it is getting
really hurts
will call doc
this is without my
car it sucks

i am so bloody angry
i don't know where to put it
i am dying
it is finally happening
it will be slow and painful with my luck
never in a million years
did i ever think
what ever happened for the chance to love
the thought of it sickens me
my infected neck second surgery
everything just progressed quickly
i' dying
go figure

Eva, I'm just so overwhelmed for you. I pray for you, pray however long or short your time is left in this life, that you find companionship, peace and above all happiness. This life has dealt you cards of the hardest order. It's not fair, not fair at all.

Well, and PRAYING....this news is off the scope. I do what I am capable of doing, and that is just loving and hugging and praying in hope. Hope for what? Hope. Through Hope I am able to focus on the present awful thing and take tiny steps into that unknown future. Thus, I Hope.

and....

Pray.

funny thing
my sister has a friend
her name is Linda
was diagnosed with
ductal carcinoma
my fear when i found out
was the upsetting
and it wasn't the removal
of both my breasts
i was worried that because
it found it's way into my blood
as i know we need healthy blood
feeding our body
"healthy oxygenated blood"
the fact is it is found upon
this MRI ordered by my pain
specialist who is sending me
to "his guy"
Chief of his group
Dr. Marc Arginteanu,M.D., F.A.C.S
of the METROPOLITAN NEUROSURGERY ASSOCIATES,P.A.

it is just by fluke that i get report jut before my oncologist
appointment
oh Dear God i pray the findings
are a fluke also
i have many questions i need to ask my
my dear friend from my surgeons office
became friends
called her this morning explained some things to her
she will call tonight on word or reaction
when he received package of hardware i used
to promote bone fusion
the device is called a "bone simulator"
i am trying to keep my turd together
until i see the doctor today at 1:30
i viewed the disc
i can see the hemagioma (spelling incorrect)
to tired to get paperwork
and i see the three vertebrates i bet are the ones
in question
they look like the have been chipped away
by "pac man" a little joke ha ha
i asked God for a miracle
it is a big one but nothing is big
all i was told to do is ask

when i tried to kill myself as a young teenager
i ran to my box room
bed and dresser with mirror
closet when made that clothes hung
opposite of how we do it know
point eva
took my Bible
said to God
show me
closed my eyes
pointer finger to point
opened book
it was
Psalms 6
verse 6
read all of Psalm
and knew there is a God
a long time ago
as i grew older and older
i became more in tune with the signs
that God the Father does show me
exactly what is meant for only me
as i speak in confidence only to him
and i have received confirmation
i am being listened to
so i will be on pins and needles
going to try my specialist in about an hour
he ordered the test

i thank everyone who understands my
eagerness over the weekend
needed my kids close to me
will bring update and then
return and explain what the oncologist
has to say
in Jesus i trust
amen

Dear Eva,
I am gob smacked...just praying for you
HB

oh how happy?
lets wait till orthosurgeon
sees disk
and his findings
said the radiologist reading
and their impression is not to be
worked up about
that he goes by his blood work
so that is what i'll do
even though it says i have
bone infection and bone cancer
this it says
Mark i will ride your train for a while
if you don't mind
i see the new surgeon on the 24th
i am a blankly blank ****** off
this is my body my life we are
messing with
i had enough crap happen the night
i woke up to get ready for work
and my life changed from that night
to date
i don't know what to believe anymore
something is not right this is for sure
and i am scared
how could the radiologist make such
a horrible finding or term
my oncologist said lets wait for
the blood work and what the doctor
has to say
and then in the mean time
he seen the implants
and said the surgeon needs to fix
the left balloon it has migrated further
since he seen it
i told him
i did that already
he said they were fine
i said
that's what i said
what the **ck
can't anything go right
when it comes to me
turd

We all will be praying for you..Keep your heart and head on God..He knows what you can bare..

You, Eva, are held up high so the stars are clearly visible to you in all ways,
and prayer bathes you in the ever present hope for brightness tomorrow
and that test results will be better in outcome.

Prayin mightily,
M56

Amen i will
thank you for the support and care