I'm a 25 year old girl who got into a bad situation about a year and a half ago and I got depressed. Just before that I had met a new guy who I really cared about and to try and take some of the strain of the new relationship I started taking citalopram to get on with it. After a while I noticed I didnt want sex anymore. not that I didn't want it but I didn't even notice it was gone because my body was just permanently turned off. Even touching felt kind of numb and gross.. I went to the doctor and they said it was the citalopram but since I wasn't confident I was ok without them I tried to fake it for a while. I was raped when I was little so faking it for me feels like rape. Its the worse thing there is but I really love my boyfriend.
I've stopped the citalopram for 3 weeks now and I am occassionally horny for like 5 minutes which is more than Ive had before but or sex life hasn't returned and my boyfriend keeps trying to break up with me because he doesn't believe that sexual dysfunction is a real thing for women and thinks I just don't want him anymore. What can I do to help him understand that just because women don't need an erection to have sex doesn't mean that we cant be impotent too. Is there anyone who can write there own experiences or feelings down so I can show him that its not only me. Also all of his ex girlfriends kind of just didn't share with him because he has really bad ADD and its like trying to talk to a brick wall. Personally I think hes autistic because he really does not understand that anyone else but him has emotions. not in a mean way but really. Please can someone help me try and get through to him... I just need him to understand its as frustrating for me as it is for him.

THANK YOU X

Hi Lemoni, Welcome to NT

I can't help you with personal experience, but there seem to be plenty of people who can - Google: post-ssri sexual dysfunction
including at least one other thread here:
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread87069.html

I really hope I'm wrong, but this could just be an excuse for something else he is unable or unwilling to express/deal with. There is so much documentation on both sexual dysfunction in women and post-ssri sexual dysfunction. I think if you gathered some from some of the more credible sources and handed it to him, you'd find out very quickly what the truth/situation is.

Maybe Asperger Syndrome? There's a lot about that out there too, and its effects on relationships - Google: aspergers and relationships
and see if any of that makes sense/helps.

Best Wishes,

Doc

========= sounds like him actually but I showed him the description and he says he really doesn't understand whereas it says aspergers do. Also he doesn't understand hitting hurts either. He's 23 now and I know violent add is rare into adulthood. Don't worry though. I'm not a beaten up chick he tries he gets it back. But he's taking Ritalin now and the violence has diminished but he still has difficulty comprehending others feelings. I spoke to him and he says it is just the sex. He's a very unique person. He functions like a child but on an adult level but all his previous girlfriends just treat him like a retarded. It's actually he just doesn't think about anything ever apart from building machines. He responds best to people's personal experiences which is why the request. I actually appreciate the help on him because I myself have ADHD with none of his problems.

Maybe not worried, but I am concerned. This could be a serious warning sign, and may or may not be related to ADD. Violence has a strong tendancy to escalate; this is not opinion. There may be more going on with(in) him than ADD. http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic...es_effects.htm
This link also has sections on Adult ADD/ADHD and many other topics/issues that may be informative/helpful. I have several very close dear friends with adult ADD; of course everyone is different/unique, but what you describe doesn't sound like any of them.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by that.

I'm just spitballing here, based on what you've posted, so consider it like two people who've met at a coffee shop and struck up a conversation... We're all interested in helping each other here, but we're peers - not professionals (and we don't pretend to be. )

Getting back to the initial question, is he still in denial about dysfunction in women? The evidence out there - both academic and anecdotal - is overwhelming.

The fact that you've seen some improvement since discontinuing the citalopram is, IMO, very encouraging, so it may just be a matter of time, and patience/understanding on his part. I would keep reading/researching, and (perhaps needless to say) avoid ever taking an SSRI again - there are other options.

It pains me to say it, but if he refuses to accept things, and his emotional dysfunction continues, I guess I might seriously reconsider if he's the right guy, or this is the right relationship, for you. Your needs/feelings are just as important as his; relationships go both ways, both parties have to communicate and work at it. Sex is important, but IME/O, relationships based solely on sex, or with sex being a deal-breaker, are doomed to failure anyway. I think you're better than that and deserve more, don't you?

Again, just spitballing, and just my personal opinion...

FWIW/FYI, there is a forum here on NT for ADD/ADHD too, if that's of any interest/help to you.

Doc

Sexual dysfunction in men and women is very real. The problem is that TV is filled with cute commercials advertising the reality of men's issues (and the solution in one tidy 30 second segment). While women's sexual dysfunction is diverse (SSRI is a definite cause: it happened to a friend of mine and I've seen the research and warnings every time I pick up prescriptions), vaginismus (involuntary clamping), and several others from menopausal-related to abuse-related, cysts, endometrisis etc etc: all lead to sexual intercourse that is difficult to impossible.

I used to have the sex drive of champions. Then, I acquired a neurological pain condition, went on a multitude of meds, received dozens of surgical treatments and my partner became very 'emotional' about my lack of sex drive, leading to guilt trips, demands, threats and ultimatums. Now I have vaginismus and the pain during intercourse is so excruciating that I don't breathe, tears fall constantly, and I try and try to put my mind somewhere else. Yes, just like during sexual assault. This of course is assumed by him to be my fault and he has refused to read the literature or book off work to see the specialist with me.

So, what your bf needs to understand is that fsd is real, it's varied (just like women) and it will be exacerbated by an uneducated/unsympathetic partner, ultimately resulting in breakup.

Intercourse is not the only kind of sex. It's not the best kind: take a month long break from it and do anything else when you feel like it.