to the doctors
 

Father

guide me in the right road
lift me in Spirit
Blessed i am
thank you Father for
the things i forget about
my Love for you is real
thank you for my family
extended included
i shall spread your love
while in your world
for those i come in contact with
help me with my daughter Corissa
she is on a rough road
it is not acceptable
her social media is all filth
i don't understand
this is not how she was raised
she is NOT completely truthful
this is a problem

it is such a difficult problem
it tells me so much
pray for her
help me with her dear
Father
Brother i trust you
angles come and help
in my brothers name
Jesus

may all go well at doctors

sorry about the problems with your daughter Eva. I wish you well and don't like to see people on this board hurting, and you are an especially good person.

I want to be thankful for the blessings I have but I am such a cup half empty kind of guy. and selfish. But thank you for Dawn and mother and others and that I can still walk and talk.

it has been a while
 

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for your Love

things to be grateful for
blessings awaiting
Father in control
My days in and days out routine
happiness just peeking out every once in a while
cannot say Eva is not my light as Corissa is
Hope God fill her heart
rearing Corissa in this fast evil riddled
streets
it is hard for her to see who is
real or who is ready to turn her on to drugs
drugs
now has touched everyone of my family
from a prim and proper mother
who i hear is nodding at the breakfast table
her divorced husband
who lives with her permanently is at odds with
her and her habit forming place in her life
she certainly Suffers Physical Pain but has
also become abusive with them
so
with help from doctor
removed some meds from her

this information from my youngest sister
and my last conversation she had with me
and i told her then she did not sound well

now

i have Corissa to help
and get help for her
my daughter
and the my thirty year old daughter
making me a mimma
more like mommy
she has begun to get used to the
way things are set up by the courts
and my concerns she would have been
a child of the state
how oh how could
i let that happen
i can't
i didn't
and now has become to
be more and more my child
mommy and daddy come twice a week
i get bread ready for her
put in her back pack (kenyér) bread
to feed the (kacsa) duck in Hungarian
she is learning the language
and has the tongue for it
it is the hardest language to learn
today is hot and cold soup
yes she gives me purpose to go on
i am raising her with the help of Corissa

staying focused
 

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

show me the truth

grant me some help with the winter
some happiness in this crazy crazy
family
i love beyond death comes to me
happiness mean everything in a
healthy body
taking for granted
or plain not knowing
what we do to our bodies at a
young age
a workhorse i was
my reward love
or what i thought was love
grateful to be a mommy
a mentor
someone to trust
the love of God
getting up as i do
as only God knows
is a accomplishment
and then what the day has to offer
it always comes from both ends
oh Lord
how many times did i miss the boat
as it always revolved my children
they know
they know
God giving me my last child
a time in my life when all was
happening
a home
as deli
sobriety
but i had been gifted
as much as i said i'll never
get the opportunity to be a mother again
i got what i wished for with many adversities
blessings she is

and here is Eva
how many circles
blessings
she is happy thus far
hope
me

as You rule
 

Father
my dear Brother
Mother Mary

we start with a new beginning
a new road
an adventurer into
uncharted waters
all on the same reason
for this road
is for a falling family member
my youngest daughter
who found self mutilation was
a way to displace her anger
in addition too all this
i have Eva
it is not easy Father
i do not want her to see me in so much pain
she accompanied me with her assessment
to my internist and it went something like this
"my mimma's back hurts
and her neck
and her feet
and her hands
and her butt
she combs my hair like a princess
oh and her hip hurts
you'll take care of my mimma
i love her"

oh the circle of life
grant us healing
the meaning of family
the Hope i have for us
in Jesus name

Help her understand
 

Immediately upon meeting with the director of the facility
and expressing to her the obsession with her phone
it was immediately taken away

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

I have to be the one who is the bad guy
How when she is ovulating and how badly her PMS is
How it was observed as important information
How much more do I endure being the bad guy
How do I move forward when I have all this pent up anger
with my children
Am I not a human with the same needs and wants
Maybe a little recognition at what was sacrificed they
are adults in all thirty and up
I am still around for them
Not to be a punching bag
A little love would feel nice
Thank you for the blessings
given in advance
And to all a blessing in your day
Amen
Me

the feeling so strong
 

i would like to get up one day
sooner then later with a smile in my heart
and it show on my face

Father
i feel so confused
so helpless
i knew things were coming to a head with
my sixteen year old
to have a child be so angry
to have done poorly in school
where are the adults who are what i would
hope qualified to see a child in need of help
what the school does is concentrate on the
students that are not in anyway having a hard time
and those who are troubled in anyway are left in the dust
there is something very WRONG with this
struggle struggle struggle
just a little lift of this unhappy feeling
for them and me
i wake up from sleep with physical
and cry myself to sleep
happiness
is a state of mind
i miss
my thanks to blessings
You give and i may be very blind to
amen
me

Hi Eva
 

Can't tell you how many boats we all miss. You are doing great under the circumstances you have. I read all your posts. Just have been busy with house showings. Many so far, and a few bites. Things are looking up and my arm after lots of therapy is better.
YOu are still in my prayers and so is your family. No matter where I wind up at, I will keep in touch with you. ginnie

there is so much internal pain
 

Father
my disease is something that my family suffers from

my mental state in check as sobriety is first
with the Love of my family i have from my program
i am lost in the generation m sixteen year lives in
there is a term for the time period we are in
"a millennium child"
children born into the social media
that is a way of life
the lack of understanding
for example the cell phone
the internet
a new way of life
and i cannot understand the rude
defiant, angry, hatred in her eyes
this new beginning starts off in a terrible
argument over the pants her "father"
purchased for her for the gym at the facility
she is getting help with her adversities
Father
allowing her to wear the yoga pants to school
was not going to happen
i went through two years of heartache
the constant phone calls from school
she is not dressed in uniform

as she was returning back to school this year
i was promised no problems
and she goes to school this morning
with utter hatred in her eyes
while i was on the phone with her father
letting him know what was going on
she left without a kiss and love you mom

i am weak and the added stress is killing me slowly
what else other than pray
i have seen her more than half way
i am lost
i feel i am loosing her slowly
the pressure is overwhelming tiring
her father just called
conversation was brief

my head wants to explode
literally from the headache
coffee isn't cutting it

i just want to scream
oh Father
i just want to scream
my body is broken
my mind i am loosing
my Spirit broken
hanging on with my Faith
blessings i thank you for
me

The more you give the more she will take
 

Eva you do everything and more for your children and I suspect sadly they have come to expect and dare I say rely on you to give your all and more. This I wonder, really wonder if this is what gives your youngest strength and ammunition to continue to rebel and deliver to you what she thinks is the ultimate "so there". Maybe you could join her, just hang out with her and behave as she does, don't make a big thing about it, just do it. Take a break from yourself, give your body and mind a holiday from your usual pattern of behaviours and thoughts. I don't mean abandon her or all that you have striven for, just let her experience a sliver of life without your parental input, you have little to lose my dear.