Gerry and Eva - I too, know this demon of depression well, as I think most of us dealing with chronic pain do.

Gerry, what you said about relying on God really resonated with me. I have always taken such comfort in knowing that before God allows ANYTHING - good or bad - to touch my life, that He has first held it in His hands. And in doing so, He has felt every bit of pain, happiness, sorrow, joy, sadness - He has felt it all before I feel it. That means that when it does touch my life - whatever it is, good or bad - it is covered by His fingerprints.

The fact that He still allows it to touch my life gives me strength - because I know He wants to use whatever situation to either teach me something, to strengthen my faith, or to allow me to use my experience to somehow be a blessing and an encouragement to someone else.

I think I would just crumble into a broken pile of dust if I didn't have the assurance that He brings everything into my life for a reason.

I am so blessed by the two of you and the transparency with which you share your experiences - y'all are truly an encouragement to me!

=Becky

from both
the wisdom
the experience
you both share
strengthen me
in our Almighty
as we understand
all as it is suppose
to
be
i so love you for caring and sharing
be well
God bless us all

hey Eva....hang on to that glimmer of Light you see....pull yourself out....

there was a trigger to it...my depression episodes lay in wait for a "sad" moment ...I put up my guard when I encounter just normal sad things in life. I have learned how to nurture my spirit with my garden or the pool,

Think about the triggers and how to prevent them if you can.
I understand how hard it is to put ourselves first...so foreign as we (you and I) take care of others first...this is my greatest life lesson....to put myself first.

Right here when you need support.
HB
(said the codependent who is laughing out loud at herself)

Becky,

I pray your surgery will be successful and the God given strength to cope with your recovery.

Your understanding of what I felt inspired to write today truly touched me. You confirmed everything so beautifully.


Gerry

Thank you
I love you
Me
Everything I need to hear

Because you know
In this confirmation of
Women empowering other Women
Stand in the Spirit
As you so beautifully
reminded me
Your Spirit filled heart
a priceless gift
Me

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day

blessings to all
especially those who suffer
pain in all forms

it was an uneasy night
all areas from groin hip knee feet
hands beat with a pain as if i had
an on and off button
and someone is messing with me
it wakes me as it cannot be worked out
deep in my joints
my surgery site is always an issue
just cannot believe all this time gone by
and no getting better
i hear from my sister
my birth mother has RA
she was receiving some form of iv treatment
was told it will stop as it does not help
i understand she too is in some terrible pain
both myself and my sister are ruled out having
RA
degenerative bone disease
we all suffer from
my two sisters have grown in the sane area
since coming into the USA I was 5 years old my sister 3
my last sister born here in the USA
WE ALL STAYED what most people around the world know as the Tri-State area
only i am across the river Lincoln Tunnel 5 minutes
to the City that never sleeps
only on this side of the river
all along Newark, Bayonne, Elizabeth, Linden
and so many other cities with towering smokestacks
eliminating who knows what over the years living
along the strip known as cancer alley of longshoremen and then 911 only God knows the elements of irresponsible factory working people only to die by the hands of illegal dumping in our waters air soil and now we are concerned those who prospered in ways that in the end killed their workers
i detect a little resentment EVA
you got it
Father Blessings to all the immigrants who entered
this country in the hopes of free dreaming
when my parents became citizens my father was sad
sad to see the fast world back in the late 60's 70' my years as a young girl going to school not understanding anything
just me and my sister
my father always tried not for us to be Americanized
it made him sad to see how greedy impolite unfair to a man disable
oh it was prevalent in my home town
and things are not much different
it is where i can call my boss on his turd
politics hate to love it
soooooooooooo much corruption
sooooooooooooo much greed
all i want is to get back on the saddle
it just hurts to much
my town knows me well enough
in the municipal clan
what i stand for
this a life long accomplishment
and to have reached a point when
life is exciting and i am stuck
stuck in a body that cannot sit in a chair
no more than a half hour
and i need to get up
while in up position
maybe another half hour before i need
to lie down on my left side fetal position
and it hasn't gotten any better in any way
my head still how i would love to take it off
for it's to heavy to have on my shoulders
my bodily functions are harder and worse
as the days go by
i hear myself for the thousandth time
it is just sometimes i can't believe i thought it was a stiff neck
and all the others put in the basket of good old fashion body
aging
for my young mind be trapped in this compromised body
and know i would have had a better chance if i hadn't suffered
the immediate inability to drain properly and it undo whatever
he did was damaged by the gross swell and he knows it
oh does he know it
if i had more time to heal after my first fusion and NOT return back in the two weeks might i have fused
unfortunately that was not my case
i still have it on the burner
hoping someone would be willing to fight a well prepared
file to show so many erroneous statements
including my sexual violation

Father how do i get up every single day
what was put upon me

Father i know sending him "the picture"
of yet another hematoma as i was drained and
released the following morning for it to grow over
two nights called him told him i took a "picture" so i could see it
my children rushed me to the hospital
not a word out of his mouth
just drained, drained, drained and drained
sent me on my way
my daughter with me the whole time

Father how when it is still so clear in my mind
when i wake up in pain wench on and on and
go on my meds given from the very beginning
as more evolved out of this and i decline
those who follow understand

this is something i speak with my therapist
it to a affirmation
i am sane
i am not of the norm
i have a different hope
that people are who they are
and for him to say to me still to date
"eva are you surprised (he refer to the mean spirited people)
and i say yes
and i still am the same
give benefit of doubt
i still await someone to hear from
someone i took into my life as a true sister
the chances of the parallel down to our nationality
mothers best friends names the same
very much no other explanation to it but FAITH in DIVINE INTERVENTION and yet to hear from her since her last visit a
month ago
she stayed the week that couldn't have been more chaotic

my daughter picked up two days before she came
certainly not something you want to have going on
while having company

so needed her

faith she is doing well
as she suffered a brain bleed
and has come along wonderfully

i am tired of waking up
feeling worn out and physically
distraught
having to pump up myself everyday

Father i ask as i go through this physical torment
that you grant me freedom of anger
i pray you rip it from my brain heart being all together
it has no room anymore things are as they are to be
and that's me understanding logically
i have no shame in my hopeful attempt
but because my family needed help i felt sure
i would not experienced what my son did and still no
restitution twice
had no chance for a third
and life still had to go on
with a heavy heart
it takes on the world

help me Father in my Blessings
keep my family from falling apart
i trust and believe
it is
thy will be done
Amen!
help me with Corissa
in Jesus name
help her
Amen

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Thank you for another day

For all who need MM to help with all the coverage
it has now come to the forefront
For the babies who suffer seizures over a hundred a
day to the cancer patients for the relief of some nerve
related issues
New York has made it legal to have MM to those who need
IT
It will be a 7 year "pilot"
It cannot be smoked
To eat it or the idea such as the E cigarette

Father I know this to be a blessings to many
Such as my daughter her doctor in NYC
Here in Jersey hoping Chris jumps on board

I do believe if not careful depending on the individual
and their genetic make up concerning addictive personality
could be a gateway to other drugs including alcohol

And this when used recreationally

NOT MEDICALLY
Where it is so much needed

Good going Governor Cuomo

It is my wish that this plant be used as it too was given
by our creator
In Jesus Christ I trust
Our brother Jesus
Oh to be touched by you
Father to know you are in my being
that evil does not prevail
that my children grow with you in their heart

To the wonderful place I can come to
and share my experience strength and hope

May we all empower each other
with information that is priceless

Thank you
Me

just found this picture of the whole family my 3 daughters and my son and my granddaughter taken on Christmas

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now you understand why i cry over my dog
this is my dog with sara eve

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