inside.

OOh I have another appointment on 12th Feb with a knee specialist as the cartlidge is hurtin in my knee and I don't have much movement.

Apart from that, I'm ok. So, so tired all the time. Wish I wasn't.

Love to all x