"atherosclerotic calcification" found in my abdomen
a direct result of the mutation

my point

so many things interconnected
in my case
so much more sense about my body

i cannot believe how the puzzle is clearer

The reason I have diverticulitis is directly connected to the mutation
This mutation affects women trying to become pregnant
There is a extreme high rate of miscarriage
This mutation is prevalent
I am just in awe of the findings
So many things are connecting
Making sense to me
I understand the terminology
As research was done on previous findings

So here goes
I vented about my pain specialist
Well yesterday as I continue to do homework
found in my medical file
I had an MRI ordered by pain specialist
Granted it was to look at the spine and what the surgeon did
What do I find

In that specific report i found back in 2009

Why if I just a nobody
Who knows nothing about the medical world or its termology or its technology
Have come to learn an aweful much
Wouldn't you agree

Spina bifida
Autism
Dementia
Depression
All can be related to MTHFR
To prevent spina bifida one needs both active folate (not colic acid) and methyl cobalamin
Folate and B12 deficiencies BOTH PLAY A ROLE IN "NEURAL TUBE DEFECTS
THERE IS A PERSON WHO BECAUSE OF THIS MUTATION
HAS BEEN BORN WITH THE FOLLOWING
*
TONGUE TIE
THYROGLOSSAL DUCT CYST (this I have)
MISSHPPEN MIATRAL VALVE

*ALL NEURAL "TUBE" DEFECT

IS IT ME
or is my built up anger at the overlooking of my body
AND what's wrong with it

Now when I find another cardiologist I will request that the doctor check my valves

I did have a groin catheter done back in early nineties
To check the hearts functions arteries and such
As I was heavy weighted in the chest area
And had a necular stress test
I think that test would have seen something
Homework still to be done

Having this mutation can cause reasons for me to be concerned
Including the red flag on the D DIMER TEST

Anybody get my frustration

My
D DIMER flagged why
When reading the factors
They apply to ME
I just do not get the doctors
How can they not be in contact with one another
They are all taking care of my body
Would they not have a conference
Let me just throw in the equation
I MAKE SURE ALL OF THEM HAVE THE SAME INFORMATION
HONESTLY IS THERE NO SENSE IN WHAT I HAVE EXPRESSED
HOW CAN THEY JUST OVERLOOK
e v e r y t h i n g that test show
Really
Really
Me

My mother had difficulties becoming pregnant
My eldest an epileptic (occipital LOBE)
My youngest was born with two tubes
the tubes from the kidney and bladder on her right side that took half her kidney
My son problems with his heart and diverticulitis like me his mother
ALL EMENITAING IN THE "TUBES"

Anybody
Please
Anybody
Me

I don't want to hijack a thread; BUT does anyone know what's happened to Gerry715 she used to post regularly but went quiet last year. I know she had a diagnosis of some sort back in August and potentially needed surgery but have heard or seen nothing since. Is she ok?

The hardest thing I ever had to do was
basically had to become
Selfish
Never in my life had I had to step away from my children
I have come to finally see I am their crutch having them come to me for help as they find and stupid me couldn't see I was being used
This very disturbing truth hurts to the core
When my children began life in the world and tried flying the coup
Some never really able to spread their wings
I look at my son and wonder if he will ever get it
A brilliant young man with the manic and depressive pain as I am certain his brain is chemically screwed deemed bipolar
How is it he to has to have someone in his life nomatter what the case may be
His wings never really were able to open compleatly
His family us he is asstranged from
The sad thing is Corissa really needed a big brother
only at the time he left he got into hardcore drugs big time
in the very end popping his skin with dope
Clean from herion for some three years but replaced it with
excessive drinking
Actually it does not take much for him to begin feeling the affects of ALCOHOL
He is with his partner who is forbidden to contact me
My son so much like my mother
Never once has he had a chance to find out what life is like taking care of oneself
From a rent bill to a car doctors co-pays and everything inbetween
I have given him so much on a financial level and to be screwed out of it just blows me away
Money the root of all evil
The leather couch he sits on i paid off
i allowing him the use of my credit card
now no longer available cut up
Giving him three thousand to pay bills in advance
"So" he could go into long term rehab
All
Lies

My eldest someone I had in my life until her very last surgery
Who married her high school sweetheart
I was not there to witness it
Took him in as my son
His mom and I rarely see each other
A wonderfulf woman
A kept woman
Both Dominican
If you know what I mean
It's a cultural thing
Such as my culture
Remarried her alcoholic husband
His mother stopped cooking because he was at our home constantly
Back then when I had a house to have a large dining area
My dining room table over 100 inches long solid oak table all for family gathering
A rarity
She stayed home the longest
As was the hardest to let go of
She was prepared
I never felt her husband is or ever will be upstanding kind of guy
He loves my daughter so much more then she him
And I as a mommy would so much rather my child grown not have to have anybody in her life to define her
This she thanks me for
Yet
Asstranged we are
Finally not living in the in-laws apartment with our family dog for the last two years
Just found a apartment after becoming serious about not being a deadbeat and live off my daughters disibility
Now stable at a job
A computer wiz
And because she finally put her foot down
She my eldest
My poet
is living her bliss
Something I said never give up on
And recognized as a "known" poet
In my back yard and performs in the BIG CITY
Happy I am for her to have given her my all
I always at her side
Through all the surgeries
Because that is what I do
I was "it" all
Slept in a chair ninteen days with her
And twenty five days with my youngest
Lost my job over that period
Corissa had two kidney surgeries

Now
All this estrangement
over money
Also because of impact it did to my finances
Put myself in a very difficult position

has severed her ties with me not returning the money given to help
Depleted me of everything
All my fault

Blown away she would do that because I have taken steps to file
and her husband take advantage of that and felt he did not have make payment
And stole three new laptops on my Dell bill
Yes I was asked by him
Stupid I was
With my mistake of it not in writing so I could hold both accountable they responsible for wreaking my finances
Again money
Root of all evil
But true

My granddaughters mother
Still not stable
I become responsible for Eva as mom is
living with my grandchilds father
God my assessment is on the money
Not well
Is living with the other grandmother while her son has her living in fear
Busted so many times for selling drugs
This is who my third child is living with
Her addiction her drug of choice has fried her brain
She is NOT the same person pre-drugs
Now her addiction still strong and alive
She has been to hell was there for a long time
Only to emerge broken spit out into the cruel cold world
She is trying so had to clean up her act

What drives me nuts
I have my grandchild and my youngest who still lives with me
and said she would help take care of me
I have given up my social love life that never had a chance as I had my children to raise and protect
Even from their other parent who never reached out for them ever

When I divorced two things always remained the same
My home phone number or where we lived
As their fathers my marriage I had three children with
And my AA recovery baby soon to be eighteen

Both my children's other parent were and I never argued the order of visitation

This is when I can now painfully let them go

Why are you dumping on the only person you guys could
ALWAY COUNT ON FOR ANYTHING
ANYTHING
I can now tell them painfully
Please someone please tell me which one of your fathers faught for you because I would
And the
Not a word
Why haven't they called
They had the number
It NEVER CHANGED
still remains the same
No answer

Point
The hardest thing I ever had to do was not picking up the phone
for them
My kids
Not let them hurt me
The one who never abandoned them
Be the one to suffer sadness

I have to be selfish and move on with my life
As theirs did not stop for one moment in time
To have someone in their lives
May it be healthy or not
Never did I ask them for anything
But be happy in what you do

I just figured they can see the huge limitation I have in my life now being ill as I am
This is no faking it
This is real as real can ever get
What happens to my hands and feet
My youngest who is the only one left
To visually see the veins swell before ones eyes
The surrounding smaller veins filling with blood
and the large vein pops
Deflates
And bam
A huge bruise
Posted picks
Forget where on NT

I

not a thought to help in anyway

I

have to let go
How does one do that without it ripping at my soul

My granddaughter and Corissa are now my focus
We have to live together
One day at a time
Corissa will be looking for a part-time job
And acquiring her diploma
And try and learn how to drive
The car will be hers if she does

It isn't easy when in spring
like this
Should be good thoughts
Because my babies are born in the spring
A beautiful time to be born
My son born three years later on the same day my father killed himself
My son thinks I am reminded of my father and the horrible things
When in fact his birth turned it into a beautiful day

I would always call them the moment in time when they entered the world and would sing happy birthday to them
This year that stops
My last two birthdays were sad ones because of their citcumstances that affected me
Enough
And it hurts to say that
I have made my amends
But it isn't enough

So


ENOUGH ALREADY
dumping on the parent that stuck it out with them
And gave up a life for myself
Again my fault
This I know
ENOUGH
me

i haven't returned any calls
i just do not get people today
i so cannot trust anybody
having a short relationship
and cutting my ties with someone
who has been active in an addict way
my daughter accidentally answered the phone
it was her
i was in the shower
upon completion
i returned the call
asked what is it she wanted
her back talk addict like
tells me what it is she thinks i need to do
and how not calling her is telling her
i am not interested in us anymore
only she tells me ho she doesn't want to further the relationship
i told her i gave up on it a week ago
why are you calling i asked
i asked her to not call anymore

well she couldn't leave it alone
left a filthy message
as true colors emerge

i then called the phone company
needed to block the number
i am floored
what the blank
i step away
and that's a problem
i don't think so
me

when not allowing negative crap come my way

having to be a teacher
all my life
to my children
now my grandchild
weak i am physically
but mentally with it
this no one will ever know or understand
it has been a heck of a bumpy ride
each time i get stronger
and empowering myself
giving myself the confidence needed to tackle
all the adversities put in my life
times when i took my will into my own hands
and it be the hardest road i would travel
it took time for me to get it
and when i began asking for Your guidance
it is easier knowing i am doing everything possible
i am much stronger in my faith
having been given free will
i tried my very best never hurting ones feelings
and if it happened
i am sorry
but the world has become a place that has lost their way
many who have forgotten
we are responsible
with goodness in our hearts
not to harm one another
people have become so extremely superficial
for what
at the end of the day
i know as i am aware and conscious when making
such drastic ways such as cutting out the problems that come with getting to know someone
my heart not feeling badly but does feel sadness
this is me
this is how i protect myself from persons who prey on others
i do not like it when one will manipulate another and it become abusive behavior
i am so vigilant about standing in the truth
and what does that mean
not to manipulate whatever situation put before me to handle
tackle call it what you may
it is the twisting of one's words for example
this to suit oneself of the truth
a white lie is a lie
at the end of the day
i hope to have been inspirational rather than manipulative
and to be in the company with another
i find the truth
and the truth not be mine
but Jesus and his teachings
loyal i will continue to speak the truth of the Lord
for when in his company in his frame of works
not only do i feel good my being is at peace
and then to have someone try to take that away from me
all hell breaks loose
and then it becomes hurtful sad and not allowed in my life
it being a life i lived a life and path i took
and to say i haven't learned anything at this point and time
in my life is ridiculous
having mostly sad feelings in my very young life
and taken into my young adult life
and having to be strong for me and my sister who got so much less of the beatings
as i would step in protecting her when we were little girls
robbed at our natural process into womanhood taken by our father
a screwed up start in life i know
but made me who i am today
and i like who i am today
persons when i let them can be very very hurtful
and when it's done for turd and giggles
blows me away
i am not full of myself
but do fill myself with the Lord
and what teachings he has given me and the rest
of the world to turn to
all by choice
given free will
my will for good only
this is who i am
this is the way i live my life
minding my business
paying close attention to my character defects
pray my lineage heals
as i am not a perfect person
i too a sinner
but turn and ask for mercy and forgiveness
i like who i am today
i hope God is pleased
love
me

Again faced with another day
A new day with sadness ready to greet me
She isn't here
There isn't anything I can do about this
I have no choice but to go with the flow or completely
let it go this much I know
Me

To add to my frustration
The tenant above me
Awakened again
Two in the morning
Vicious and malicious
I was up early not able to return to sleep
I slamming doors draws anything to return the favor
Heavenly Father
When will it be enough
I have no desire to fight it off
I am so angry
About everything
Vicious and malicious
There will be a day I run into
this woman who just has no manners

Wow it's been so long
I forgot I started this
Will rembember to return here
When angry
That was its intent
Me

As I sat in court
Listening to the lawyers advise
To lie
Cringed
Disgusted I was
Upon sitting with my sister
We were just floored
Floored
Four BMW property
Here and abroad
Businesses
And when the judge seen how the lies overlapped
on another just floored me
Smart he was noting what one will do to manipulate
and not grant them relief until said questions are answered
Mine
Less than five minutes
Stood in my truth
Ashamed
Not
Head held up as best as I could
Looked around the room
And realized why I was here
A burden that hung on my shoulders
Not there anymore
A sense of relief
Yet I cannot feel I failed
It wasn't what I ever thought in my lifetime
I would have to do
But the reality is reality
This body broken
Unable to work
Unable to be out an socialize in the world
Stinks
Yet it is over

A beginning no
Over
Unable to ever be there again

What persons do to manipulate there affairs
All in the name of money
The root of All evil
When in the hand of no good doers
I seen and heard it for myself
Floored
Me