i'm here
 

just to upset
me

Don't Implode
 

Eva,
First of all what great pics of the family!!

Now....since you asked.

Your daughters priority is the baby daddy. Is he paying child support...does he have court ordered visitation? Time to tighten the vice on him with a smile on your face. He should not be at your door unless all his responsibilities to that child are in order....or he is making every attempt to do so. The same for your daughter.
You are going to have to be diabolical and that is needed now....be firm/nice ...explain later.
No...your daughter cannot move home. You don't need that drama...your daughter wants to come home because it is easier for the baby daddy to manipulator her when she is there ....HE wants her home.....because he is already manipulating you. OMG...EVA think what if she gets pregnant again???
How much of her money is she giving him...Is he isolating her...restricting her friends...how much older is he than her?

I do not feel that you will be effective in any change for your daughter until she can think and make decisions with out his influence. That job will be her lifeline for social and financial independence...praise....praise....praise her.
There will be another waitress that will give her a yank about life...that is a good thing.

The baby....just keep her behind the scenes....keep your voice light and full of love....smile....know love always prevails.

We are tons alike Eva....

sending Love and Light
HB

dear friend

a dear friend who has wonderful questions
all the ones i would be asking
yes he is court ordered to pay child support
and yes it is to be given to me for her needs
i have never asked for it as the bout
happened and because i can edit this is what just went down

because he through her out
the only place left for her
or as my eldest tells me
she slept in the laundry mat
something i didn't need to know
but nonetheless
now i tell mommy
how can you have slept in the
laundry room
she said she didn't
i didn't even bother where this all started
so she slept here last night
on the couch
baby slept late
but when she got up she went to lay with
her for a half hour
Corissa stays in my room
my sister forgot to come
my blood was to be drawn
it will now be done Thursday
what am i gonna do
out of my control

and yes you have him pegged
i make him be a father like it or not
he is very happy that she is here
you heard me right
on the couch as we speak
there to remind her it is not permanent
the room is given back to Corissa and Eva
she is not to be mistaken
all monies she is making best be for an apartment
maybe throw in there a few meetings
get her turd together so she can be a mother to Eva
this is a struggle
i know addiction very well
i a recovering alcoholic 22 years
understand it very well
hence my anger having to be a physically
physician induced addict
just robbed me on a different level
over it
this is why i still go to my home
group meeting on Sundays
something she still needs to do
the newest bull turd she walks
and here goes
in my room with how and her
"baby donkey of a father" are
going to put her in daycare and
how she will be picking her up
Judges orders she cannot be left
alone with the baby
all her doing
so after Sunday's meeting
i came out of there and said
f it
i'm taking me Corissa and baby
down the shore
Saraeve planned on cooking for us
nope
i wanted to go to the shore
and do something I wanted
so she comes also
the whole ride down there
Christine Eva's mommy
saying
this was a trick on my part
that i always wanted the responsibility
of Eva
that's darn true
when it comes to a stranger over
her family
and the Judge choose me
operative words my daughter doesn't yet
"Judge choose me"
period thank God
i call the shots now
of course never wanting this responsibility
i am suppose to be mimma
not mommy
to Christine i used trickery
so i have decided she cannot stay here
permanently
and until she does what the Judge
sees to it otherwise
i call the shots
today i will ask about the child support

he does not want her there as he still lives with mommy
this is where she has been

and when here is disrespectful
slamming doors
thinking its okay to tell me what she is going to do
in my home and life
even if she means some good out of it
that never happens this she has the opportunity
over and over and over by the Judge
DYFS closed the case concerning my daughter
because she never completed a program
and because i could be the custodial person
she stays in this family
i am comfortable knowing i can call Eva's lawyer
anytime i needed her when it comes to Eva
that's all that matters
Christine
as always materialistic with Eva especially with the sneakers

shes knocking on my door now
taking some of your suggestions
here goes

we are in a bout right now will return

and it was of-course not good
asking her about the child support was a
huge issue
she was nasty
and i told her she is confusing her
and i want it calm at all times
so i come in my room with Eva and
her Lego blocks and start
to explain to her in a
kindly way how mommy has to behave
when in mimma's home
and speak softly and gentle
and tell her
"she with mom are going to the park
with sidewalk chalk"
and mommy can go and have fun with her
she understood
Corissa is overseeing them as Corissa has her girlfriend
come over i was able to speak with her also
so for now mommy is doing laundry and will be getting ready
to go to work
it makes me so unhappy but i have to do this
she doesn't see it yet
it will only be then if ever
will she gets it
they haven't returned yet
hope she didn't say things to confuse her

and thank you so much for your input
i am on the right track
you helped confirm it
blessings you sent
love
me

You are on the right track and don't be unhappy.
It is so hard to tough love and then you don't see the results for years.....sucks! That is what makes the "unhappy" feeling.

I does work so you go girl.

I almost took my reply down twice.....you were open to the love it was sent on....you are amazing!!!

And now about you....on to Thurs....

deep breath my friend...we are right here with ya.

Love and Light

Hannah

FYI: I am 26 months into tough love re parenting my 43 year old son. He spent 12 years in prison between the ages of 25-40. Non Violent...stupid. His true turn around came just the first of this year when he was able to secure full time employment. We both did the work. It has made a wonderful change in our relationship.

Thank you for sharing
 

From the depth of my being
Thank you so much for caring
You understand
and gave me awesome advice
May the love of your child
be amazing
You have been there

I'm not joking
 

I can now talk about yesterday
Went to the parking authority
to meet with the Director Alicia
about a dispute over a meter aid
issuing my daughter a ticket while out
of my car
I was at a fire hydrant in my car
engine running
One of the two meter men said it was fine
another came and wanted me out of the way
No parking available
I tell my daughter ill look for parking
while she gets his info
After I left
The turd issued my daughter a ticket
Upon our meeting with the Director
I had parked my car in a parking lot
Backed the car in so I have always done
I will have you know

THERE WAS A TICKET ON MY CAR
IMPROPER PARKING
STILL WITH A HOUR AND A HALF LEFT
ON THE METER

Dear Father
Everything was exactly in your plan
What was my lesson here
Zippo
This is how a town makes money
O how I was in prayer
I could not wait to come home
A $39.00 ticket
I shall look this up today and see if
such law is legal
Done

big mistake
 

i went looking for it

i do not entertain facebook
was interested how my son was doing
blaming me for e v e r y t h i n g in his entire
he just posted something scientifically
proven to be exposed to severe stress
inflicted on a young child has damaging
effect

i make no excuses what an overbearing alcoholic
single divorced mother who brought on so much hatred
and i hope he is getting help for any pain i inflicted

my son has a complete backwards understanding
why i had no permanent relationship with any man
and that i hate men

my sessions with my therapist has my side of the reality
to my very CONSCIOUS DECISION NOT AGAIN NOT to become
involved with no other until my children were grown
raising them was not by far easy
only Michael cannot dump all his problems on my lap
i own up to my drinking that i'm sure embarrassed them
on a few occasions
point
i cannot say i am sorry for his unhappy ways
as i have been a open book
i tell my children
"if i did 50% better than my parents did i made a change
or attempted to even in that state
and when i became sober he couldn't pull his crap
holding him responsible for certain chores
point damage already done
even in that short of time
it progressed
point so i go looking
not even looking into the scientific finding
but i do remembering him posting
"another reason to point a finger at my mother"
well that cut me up

the truth of the matter
i had a problem with a father who violated me as a little girl
till i left when at seventeen
my mother knew as i happened to my sister also
but the thing is
i leave at seventeen married for all the wrong reasons
what did i know about the world
so promises promises until i had my third child
a husband was reverting to old bad habits drinking and drugs
i sanely divorced him
and the crappy thing is he always had visitation rights i
encouraged
my ex lost sight of his three young children as his obsession with "if i can't have you, no one will went on for about five or six years the moment we separated was the moment i became
empowered
i wasn't going to fall apart
he never paid child support
this all documented i needed for them
never to do as my son is attempting to punish for his
unhappy life

if i couldn't trust the first man a little girl falls in love with
is suppose to be her daddy
that didn't happen in my case
with unusual dysfunctional dynamics to our family

if i couldn't trust my ex to be a father to them

then what doesn't my son understand
i knew i was a hot mess especially during
my ovulation time
that is only recognized today as a disease

look he knows he's a big boy
irresponsible in many ways
so bright
so beautiful
so much loved and wish he wasn't suffering

i will not stand up and remind my son
i did the best i did
i never changed my phone number to this day
specifically so he couldn't say he could not contact them

and that's what infuriates me
i NEVER hid ANYTHING from my children
and not to throw some of this mommy hurt me
pick yourself up and live your life as you see fit
to say having an absent parent his father
and think that hasn't played a role
he never took me to court is my response to him
when he says i never allowed him visitation
had them ready every Sunday one day a short lived
arrangement Sunday 8:00 A.M. to 8:00 P.M.
again short lived never called to find out why
had them ready the following Sunday again a no show
he was living with mommy and daddy

i think you all get the picture

my boy
i recognized at an early age
an introverted little boy
took him to a therapist
did several specific tests
to help the doctor in reaching his milestones
i always knew Michael had difficulties
hence his close relationship with his oldest sister
and me being single
by choice
it was okay to take and take and take over the years

"another reason to point a finger at my mother"

really

me

and now my sixteen year old
 

oh i do not think so
just in the last two days
my daughter Corissa has had her girlfriend over the house
yesterday and Corissa had chores 2 loads of laundry
a load of towels from the pool ready for tomorrow
and asked her both days when her girlfriend to do the loads
the second load was bed sheets pillowcases and such

now between Christine and Corissas behavior
as i dare come out of my room

to give Christine the time for mom and baby to continue bond-ship
that out the window
she has turned into such a cruel spirited
mother
said in anger
"i don't want to be a mother"
"it"s too much work"
anger no anger
somethings just should not be said
and that was one of them

Corissa on the other hand
decided not to come home
after sending her to the store for

milk
eggs
turkey
cheese
rolls
bag of ice
that was three and a half hours ago
i contacted her girlfriend
knowing that's where she went
not only won't Corissa answer my calls or texts
but her girlfriend someone who i spoke to openly
still yet to hear from her parents

Corissa is NOT in school anymore
at sixteen she now says her life is over
going this route certainly changed everything
her GED TO FOLLOW
i only pray
i don't get it
what do the youth of today
put out into the world
and now Corissa in an adult world
still a child
hoped she would understand
she did not have to have sex yet
and that sex and people to have it with will always
be in her life
so many things pushed into
and thinking it's okay
it wasn't okay not to be in class because she
wants to hang out
why oh why is it like this
what happened to parent and child
why is it i have to accept everything they want

all happens in due time

why is she obsessed with this girlfriend
who her parents only just found confirmation
she is gay

now being upset with Corissa
knowing she has taken this argument
and using it to get what she wants
seeing her girlfriend
her family is going to the Dominic Republic
and what she'll come walking up to the door
and say i'm sorry

there is way too much for me to swallow
i don't know where to shove this

my brain is fried
i am a floor mat to them
and i'm sick of it
what else is left if you
don't have family
crying my heart out
a little hurt from all of them
me

Not home yet
She's not home yet
Me

Now it's Eva's mother
 

My daughter Christine is down out rude
She needs to get on the ball and get insurance
for Eva
Goodness if anything should happen that requires a hospital
and until either one of them get insurance the doctor would be
taken care of

She again accuses me of wanting her to get out
Not that she will not behave and do her part be a
mommy get sober get the baby back live life
What more must I do it is so hard to not say what
I want to because I know it wouldn't help
It sucks lemons
She is so mean
So mean
Me