I'm starting to feel a little depressed, and crazy. I have such a bad memory, and at times, I think I remember things that I probably don't really. These are just fleeting feelings I hope. But, I don't know. I'm going through a divorce, but while I was the one who filed, I'm starting to feel depressed about it now. I REALLY don't want to say good-bye to my in-laws. I love them so much. They are the only real family I have ever had. And now, since I'm not going to be married to my husband anymore, does that mean that they will cease to be a huge part of my life? I HOPE AND PRAY that that will not happen. But, I guess you never know untill it happens. I will be SO DEPRESSED if I actually have to say good-bye to them. They're the only people that I really feel connected to and love like this in the whole world. That has been my main reason for staying with my husband for so long. I even told my brother-in-law once that I would never divorce my husband. That was the reason why. Although I didn't say that to him, because I didn't want him to know at the time that that was the only thing keeping me with his brother. Anyway- I'll feel better. I do know, I hope, that I will not lose them too in the divorce.

Although, blood is thicker than water. And family loyalties run very deep. I know this. That's why I'm so scared of leaving. I know that it's what I need to do for me. And to be fair to my husband, because I don't love him in that way. And, he should be with someone who is desperately in love with him. And I'm just not. I'm not saying that to be mean. It's just honest. I wish that there was an easier way. I wish I hadn't made such a big mess of things. But I hope it works out. Life goes on, right?

Peace, and Love,
-Cgirl-

Hi Cgirl, I'm sorry you're going through this right now. It is a time of very mixed emotions. It can be like going from total exhilaration one day to sadness the next. I think a lot of it depends on the inlaws and the closeness of your past relationship. I have come to the conclusion myself, that blood is indeed thicker than water, but for a while I had been fooled to think it wasn't. Not everyone loses contact with their inlaws after a divorce. I actually wish I'd lost contact with mine sooner than I did.

It sounds as if you're very close to them and that they care about you very much as well. Divorce is a very stressful time and it's a little like grief after losing a loved one... one tends to go through many different stages and every individual goes through them at different times.

There'll be times when it may not be very easy to have close contact with them, but it is possible. I always found some big events like xmas very difficult, but because I had small children at the time, I felt it was important to be there, even if it was really difficult for me. As time went on, the children would just go to those things with their father, and I stopped going altogether. Some years later I spent more time with certain members of my ex-husband's family but stopped not too long ago. I don't know if you have children or not, so that might be totally irrelevant.

Separation and divorce are a real process of their own. It's hard. Actually it's really, really hard, but it can be absolutely worthwhile if that's the right decision. Don't burn your bridges though. If your in-laws are supportive and some can be very supportive, then just take it day by day or month by month and see how it all turns out. Remember, it'll feel just as difficult for them for a long while as it will for you, but I know of a lot of divorced people who were able to get past any sadness and / or animosity and become pretty good friends. I think the trick is for you to make sure you have some support systems in place. I didn't have any family of my own ... like brothers or sisters or mum or dad, so that made it very difficult.

It can help also to get some counselling during this difficult time if it becomes too difficult or overwhelming or lonely. For now, just try to take care of yourself, and try not to think about things that "might" happen or might not happen. Concentrate on yourself and keeping well and strong while you go through this time.

Thanks for your kind words. I am really close to my in-laws. So, I don't know if we will still keep in contact or not. I just keep thinking to myself about family loyalty. Family sticks together. And that's the way it should be. I just don't want them to be absent from my life. I've grown to love them very much. As if they were my own true blood relatives. I would do anything for any one of them. I love them all so much. I just have to be fair to myself and my husband. I just don't have the feelings I should have for him. I guess I never really did. I just wanted a family so desperately. I felt it was the only way I could have what I so desperately needed. I just wanted to experience having a family. Being part of something. Belonging to people. And I'll tell you, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I just don't want it to end. That's why I'm sad. I don't want to leave them. And I don't want to replace them with another family. They're the only people on this whole planet that I've ever really felt connected to and a part of. I love them SO much!
Just keep this situation in your prayers, if you would, everyone who reads this. Thanks.

Peace and Love,
-Cgirl-

I will keep you in my prayers.

Cgirl,

I don't know if this will help, but I am going to talk from the other side of side. For a period of time our daughter was seperated from our son-in-law. They were both going through a time of losing a child. Any way I guess we couldn't ask for a better son-in-law and we never turn away from him. We(my husband and I) still felt he was a part of the family. Even at Christmas we were all together.They are back together after 4 years, but long that time they were seperated as I said, he was a part of the family.

If your in-laws are as you say they will be a part of your life, like we were of his.

My prays are with you.

Darlene

Thanks! That REALLY helped ALOT! I am so glad you shared that with me! It makes me feel alot better about the whole situation. Again, thank-you so much.

Peace, and Love,
-Cgirl-